Peaches Dissed By Smelly Rocker

When you're a Geldof girl, you're used to getting what you want. It doesn't matter what it is - clothes, drugs, a man; you kick and scream enough and you always get your way. So, it must've come as something of a shock to Peaches Geldof, 17-year-old daughter of Bob, to be rebuffed by the man she sought to hang with at last night's Shockwaves NME Awards.

That object of Peaches's desire was none other than Donny Tourette of the band Towers of London. Reportedly, Peaches was heard outside a restroom at the Hammersmith Palais, site of the awards, screaming to a friend that she had to have Donny before the night was over. To Peaches's great delight, Donny did begin showing her some attention, prompting her to ditch her date for the evening, Fred Les. But, Peaches would not be in Donny's company when the show came to an end. That privilege would go to a pair of ladies - an unnamed one, and, to Peaches's great dismay, her very own 15-year-old sister Pixie.

Peaches dissed in favor of Pixie? Damn, poor Peaches - it must suck to be washed-up at 17. But, that's how it goes in the ultra-competitive world of adolescent skankery. There's always a younger, more eager ho ready to step in there and take your men away. Of course, for that ho to be your own sister, whom you mentored so lovingly in the ways of sluttiness - that has to sting. I hope poor Peaches gets over this humiliation soon. We wouldn't want to see her give up such a promising career as a waste of oxygen over such a small set-back.

Moss And Doherty Booted From NME Awards

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty continue to make utter slobbering fools of themselves. Their latest outrage was perpetrated at yesterday's Shockwaves NME Awards at London's Hammersmith Palais, where Moss was scheduled to present an award to the band Primal Scream. According to reports, Doherty, a well-known drug abuser and penguin-killer, was thrown out by security when he was spotted snatching a spoon off a table and heading for the loo, presumably to cook up some H. Moss herself was discovered already in the restroom, completely bombed, and was also escorted off the premises. Something called Mick Jones of The Clash took over Kate's presenting duties, and when Primal Scream band-member Bobby Gillespie, a friend of Moss's, took the stage to accept, he told the crowd he didn't know where Kate was.

And by the way, neither did Kate.

Jessica Simpson Has Many Faces, All Of Them Dumb

Jessica Simpson is shooting a new movie called Blonde Ambition. According to IMDb, it is the story of a young professional woman (Simpson) who "unwittingly becomes the pawn of two business executives in their bid to oust the head of a mega-conglomerate." With Jessica in the role, you can be certain the film will be full of gratuitous ass-shots, and gags about what a lovable ditz Jessica is. Here are some stills from the shoot, where Jessica shows off her stunning range as a comic actress:

Just asked God why Goofy can talk but Pluto can't. Is waiting for the answer.

Just realized that the white spot on her sleeve wasn't sour cream (and there were pigeons around a minute ago...).

Cut one.

Is that John Mayer down behind that taxi?

Mills Shot Down By Judge

Heather Mills tried playing hardball in her divorce battle against Paul McCartney - but it appears the strategy has blown up in her face. In court proceedings yesterday, the judge dismissed Mills's outrageous accusations against McCartney, including ones that had the former Beatle pushing her into a bathtub, choking her and stabbing her with a broken wine glass. One-legged twat Mills reportedly stormed out of the courthouse after the proceedings ended, while Paul emerged twenty minutes later smiling.

When is Heather Mills going to wake up and realize that she can't win? It doesn't matter how much money she makes out of this - she is going to be the loser in everyone's eyes. There is nothing she can do now to repair her image - people are going to hate her guts. Of course, Heather may not care about that. In the end all she probably wants is the money. And it's possible that she may not even be capable of recognizing the hatred people feel toward her. She may be too deluded. The whole Dancing With the Stars move seems wacky to me - it's like she thinks people are going to embrace her. But if they do embrace you, Heather, it will only be to hold you down while they get the tar and feathers ready. My advice to you would be to take whatever settlement Paul wants to offer and just move to some far-off desert island. Spend the rest of your life hopping merrily on the sand. Cause if you stay in civilization, you will never be anything more than a peg-legged Yoko Ono.

Moss And Doherty - Already Dead?

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty walk the red carpet at the Shockwaves NME Awards. I say "walk" advisedly by the way - cause I ain't sure these two are actually capable of moving under their own power. It's possible that they were wheeled onto the red-carpet on gurneys, then propped up and photographed. I mean, Jesus - if this picture doesn't convince you of the dangers of drug use, nothing will. Doherty appears to be in another universe entirely, and Kate - let's just say Anna Nicole isn't the only rapidly decomposing former sex-symbol out there right now.

Glenn Beck - Skeeziest Man On Earth?

Revolting CNN host Glenn Beck unleashes a cringe-worthy moment while interviewing US Weekly's Dina Sansing about Antonella Barba.



She handled it gracefully. But for a second there she was really mortified.

Lindsay's Mad Skills On The Turntables

Lindsay Lohan shows off her DJ-ing talents at a Mean Magazine party. Either that or she's just turning some knobs randomly while making a really serious face. By the way, Oriental dude sitting to Lindsay's right - yeah, we get it, you're gay. It's great. I know. But damn.