So Much For Papal Infallibility

Pope Benedict was rushed to a hospital last night after falling in the bathroom of his summer place in the Italian Alps and busting his wrist.

"The Holy Father fell over," said a Vatican stooge, "it is nothing serious and he has gone to the Parini hospital in Aosta for a check up."

The Holy Father fell over. Why does that line alone make me chuckle? Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh at the misfortune of others. Even those who claim infallibility but can't keep their balance while they're getting out of the shower?

Despite the cynicism of some, I'm sure there was nothing more to this than just an old man slipping on some wet tile. I'm certain he wasn't, for instance, chasing a naked 10-year-old boy when the whole thing happened. Not our darling Nazi Pontiff.

Glad I Live in America...

Italian comic Sabrina Guzzanti faces five years in jail after savaging Pope Nazidick at an anti-Vatican rally in Rome. Guzzanti speculated on the changing face of Italy over the next 20 years, given the church's increased interference in the nation's affairs, then mocked, "But then, within 20 years the Pope will be where he ought to be — in Hell, tormented by great big poofter devils, and very active ones, not passive ones." And that's enough to get you arrested in Italy? Joking that the Pope is going to Hell to be ass-fucked by demons with flaming tridents for dicks for all eternity? Holy shit. Remind me never to do my repertoire of Pope getting anally-raped by Satan's minions jokes if I'm in Italy. Those Vatican sunabitches have no sense of humor at all. Honestly. Oh, and by the way - the Pope can lick my balls with his forked devil-tongue. He's nothing but a child-toucher who likes biting the heads off puppies and drinking their blood. What you got under that giant hat, Pope? Your kiddie-porn stash? I wonder if the Pope suffers any guilt over all the suffering in the world when he's buying another pair of Prada shoes. Oh, that's right - the Pope doesn't actually own anything. He just borrows other people's stuff. Christ, when will these bastards just admit what flamers they are?

Get a Life Pope

A museum in Italy is displaying this statue of a crucified frog and for some reason the pope is pissed off about it. "[The statue] has offended the religious feelings of many people who consider the cross a symbol of God's love and of our redemption," the pontiff wrote in a letter to the president of the region where the museum is located. Art experts claim the statue is actually an ironic self-portrait of the man who created it, the late Martin Kippenberger. I just think it would be hilarious on top of a Christmas tree.

Tim Russert May Have Been the Pope

MSNBC has been offering live coverage of Tim Russert's wake. I knew he was Catholic but I had no idea he was the Pope. And he had a kid? Ain't that against the rules?

Bill Maher Under Siege

The right-wing haters (that's a word everyone seems to like so I'll use it too) are trying to blow Bill Maher's anti-Pope comments up into a big controversy, in hopes that this will get him fired from his show on HBO.

This is stupid in many ways. One, the Pope is just an old man in a funny hat; he is only important because a billion Catholic dupes don't know any better. Two, Bill Maher has been talking shit against religion, sometimes insightfully, sometimes brainlessly, for years, so all this sudden venom against him is a bit hard to swallow. Three, the right-wing hates Maher because he trashes them more incisively than they trash him, and this angers the chimp-brains, and they're just looking for any excuse to get rid of him the same way certain people wanted an excuse to get rid of Imus and used the nappy-headed ho comment.

So, the new Fire Bill Maher movement is just a crock of shit. It's standard publicity-grubbing. The American Life League should shove their petition where the sun don't shine. Bill Maher should go on his show next week and say the Pope sucks dicks on weekends.

Bill Maher Pope Apology

Bill Maher made some naughty joke about the Pope being a Nazi last week on his show. This got him in trouble with Catholics who demanded an apology. So last night Bill apologized...kinda.

Did I mention that the Pope dildos are on sale?

Vendors Making a Bundle on Pope Products

The Pope is visiting America. Gift shops in New York are making big coin selling products with the Pope's likeness emblazoned on them. One of the biggest sellers is the Pope dildo.

Links Links Links

10 Things You Didn't Know About Pope Benedict. So he hangs to the left, huh?

The new X-Files movie has a title: X-Files: I Want to Believe. R. Kelly will be writing the theme song.

France wants to stop skinny models from ruining people's body image. Wake me up when they also pass a law banning body odor...

The Dirty Disher hates LeAnn Rimes.

Why we love the Internet: Guy makes home-made flamethrower.

The world population will hit 6,666,666,666 some time in May. Can I interest you in a fully-furnished waiting-out-the-Apocalypse cave?

Heroes may add 15 new characters next season. How about one character who kills off all the other characters then dies?

Osama Bin Laden Calls Out the Pope

Osama Bin Laden has a beef with Pope Benedict.

In a taped message released today, the terrorist mastermind behind 9/11 accused the leader of the Catholic church of starting a new crusade against Islam.

Bin Laden then sent a warning to European publications that publish cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad.

"You went overboard in your unbelief and freed yourselves of the etiquettes of dispute and fighting and went to the extent of publishing these insulting drawings," Bin Laden raved. "This is the greater and more serious tragedy, and reckoning for it will be more severe."

Eat shit and die dirty Muhammad-sucking fuck.

I apologize if the preceding sentence was offensive to Muslims.

Also, Pope Benedict the former Nazi and probable kitten-murderer can go suck cock for all I care.

I apologize if the preceding sentence was offensive to Catholics.

Sorry, but I'm tired of religious nuts. I just want some damn peace and quiet on my planet, okay?

I Just Hope That Wasn't Andy Dick...

Some crazy fool jumped on the back of the Popemobile and got his ass kicked by security. Don't mess with the Pope dude - that guy really knows how to go medieval (and would love demonstrating this fact to the rest of us if he could).



Look at those adoring throngs. It's almost like the Pope were nothing but another celebrity being mindlessly idolized...