The world is up in arms because the New York Post critic Lou Lumenick got mad at Roger Ebert while they were in some screening in Toronto and smacked him on the knee with a rolled-up program. Apparently Ebert, whose face is fucked up because of cancer surgery, kept tapping Lumenick on the arm to get him to move his head, and Lumenick finally couldn't take it anymore. Toronto Film Festival officials resolved the crisis by giving Lumenick a different seat. The Post critic has yet to apologize to Ebert who, for his part, has insisted the whole thing was no big deal, and says he wants people to stop treating him like a cripple who can't handle a smack on the knee.
I don't want to sound like I'm advocating beating up on mutes with half their faces missing but...okay, I guess that is what I'm advocating. But I think in Ebert's case there's legitimate cause for a smackdown. Have you ever read his review of Blue Velvet? He gave it one star! One freaking star for possibly the greatest movie ever made? I wouldn't care if Ebert got all his limbs hacked off and was in an iron lung and had an artificial skull made of uncooked lasagna - he'd still deserve to get his ass beat in for that. And someone should get him now before he kicks it entirely.
