Still Don't Believe It's Hers

Little Wednesday Daffodil is getting big. Soon she'll be ready for her first Botox treatment. And no I do not believe she was ever inside Nicole Kidman. She was inside some Mexican broad who is now down to the end of the fifty grand.

Stop Kissing Up To The Hillbillies, Bitch

Nicole Kidman says she wants her daughter Friday Rhododendron to speak like a redneck when she grows up. "I hope she has a Southern accent," Kidman told the Nashville Tennesseean in an interview. And busted teeth and freaky eyes - so she can have her own Disney show. Keith needs to get working on his mullet. And I'd book the vaguely suggestive Vanity Fair photoshoot at least five years in advance. Wouldn't want Jamie Lynn Spears's kid beating you to the hillbilly jailbait finish line, would you?

Poor Baby

It's been three months since Nicole Kidman's surrogate gave birth and bitch is still emotional over the whole experience. "I cry even thinking of [baby Friday Geranium]," Kidman said. "But they are tears of joy. Because I suppose I never thought I would get to [give birth to a child]. To have been given it so late in life – I'm so ready for it." God - imagine being a little baby and having this thing with big freaky pulled-taut lips blubbering over you constantly. Thank goodness the kid will have daddy's booze to get into when it gets older, otherwise I don't know how it would survive.

Papoose

Nicole Kidman totes little Tuesday Tulip around in a papoose. I don't care about fake-face or her vag-monkey - I just like the word "papoose." It's one of those words that sounds like something dirty but isn't. Nicole probably paid $1000 for her papoose. Somewhere there are native folk weaving them out of grass and theirs' will probably go longer without breaking.

The Real Reason Kidman and Urban Won't Sell the Baby Pics

Why have Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban refused to sell pictures of their new baby Sunday Rose? Are they taking a principled stand against baby-pimping? Did they get low-balled in their offers? Or, is there a deeper, darker reason for them to keep Sunday out of the public eye? Is there a secret they're trying to protect? What might we find out if we got a good peep at little Sunday? Would we realize that she doesn't really look like either Nicole or Keith? Why wouldn't she? Mmm...maybe because she was adopted? And Nicole was never pregnant but wore a prosthetic bump all those months?

The whole thing was a big plot to make people think Nicole had her own kid, when in fact the kid was adopted. Because of this, we will never get a good look at Sunday Rose. Other people will of course, and they will make comments...but speculation as to Sunday's true origins will remain just that. There will be rumors and innuendos but no good pictures by which we might judge for ourselves. Devious.

Well Aren't They Special

Botox-face and her drunk husband Keith Urban have rejected big-money offers for pics of their new baby Sunday Rose. A source told the Sydney Morning Herald:

They don't think it's appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about [it] - if and when they will release a photo at all. But they realise there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that.

Their refusal to pimp out their kid makes them better than other celebs I guess. Or maybe there's something wrong with little Sunday. Maybe she got some kind of weird Botox infection and looks like a little wax doll. Or maybe she's already on the sauce because of her daddy's genes. A lot of things could be going on here.