Don't You Dare Call Her Dumb

Jessica Alba is spittin' mad after being called "dumb" by right-wing nutcase TV host Bill O'Reilly. Dumb? You Jessica? Whatever could've given anyone that impression? Actually, the whole fracas derives from an incident during Obama's inauguration orgy where Alba, acting as some kind of amateur journalist, appeared to confuse Switzerland with Sweden while conducting an interview. O'Reilly seized on this gaffe as an opportunity to call Alba's intelligence into question, and now Alba has shot back with a blog post in which she employs big words like "salient" and basically attacks O'Reilly for being frivolous. My take: Watching Bill O'Reilly and Jessica Alba call each other stupid back and forth is a little like watching Rosie O'Donnell and Tom Arnold trade fat jokes. If we could only get that self-important cock Keith Olbermann involved...well, then we'd have an idiot menage a trois.

Pompous Ass Lampoons Pompous Ass

Missed this SNL clip...Ben Affleck goofing on Keith Olbermann. It takes awhile to get funny. No one deserves this sort of treatment more than Olbermann. I almost wish Obama would lose just to watch that ass-licker's head explode.

Don't Tell Olbermann

New York Times columnist Frank Rich branded Joy Behar "Edward R. Murrow" after she grilled John McCain and called him a liar on The View. Keith Olbermann immediately threw a fit. Comedians are now the most credible journalists we have in America, a fact that is disturbing to some people. But why is it disturbing? The court jester was the only one who could speak the truth to the King (true, the jester often got his head chopped off, but that's the risk you take). Point is, I don't care who's asking the questions, as long as someone's asking the questions.

The really disturbing thing about this, if you care about what kind of people are about to occupy the White House, is that Cindy McCain actually complained afterward about the grilling. Apparently, Cindy thinks she and John should be allowed to skate right through to Inauguration Day without ever being asked anything about anything. That sense of entitlement is exactly what's wrong with politics. McCain thinks he's owed the presidency because he suffered for 5 years in the prison camp and he's put in his time in the trenches of the Senate. The presidency isn't a job to him, it's a retirement plan. And Cindy wants all the perks and the prestige too. Fuck both of them right in the ass.

Keith Olbermann's Ketchup Fit

The untimely demise of Tim Russert hit almost everyone at NBC hard. Then there was Keith Olbermann, who was more broken up by the condiment selection at the funeral than the death itself.

Olbermann, who broadcast from outside the Kennedy Center the day of the ceremony, reportedly went ballistic in front of mourners who were filing into the building. And why? No ketchup packets.

"This place is going to hell," Olbermann was heard to rant to his staffers. An NBC insider defended the fat-assed liberal pussy however, saying, "Keith did not have lunch at the Kennedy Center and was not eating on the set because he was anchoring a broadcast."

Of course he didn't have lunch there...they didn't have ketchup. Keith Olbermann must have his ketchup!

The ketchup incident was only the capper on a rough couple of days for Keith. Reportedly, the bespectacled heart-attack risk and openly jealous rival of Bill O'Reilly got angry a few days earlier when he found out NBC had not sprung for a first-class train ticket, forcing him to drive to the funeral.

Russert dead. Carlin dead. Wide-load no-talent Keith Olbermann alive. Universe totally fucked up.