Is There Anyone Hotter Than Rachel Zoe?

I mean besides your dead grandmother who has been worm-food for a good ten years.

Fatterline Even Fatter

Fatterline should've been this fat when he met Britney. The Shitster never would've fucked him then and think of all the trouble he would've been spared. Soon Fatterline we'll be so fat someone will have to do a Discovery Channel special about him where he's stuck in his trailer and they have to cut the thing open like a sardine can to get his fat disgusting blob of an ass out and then carry him by forklift like some giant washed-up carcass to the clinic where they have to tear out a whole wall to get him into the operating room for the gastric band surgery.

Strike A Pose. Not That Pose.

Rumer the Tumor could help herself greatly by learning to avoid being photographed at this sort of angle. Not that there's any such thing as a flattering angle for this beast. Maybe the back-shot. Even then, all you can think about is the freakish chin.

Leapin' Limey

David Beckham tries out the crazy new sex harness Will Smith bought for him. Actually, no...he went bungee-jumping. He thought about Posh on the way down and for a second really wished the cord would break.

Nobody Cares

Katy Perry slays me. She's totally convinced that everyone finds her super-hot and interesting with all her wacky costumes and acting out when the truth is everyone just rolls their eyes. Poor dumb wannabe. Well, at least she's not as annoying as Avril. That's something.

Back On?

David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have been photographed around a lot lately with their kids, leading to speculation that they've put all the ickiness behind them and are heading toward reconciliation. Personally, I don't think David should forgive the bitch. I wouldn't if I were him. And if I were Tea, I'm not sure I would necessarily want that balding, paunchy, no-career-having bastard back either. She's no spring-chicken anymore and who wants to waste their life on a certified horndog who's losing the hot faster than Pete Doherty shedding brain cells at a crack party? They both need to move on to greener pastures.

Snubbed By A Fake Plastic Wench

Creepy Russell Brand tried asking Dita Von Teese out on a radio show but the "burlesque queen" was having none of it. "I will not be shagging Russell Brand," Dita said during a recent red carpet appearance. "Just because I gave him my number does not mean I’ll be going on a date with him.

"I was the subject of one of his calls once, but I didn’t answer the phone thank goodness. I just saw his name come up on the screen and thought: 'I don’t think I’m going to answer that right now.'"

Wow Russell Brand. Think about that. A woman who fucked Marilyn Manson doesn't want to fuck you. Will anyone fuck you? And don't say Sienna Miller - she doesn't count. I mean will anyone fuck you who has even the slightest hint of a standard.