Oh, Ryan. You Are A Pip.

A wacky new story claims that, while Farrah Fawcett's dad was paying a visit to his dying daughter, he opened the door next to hers by mistake and found Ryan O'Neal in bed with Farrah's friend Alana Stewart. And they weren't eating cookies and crank calling their teachers.

Denials have already been issued by Ryan himself, but the story is confirmed by his son Griffin, who frankly isn't the most credible individual given that he probably still hates Ryan for shooting at him and his pregnant girlfriend.

Of course it isn't right to jump to conclusions. Maybe Farrah gave her blessing to Ryan and Alana to have wild sex in the room next to the one she was quietly expiring in. Maybe it was her way of saying thanks for their devotion. Maybe they were taping it so they could all make popcorn and watch it together later. You just never know.

(Thanks Maggie)

More Ryan O'Neal Ickiness

Ryan O'Neal aka The Dirtiest Dog on Earth (see this for further proof) admits to hitting on his own daughter Tatum at Farrah Fawcett's funeral, but says it was only because he didn't recognize her.

"I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me," Ryan told Vanity Fair. "I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me--Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick."

Well, in Ryan's defense, he is probably usually wasted when he sees Tatum - can't really blame him for that - plus, have you seen all the work Tatum's had done? Her own plastic surgeon probably doesn't recognize her.

Tatum, for her part, has laughed the whole thing off.

"That's our relationship in a nutshell," the child-star turned drug-monkey said. "You make of it what you will.

It had been a few years since we'd seen each other, and he was always a ladies' man, a bon vivant."

She's been making excuses for him since she was about five. Why stop now?

He's Only Doing It For The Drugs

Ryan O'Neal told Barbara Walters that he and Farrah Fawcett plan on getting married after 30 years of fucking. In case you haven't been paying attention, Farrah is currently dying of cancer, so...

All right, here's where I stop myself. The New Crabbie. No more terrible jokes at the expense of the afflicted. All I'm going to say is, congratulations Farrah and Ryan. I hope you have many happy minutes days together, and I hope Redmond doesn't use up all the drugs Ryan is trying to get custody of by pulling this stunt.

This'll Straighten Him Right Out

Ryan O'Neal has been ordered into an 18-month drug program after being found guilty of felony possession charges. Dumb old fart and his idiot son Redmond got nailed for meth possession last year after Redmond violated his probation from a DUI and police searched their house. I'm sure Ryan will come out of this a better person. And if not, well, there are plenty of winos for him to beat up if he needs to get out any frustration.

Criminal Masterminds

Ryan O'Neal and his monkey-ass son Redmond appeared in court yesterday, where their lawyer convinced the judge to hold their case over until January. In case you'd forgotten, Ryan and Redmond were arrested in September for possession of crystal meth. That was the Thanksgiving meth too! Now the holidays are totally ruined. What do you think Farah Fawcett thinks when she realizes she had sex with Ryan O'Neal? She probably wishes the cancer would take her.

Guess They Both Needed to be Chained Up

A probation search at the home of Ryan O'Neal ended in the arrest of the actor and his son Redmond when both were found to be in possession of methamphetamine. Actually, only Redmond had the meth on him - the rest was discovered in Ryan's bedroom. This is just the latest twist in the saga of the O'Neals, who hit some kind of crazy dysfunctional high-note last year when cops were called to Ryan's home after an altercation between him and and son Griffin ended in shots being fired. That dust-up began when Ryan arrived back at the crib to find Griffin had chained Redmond to a banister, allegedly to keep Redmond from getting his hands on drugs. Apparently Griffin needed to buy an extra set of chains for dear old dad. Seems like Redmond and Ryan are living in the wrong town - they should head to Wasilla, where meth-heads are always welcome.

The Battlin' O'Neals Are Back At It

Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond are still crazy. According to the National Enquirer, Redmond, a known drug-addict, forged a $500 check in Ryan's name and tried to cash it, and when Ryan found out he beat Redmond up...in front of 30 people at the gym he owns in L.A.

It was almost a year ago that Ryan was arrested for allegedly assaulting his son Griffin and Griffin's pregnant girlfriend. That incident was set off when Ryan came home to find that Griffin had chained Redmond to a banister, ostensibly to keep him from doing drugs.

And who blames Redmond for doing drugs at this point?

What makes the new story about Ryan beating Redmond up doubly-disgusting is that Ryan is a former amateur boxer. So let's see, a guy who's been trained to fight beats the hell out of his own drug-addict son in front of 30 people...

Yup, Ryan O'Neal is officially a bigger piece of shit than Alec Baldwin. Congrats Ryan!



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The Year In Pictures: Smile, Ryan

From February...Ryan O'Neal has his picture taken at the police station after allegedly shooting at his son Griffin during a domestic dispute. It later came out that Griffin had chained his younger brother Redmond to a banister to keep him from doing drugs, and when Ryan came home and saw this...well, how would you feel if you discovered your progeny chained to a banister?

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