Drugs Are Supposed To Make You Happy

Kate Moss is not a happy person. She needs to either take more drugs or less drugs. Or different drugs.

Big laugh to the guy in the back who suggested "No drugs." This is Kate Moss we're talking about, remember?

Lucky Pig

That's how I wanna go...with a metal shaft up my ass. The pig was being delivered to Kate Moss's birthday party by the way. It was stuffed with drugs.

Crackbaby Coming

Kate Moss is growing a little crackbaby in her womb right now if you believe the rumors which are mostly the result of pictures like this. If Kate is pregnant, she's apparently among those who think smoking while knocked up is okay. Actually, considering all the bad shit circulating through Kate's system at any given moment, nicotine is probably the least of the baby's worries. If this baby is born at a normal weight and not shaking like one of Paris Hilton's little toy dogs right before its little bones collapse from being handled too much...well, then I'll be shocked as fuck.

Sharon Osbourne Doesn't Like Kelly's Friends

Sharon Osbourne wishes her daughter Kelly didn't hang out with crack-smoking slags like Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss. But, Sharon also admits that there's nothing she can do about it.

"I don't approve of them. Do I approve of everyone she hangs out with? No I don't. But I can't choose who she is going to play with and who she isn't. She makes her own decisions."

Yeah Sharon...Kelly's main problem is that she hangs out with Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss. Her boozing and drugging have nothing to do with the genes she inherited from Ozzy. Or from having to live with you for all those years.

Amy Winehouse Finds A Cause She Can Believe In

Famous booze-monkey Amy Winehouse has come to the aid of a London pub that is danger of being ruined.

The watering hole, The George Tavern, has been a favorite for years. Now the pub is in danger of losing much of its ambiance, as developers plan on raising an apartment complex nearby, which patrons say will change the unique 360-degree interior lighting that has been a feature of the establishment since it was opened in 1654.

Amy was reportedly working with the tavern's owners before she entered rehab. "Amy's a friend," said landlady Pauline Forster, "so I went to her flat to see her and she was there with her hairdresser Alex [Foden]. We started talking about the way forward and she said, 'We've got to do a Save The George t-shirt.'"

Genius! And now people like Kate Moss are going around sporting the $50 tees. Isn't it lovely when caring (drunk) folk come together to make a difference?

Aren't you amazed Amy was able to focus long enough to come up with her idea?

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Kate Moss Is A Good Mom

Kate Moss could be the best mom in the history of celeb moms. First of all...Kate has full grasp of the notion that, no matter what, you can't allow having a kid to curb your party lifestyle. Knowing this, Kate did not sweat the fact that she and her boyfriend Jamie Hince couldn't find a babysitter for her five-year-old daughter Lila Grace on New Year's Eve, and just packed up the kid and brought her with to the club.

No way should Kate have entertained the thought of just staying home. Mommy's desire for fun comes first. That's celeb parenting rule #1. And rule #2? Start 'em early. Kate's got that one down too. Quoting a Page 6 source:

Kate was dancing around with Lila, and they were sipping champagne until well past midnight. But Kate was definitely being a mom. She was with her daughter the whole time.

Hey, five-year-olds need to loosen up too, right? And there's absolutely no danger of Lila becoming a little pre-teen alcoholic in the coming years. We know very well that Kate has no addictive behavior genes herself, so Lila's in the clear in that regard.

There's no question about it: Kate Moss is your early front-runner for Celeb Mom of 2008. She's an even greater parenting genius than Lynne Spears or Dina Lohan.

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The Year In Pictures: Doherty Soaks Photog

From April...Pete Doherty throws a bucket of water on a photographer. It was a big year for Pete. He got arrested several times, gave pot to a penguin and almost killed it, admitted to blowing old men for crack money, got dumped by Kate Moss who then threw all his stuff out, went to rehab (didn't work), got caught giving crack to his cat, ended up living in a trailer park...and that's just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head.

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Moss Seeks Injunction Against Doherty

Kate Moss is no longer amused by her ex-junkie lover Pete Doherty, especially since she learned about Doherty's plans to sell a bunch of their home movies to ITV2 for their documentary about the couple. A furious Moss is now seeking an injunction in hopes of keeping anything embarrassing from being aired.

