Jessica Alba Attempts To Hide

Jessica Alba attempts to hide her face from photographers with a magazine. Apparently Jessica didn't realize there were photogs on both sides of her. By the way, it totally looks like she's about to make-out with that picture of Uma Thurman. I think this is sufficient grounds for us to start a rumor that Alba is a lesbian.

Golden Globe Nominations

The Golden Globe Nominations for 2006 have been announced. Honestly, does anyone care about the actual awards? What interests most of us (and I assume I speak for my readers on this one) is the red-carpet stuff. The awards themselves are just for lame-o's who have nothing better to do than argue over whether Jennifer Hudson should've been nominated for leading or supporting actress (what she really should've been nominated for is Ding-Dong queen, but that's a whole other issue).

Oh, by the way - Jessica Biel was one of the presenters at the nominating ceremony. So here you go drooling pigs. Another picture of Jessica Biel:

Don't say Uncle Crabbie never did anything for you, okay heteros?

Radiant Katherine Heigl

Katherine Heigl lights up the L.A. premiere of Dreamgirls. I'd like to personally thank Katherine for not being Teri Hatcher (those who don't know what I'm talking about, see below).

Jessica Biel at the Hollywood Life 6th Annual Breakthrough Awards

"Honestly guys. It's only an ass."

Huggy Bitches

Actress Eva Mendes snuggles with model/tsunami-survivor Petra Nemcova. I'm a big admirer of Petra. I think it's wonderful and heroic, how far she's been able to get in life despite having Down Syndrome. You go girl.

Jessica Alba Shops

Starlet Jessica Alba spends some of her hard-earned cash in Beverly Hills. She looks pretty cute. By the way, that's her friend's arm poking into the picture. But that other bitch is cropped out because no one cares about her.

Jessica Biel Walks Her Dog

Hot little tart Jessica Biel walks her dog. Exciting ain't it?

Is it just me or does the dog not look well?

Elisha Cuthbert is Distressed

24 star Elisha Cuthbert is out shopping in L.A. She appears to need something from her Bed, Bath & Beyond bag. Urgently. But what? Freak-repellent for the hulking figure with the pink thumbnail in the upper-right corner (Oh my God. Is it Katie Holmes?)?


She appears to be yelling something. Like insane street-people often do. By the way, dig the shirt Elish.

Um, now Elisha would appear to be having a full-on psychotic episode. Who knew trying to dig something out of your over-sized shopping bag could be so stressful? Heroically, she has still not dropped her blue thingy.

Moments after this she was kidnapped by terrorists. Not really.

The Dalai Phila?

Model Elle MacPherson is no longer a completely self-absorbed twit - thanks to a therapy session with that noted head-shrinker the Dalai Lama.

MacPherson, who was once considered hot but is now just another BoToxed old turd, got so bent out of shape over fellow empty-cranium Heidi Klum stealing her nickname "The Body" that she was even considering legal action. Then, according to MacPherson, a once-in-a-lifetime meeting changed her perspective.

"A few people have made me stop in my tracks," says MacPherson, "and the Dalai Lama would be one of them."

Now, thanks to the Lama's divine presence filtering into her body, MacPherson no longer cares if Klum uses her nickname.

I'd suggest that the Dalai Lama set up a meeting with Naomi Campbell, but I'm afraid two minutes with that bitch would cause even His Holiness to forsake pacifism.

Esquire Says Scarlett The Sexiest Woman Alive. Star Jones Robbed Again.

Esquire Magazine has named movie star Scarlett Johansson the sexiest woman on earth.

Boys?

Making Ourselves Feel Better By Belittling the Beautiful: Evangeline Lilly

Evangeline Lilly at the premiere of Lost season 3.

Why do I have the overwhelming urge to punch this bitch in the face?

Making Ourselves Feel Better By Belittling the Beautiful: Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson looking all tanned and summery (and just a little high) at the Venice Film Festival.