Cory Kennedy Rocks My World

Cory Kennedy at Les Deux. Hmm, yes Cory. I'm very hungry. For more of your adorable impishness. Scamp.

Physical Contact Between John Mayer and Jessica Simpson

Fuck-buddies John Mayer and Jessica Simpson after John's show in Madison Square Garden. Uh, does John seem to be cringing away from Jessica a little bit? Could it be that he's as mortified by her as everyone else? I think it's time for this sham relationship to end. John needs to admit he's gay, and Jessica - well, Jessica just needs to take a vacation. A long, long vacation. On Venus.

Nekkid PETA Person Disrupts Lacroix Show

Oh look, it's a PETA person protesting at a Christian Lacroix fashion show. Jesus, does PETA deliberately hire the ugliest people they can find to perform their little anarchist demonstrations? You'd rather go naked than wear fur, and I'd rather stab myself in the eyes with knitting needles than look at you a second longer.

Anyhoo, here are some models with antennae on their heads, courtesy of Christian Lacroix:



The great thing about these outfits is, you can look really chic when you go out, and still receive VHF.

Lagerfeld Tired Out By Stardom

Living-dead-like fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld is feeling a bit tuckered lately. What, is he not sucking enough brains? Is he munching on too many anemics? No, says Karl - it's just all the attention from being a star.

"Sometimes it is a bit exhausting...because you lose a certain kind of freedom," Lagerfeld said after his latest Paris show. "But you cannot have your cake and eat it."

Uh, Karl - what exactly is in that cake, bud? On second thought, I don't want to know.

Anyway, here are some pics from Lagerfeld's show...


The gloves with the fingertips snipped off and the nails sticking out - very chic? I don't know. It's like some kind of arbitrary Mad Max touch, perhaps added to distract you from the fact that everything else is boring. Here's what Lagerfeld had to say about this shit anyway:

"Some people say the collection looks like me; but it's me what I see, not me who I am."

Right. And I'm the one who's full of it.

Britney Takes A Field Trip

Dressed in a wig and hat, Britney Spears takes her first supervised outside trip since entering rehab for good last week. Where did Britney go I wonder? The cardboard box factory? The machine parts museum? Wilderness Walk? Well, she looks happy at least. She's not brandishing an umbrella at the photographer anyway. She does appear to have doodled something all over her hand though...

She drew little flowers all over her hand with a pen. I wonder if she eats paste too.

Beyonce Not Exposed To Hep A

Representatives for singer/failed actress Beyonce told tabloid show Extra! their client was definitely not exposed to Hep A at the SI Swimsuit Issue Party catered by Wolfgang Puck. Though Beyonce did attend the affair, her reps say she didn't eat any of the food, and so therefore could not have become infected.

In other news, did you see Beyonce's new hair?

It looks like an outbreak of some kind of exotic clinging moss. You know, something not indigenous to Beyonce's head. Something whose spores traveled ten-thousand miles in the hold of a ship then became dispersed, and were carried by the wind to Beyonce's scalp where they found enough nourishment to take root. Beyonce doesn't need a hair-dresser, she needs a horticulturalist.

Anna Nicole Needed A Little Scientology, Says Travolta

Anna Nicole Smith is set to be buried tomorrow in the Bahamas, bringing an end to a tragic story. But, according to at least one devotee of the self-help discipline Scientology, it didn't have to be this way. John Travolta, a man long-associated with the freakish quasi-religion, says that if only Anna had been enrolled in Scientology's Narcanon program, she would still be with us today.

"It's so sad," said the movie-star-turned-amateur-jet-pilot, who appeared with Anna Nicole in the movie Be Cool. "We could have helped her with Narconon but didn't get a chance to. I wish we had."

And you know what? I agree with Travolta. Had Anna gotten into Narcanon, which employs vitamins and sauna sessions to purge the body of toxic substances, I'm certain that she would've kicked her drug habit. She would definitely have been a healthier person physically, and would certainly be alive now (barring anything unforeseen like being impaled on a giant sex-toy). Unfortunately, I doubt she would've been better off in spirit. Because, let's face it, Anna Nicole was a deeply messed-up person. If it hadn't been drugs it would've been something else - religious fanaticism, or crazy body-piercing, or some other kind of thing people immerse themselves in when they can't deal with reality at all. There are all sorts of different crutches out there for people who are emotionally crippled - and Scientology, like all would-be all-encompassing philosophies, is one of them. So, had Anna been indoctrinated into the ways of Travolta's cult, she would've really only been trading one crutch for another. It's sad people like Travolta can't see that all their "religion" really offers is another way for the deluded to dodge the realities of existence, propping themselves up emotionally and intellectually with a lot of ritual and dogma.