Moss may be angry, but I hope she's not surprised. Clearly, Doherty is a complete self-serving dirtbag, who will do anything to make a buck. It's reported that ITV2 may offer him as much as $1 million for the home-movies - that buys a lot of crack, baby. Selling home-movies is clearly preferable to sucking old men's dicks the way Pete used to when he needed drug money.

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Rupert Everett Makes Me Glad To Be Alive

Madonna and Kate Moss are fashion icons? Rupert Everett doesn't think so. The star of the new movie St. Trinian's said:

I should really be headmistress of a star academy. All these so-called style divas have such terrible dress sense. I could give them a proper going over, and then put them back on the road. "Ooh, look, Kate Moss's hands have become almost as grabby as Madonna's."

Actually, they're all at it, clutching their handbags with knobbly claws, like it's stuffed full of cash. That will have to be one of the first week's lessons at school. How to hold your handbag without looking grasping.

And the second week's lesson would be to wear long sleeves, especially if you're Madonna, and your arms look like maps of the Amazon and all its tributaries.

I love Rupert. In St. Trinian's he plays the headmistress of an all-girls' school - which should be amusing because it's Rupert; although I have to admit, I sort of got soured on homos doing drag performances after watching Travolta in Hairspray.

The Year In Pictures: Moss And Doherty Put The "Dead" In "Deadbeats"

From March...Kate Moss and Pete Doherty hit the NME Awards, looking like walking corpses. Little did we know it at the time, but Kate and Pete were on the verge of breaking up. And I thought love never died.

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Love Turns Up Nose At Moss's House

Walking lab experiment Courtney Love had her sights set on purchasing cokehead Kate Moss's North London home - until she had a look at the interior, which she described as "depressing" and a "mess."

Courtney's objections to the property included its magnolia and pink walls, which she thought made the place look "sterile," its scratched floors and old-looking plug sockets. Kate, keen to pawn the dump off on Courtney despite her reservations, tried sweetening the deal by throwing in a portrait of Sid Vicious she had hanging in the bathroom. Courtney didn't fall for that however, saying she "couldn't bathe with Sid hanging over her."

Courtney bathes?

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Kate Gives Up Money For Pete

Kate Moss has decided not to put a claim on royalties owed her from her "musical collaborations" with ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty, allowing the cash-strapped Pete to have all the money for himself. Said a friend of slaggy Moss:

Kate wants Pete to have the royalties. She was happy to have the writing credits on the album but it's not about the money for her. ... The music is Pete's thing. There is still a huge place in her heart for him and she is happy to see him doing better. She doesn't want to take money off him.

Does that not just restore your faith in humanity? I mean seriously - what a lovely gesture by Kate. Letting Pete have all the money because she knows how broke he is. And now Pete will be able to buy all the little miniature kitten-crackpipes he wants, and give crack to his kittens, and buy pot to give to penguins, and do all the other fun stuff he loves to do. I don't know about you, but my freaking heart is glowing right now.

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Kate Moss Insanely Jealous Of Sienna Miller

Cokehead Kate Moss has told her scruffy buddy Rhys Ifans to beware of having his heart broken by girlfriend Sienna Miller, who Kate seems to think is some kind of heartless man-eating skank. A friend of Sienna's told a British tab:

Kate isn't happy. Rhys was her main male friend in her close-knit group. She isn't keen on Sienna. There is definite tension between them.

Sienna was fuming after Kate gave Rhys a talking to when she heard the relationship was getting serious. Kate doesn't think it will last and doesn't want Rhys getting hurt.

Not hard to figure out what's going on here. Sienna's the new It-girl, the one everyone talks about, and Kate is jealous because that used to be her before years of living with Pete Doherty left her a total rodent-faced wreck. Kate must just gnash her teeth at the thought of how much attention Sienna gets. And Sienna plucking Rhys from Kate's little circle was the icing on the big green rancid cake of jealousy.

If I were Sienna, I'd be careful of Kate. I don't think that chick has even the first shred of a moral lurking anywhere in her disgusting anorexic body. If she's pushed far enough, I could easily see her killing Sienna. Or, I could possibly see Pete Doherty killing Sienna as a means of winning back Kate's heart. Either way, Sienna's probably going to end up dead. And Rhys Ifans is going to have to find a new couch to crash on.

