From Stud To Duds

Studmuffin Hugh Jackman has been booted as Oscar host after one year, and will be replaced by banjo-playing grandpa Steve Martin and crazed liberal child-verbal-abuser Alec Baldwin.

"We think the team of Steve and Alec are the perfect pair of hosts for the Oscars," said show producers in a statement. "Steve will bring the experience of having hosted the show in the past and Alec will be a completely fresh personality for this event."

Fresh personality? How about psychotic personality? Is there any chance of Baldwin getting through the event without going off on Bill O'Reilly and/or ex-wife Kim Basinger?

Actually, that could be entertaining. Not the rant itself but the sight of Baldwin's head getting purpler and purpler and the foam spewing out of his mouth. And him clutching his chest and collapsing into a twitching heap on the stage.

And Steve Martin distracting everyone from Baldwin's myocardial infarction by breaking into a banjo solo.

Eh...I'd still rather just look at Hugh.

Does He Think He's Funny?

I wonder, when Glenn Beck does these comedy bits, is he giggling because he thinks they're hysterical, or because he knows how horrible they are, and what a complete fraud he is? When oh when will the followers of Beck, Limbaugh, O'Reilly et al. realize that these fuckers are only in it for the cash, and don't really give a flying fuck about truth, justice, the American way or their own drooling minions?

By the way, David Letterman never made jokes about poisoning Sarah Palin. Just sayin'.

A Man Can Look Can't He?

This picture will be all over Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck and the rest of them. It wouldn't be so bad except for Sarkozy's little grin.

Barry's got more Clinton in him than we thought.

Don't You Dare Call Her Dumb

Jessica Alba is spittin' mad after being called "dumb" by right-wing nutcase TV host Bill O'Reilly. Dumb? You Jessica? Whatever could've given anyone that impression? Actually, the whole fracas derives from an incident during Obama's inauguration orgy where Alba, acting as some kind of amateur journalist, appeared to confuse Switzerland with Sweden while conducting an interview. O'Reilly seized on this gaffe as an opportunity to call Alba's intelligence into question, and now Alba has shot back with a blog post in which she employs big words like "salient" and basically attacks O'Reilly for being frivolous. My take: Watching Bill O'Reilly and Jessica Alba call each other stupid back and forth is a little like watching Rosie O'Donnell and Tom Arnold trade fat jokes. If we could only get that self-important cock Keith Olbermann involved...well, then we'd have an idiot menage a trois.

Video: Bill O'Reilly Goes Nutso on Inside Edition

Old video of Bill O'Reilly melting down while host of Inside Edition. Something's loaded into the prompter that he doesn't understand...unlike Ron Burgundy, he doesn't just read it. Dude has serious mental issues.

Bill O'Reilly Wants Miley Cyrus Stopped

Talking penis-face Bill O'Reilly is concerned that Miley Cyrus is setting a bad example by allowing herself to be seen cuddling with her older boyfriend on the Internet.



Oh Bill...you're so worried about the nation's youth. Of course, that's the crux of your interest in Miley Cyrus. It has nothing to do with you being a sick pedophile freak who wants to loofah her soft pubescent body in the shower. Stop trying to hide your guilt behind self-righteousness O'Reilly. Everyone sees through you.

And keep your hands off Miley, or Billy Ray will break you in half and feed you to his pitbulls.

Is Angelina Addicted to Adopting?

O'Reilly has bought into the Brad/Angelina hype and thinks they're wonderful people. Another reason to hate Bill O'Reilly.

O'Donnell Harassed By O'Reilly Producer

Bill O'Reilly wants Rosie O'Donnell to come on his show so he can call her a big fat terrorist-loving cow. Rosie refuses to do so, because even someone as dumb as her is smart enough to know O'Reilly has no intention of letting her give her side, and only wants to beat on her so he can look like a hero in the eyes of his cross-burning redneck fans.

Rosie was trying to sign books when one of O'Reilly's producers, armed with a camera, confronted her about her unwillingness to submit to O'Reilly's treatment. Rosie was very polite in the way she got rid of the interlopers, who kept trying to make her angry by bringing up some unfortunate comments she may once have made about 9/11 being an "inside job."

Of course O'Reilly played his producer's tape on his heinous show. And Rosie posted the above video on her website, which features Rosie interacting with a crippled kid at the end - just so we'll know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy.

I would have no idea who to root for if O'Reilly and O'Donnell squared off. The best we could hope for would be if Rosie cinched O'Reilly's head between her giant lesbo thighs and popped it off, then somehow choked to death on all the blood spurting into her big fat useless mouth.