Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Among Scientologists Exposed to Asbestos Aboard Ship

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are listed among a host of Scientology luminaries who have at one time or another been aboard a church-owned ship that was recently sealed by authorities after it was found to contain high levels of asbestos.

The 40-year-old ship, Freewinds, was in dry-dock in Curacao when repair workers discovered the blue asbestos. Officials immediately decided to cordon off the vessel, which is described as the flag-ship of the Scientology fleet.

Reportedly, the ship's captain initially responded to the discovery of asbestos dust in the ventilation system by trying to keep the news secret, even from the crew.

Blue asbestos is the most dangerous form of asbestos. A single microscopic grain can become lodged in the lungs for years and even cause cancer. Decontaminating the ship will cost millions of dollars and require months of work.

A list has been released of the Scientology celebs who've spent time on Freewinds (pared down here to remove uninteresting names):

Kirstie Alley
Catherine Bell - - actress
Nancy Cartwright - - voice of Bart Simpson
Erika Christensen - - actress
Tom Cruise
Bodhi Elfman - - actor
Jenna Elfman - - actress
Katie Holmes
Danny Keough - - actor, musician. ex of Lisa Marie Presley and father of her children
Juliette Lewis - - actress
Christopher Masterson - - actor
Daniel Masterson - - actor
Corin Nemec - - actor
Lisa M. Presley Keogh - - Elvis' daughter
Laura Prepon - - actress
Beth Riesgraf - - actress, mother of Jason Lee's child Pilot Inspektor
Marissa Ribisi - - actress, wife of Beck Hansen and mother of his children
John Travolta

Lapsed Scientologist Jason Beghe was also reportedly on the ship. All could now be dying of cancer...unless Scientology detox was successful in sweating the asbestos out of their lungs.

The telling point here concerns the actions of the captain, whose first instinct when he found out about the asbestos was to try to hide it. Scientology clearly cares more about protecting its secrets than about protecting the health of its members. Were I a Scientologist with even a jot of sense, I would be disturbed by this.

(Thanks Patricia)

Angelina Could Get $10 Million for Her Baby Pics

National Enquirer editor Barry Levine predicts Angelina Jolie could get as much as $10 million for the first pictures of her new blob.

"It's become big business now," Levine told Page Six. "It's outrageous, they've gotten very sophisticated. The rights are bought up now even before the celeb enters the hospital. They hire extra security so it's impossible to obtain a photo illegally."

Jennifer Lopez recently got $6 million from People for pics of her new twins. And even that whore Christina Aguilera who no one cares about got $1.5 million from the same rag.

"That's where the market is right now," Levine explained. "When I was the editor of Star in LA, we bought photos of Lisa Marie Presley's baby back in 1989 for $100,000, and at the time I thought it was outrageous. Now it's chump change."

Lisa Marie is once again pregnant. This time, her baby pics ought be worth about enough for her to get her car washed and perhaps buy a copy of the magazine that runs them. If anyone actually carries copies of Icky Former Wives of Michael Jackson Weekly.

Of course, Angie will be donating the $10 million from the blob pics to charity. Because nothing gets Angie off more than bestowing gifts upon the unwashed who then come kneel before her in worshipful gratitude.

If you can't make your daddy love you, then you just buy the love of the masses, right Angie? Oh, and have sex with your brother.

Lisa Marie Presley Sues The Daily Mail for Calling Her Fat Ass Fat

Fat useless load Lisa Marie Presley is suing the Daily Mail for calling her fat, and forcing her to admit that she is pregnant before she was ready to make the announcement.

The Daily Mail piece touched off a rash of Lisa Marie is a fat load stories, and caused her to be hounded by paps.

"Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight," Lisa Marie recounted on her MySpace blog.

"Starting with a London publication and then New York and Chicago all writing false defamatory degrading stories about all of the dark possible reasons I could be putting on weight."

So Lisa Marie isn't fat...she's pregnant. Got that?

Oh God...pregnant. She hasn't been fucking Michael again.

Oh wait, she never fucked him. For a second there I thought the fat bitch was going to shit out some more freaks.