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Doherty Free To Do Drugs Again

Animal-lover Pete Doherty has been released from an 18-month-old treatment order and is therefore no longer under court supervision. In other words...party at Pete's trailer!

Oh gosh, I know, Pete doesn't do drugs anymore. He's clean. Real clean. Like my conscience. Sorry but I just lapse into Taxi Driver sometimes. Someday a real rain's gonna come and wash all the scum off the streets...

Scum? Streets? Pete Doherty?

On the subject of Pete's love-life...there's a report out claiming Pete has dumped model Irina Lazareanu, to whom he was supposedly engaged, and is hot to get back together with Kate Moss. But now that he's off drugs, will Kate still look as scrumdiddlyumptious to him? Or will he suddenly realize what a scrawny, rat-faced little boy-girl she is?

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Pete Doherty Tried To Kill Himself In Rehab

News of the World claims that noted drug-crazed hooligan Pete Doherty attempted to kill himself while in rehab. The tab says Doherty, overcome with pain over the loss of girlfriend Kate Moss, downed an entire bottle of pills, but was foiled in his bid to end his life when he puked the whole mess up. A source tells NOTW:

He saw an opportunity to take an overdose and took it. He told me he didn't know what the pills were but thought "fuck it" and took them all. ... He doesn't care what drugs do to him—in fact, he likes finding out.

Well, he found out that these made him puke. And didn't kill him. Might I suggest throwing himself off a high building next time? Or lying down under a train? These are all better methods than trying to do yourself in with pills.

By the way, I don't buy for a second that Pete tried the overdose because he was upset over Kate Moss. He wasn't even thinking about Moss at that point. No, he was thinking about his one true actual love - drugs. As in, all the fun ones you don't get to take when you're in rehab. Like crack. If Pete was missing anything, it was his faithful crackpipe. So, in his despair, he tried to do himself in - with more drugs. Makes perfect sense.

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Miller vs. Moss

Sienna Miller and Kate Moss plumb don't like each other. The ill feelings between the two noted slags reportedly came to a head Saturday at a wedding reception for a mutual friend - with a little help from alcoholic spirits.

The trouble started, according to the Sun, when Sienna showed up with non-boyfriend Rhys Ifans - who is also a friend of Kate's. Moss, apparently, doesn't like the idea of Ifans sleeping with Sienna. But they're not sleeping with each other of course - Ifans has just been camping on Sienna's couch for several months. Whatever - Moss obviously thinks Ifans and Sienna are an item, and she's not pleased. She let Sienna know loudly and obnoxiously what she thinks of her - in front of all the wedding guests, and her own boyfriend Jamie Hince. Said a source:

Kate had a go at Sienna and accused her of stealing her style. She was ranting on about how Sienna was now trying to steal her lifestyle and her friends too. ... It was really cutting and everyone was listening to them. ... A few drinks had been sunk by the time Kate said it and Sienna had plucked up some Dutch courage too. She gave Kate as good as she got.

Sadie Frost, Kate's old friend and of course the sometime companion of Sienna's ex Jude Law, stepped between the two raging drunk idiots and brokered peace. Reports the source:

Sadie stood between them and reminded them that it was a wedding and that they should show some respect. Sienna was in the mood for carrying on the scrap but Rhys persuaded her to call it a night.

Sadly, no punches were thrown. It would've been hilarious to see pictures of these two knockdown alcoholic twits attempting to land bitch-slaps on each other's phony faces. I don't even know which slag to root for in this one - they are equally repellent. I guess I'd root for Sienna only because I find her marginally more amusing than Moss - although I think I'd enjoy seeing Sienna's face all bruised up more than I would Moss's, for some reason. And think of all the damage Moss could've done with those bony knuckles of hers.

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Courtney And Kate Are Buds

Disturbingly, it appears that Courtney Love and Kate Moss have become friends. How the hell did this happen? Did Satan decide humanity wasn't suffering sufficiently? Aren't hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, epidemics and Andy Dick enough Satan?

Courtney Love And Kate Moss?

What exactly is Courtney Love up to? First we hear that she was kissing Pete Doherty while visiting the junkie in rehab, now we see her at a swanky party posing with Doherty's ex Kate Moss? And what's going on with Courtney's face in this picture? She looks almost attractive. Like Madonna just before she became completely old and beastly.

Reports from the swanky party say Courtney accidentally stepped on the train of Kate Moss's ridiculously expensive vintage dress and tore it. Apparently this wasn't the only damage Kate's dress suffered during the night, because by the end of it, the poor thing looked like this:

Jodie Kidd Buys Drugs On Video, Bashes People Who Are More Famous Than Her

British tab News of the World has obtained video of model Jodie Kidd doing a drug deal. They got the footage by having one of their reporters pose as a potential financial backer for some new business venture Jodie is trying to get into (offer Jodie money and apparently she will do anything). The video, taken with a camera the reporter smuggled into a hotel room, shows Jodie lying on the couch setting up a drug buy over the phone (the reporter apparently suggested buying the drugs to Jodie). Having worked out the details, Jodie puts on her jacket and leaves with the reporter. NOTW says that Jodie and the spy then went to Jodie's brother Jack's manor house in Windsor, where the drug dealer showed up in a car. The reporter handed some money to Jodie who then gave it to the dealer in exchange for the drugs. At this point, Jodie's brother is supposed to have said, "Next time you come, give us some warning. We will get a load for you. Take it one bag at a time."

The crafty reporter also got Jodie to hold forth about certain famous figures during dinner. Jodie boasted of her friendship with David and Victoria Beckham at one point, saying:

I go to all the World Cup parties up at the Beckhams'. That's why I know David so well. It's through Victoria when she started getting into fashion many years ago. I did a show with her and she kind of attached herself.

The reporter then asked Jodie if she thought Victoria was a model. Jodie replied:

No of course she's not. She's certainly not a model. ... Can you imagine her? If you have a look in magazines now it's her new perfume and there's a picture of her. Urrgh.

Jodie then said of Posh's domineering nature:

She wears the pants, which is amazing because he is the one who could have anyone in the whole entire world.

Jodie also bashed fellow cokehead Kate Moss, saying:

Kate was very cool but she got a bit affected. They get very affected by stardom. It goes to their head.

And of Naomi Campbell:

She's a fucking monster! ... If there is something that she can get out of you, if you are a client, she's a darling, she's lovely! But anyone that isn't going to pay her and give her whatever she wants, she'll treat like rubbish and I can't bear that.

And Liz Hurley gets it too:

She's at my agency. She did the Monsoon campaign after I did. One employer was like, "she's a nightmare." She is very, very, controlling.

Jodie Kidd sounds like a fun chick to party with. I'm guessing Pete Doherty has already gotten her phone number.

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You Knew This Was Inevitable...

Everyone's favorite junkie couple, Pete Doherty and Kate Moss, is back on according to a report in the Daily Mail. The paper says the pair, who broke it off earlier this year after Pete got busy with another woman, have been secretly staying together at Claridge's in London - and have also been slipping out to a $3,000-per-night suite at the Mayfair hotel for wild parties. Sources say the couple have gone to great lengths to disguise their activities, having Kate slip in and out in the middle of the night. The long-anticipated reconciliation reportedly began with a phone call. Says a source:

During her holiday in Spain, Pete was calling [Kate] on the mobile incessantly. He could not get through and the line kept going dead. She eventually called him one evening and since that conversation they have been continually on the phone. Kate has been like a moth to the flame. ... When she got back to Britain, they met up at the hotel. He cried and she cried. She said to him she had been avoiding him because she had promised everyone from her managers to her mother that she would. She told him, "It's not me. It's just what they all made me do."

Yes, how perfect for Kate - having all these other people to hang responsibility on. I suppose it was they who made her throw Pete out of the house in the first place, and have his stuff moved to a trailer court. It was they who made her change the locks and hire security and start referring to Pete as "Slug." And they made her burn all his paintings and notebooks as well. Let's face it - Kate is not the brightest bulb in the strand. Anyone lame enough to "fall under the spell" of a pitiful wretch like Doherty probably deserves to be stuck with him. And Kate is stuck with him. At least until the poor bastard finally dies or simply burns one too many brain cells and winds up a vegetable. Then I guess she can just go lesbo and start hooking up with Amy Winehouse.

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