How Fucked Is The Republican Party?

On The Daily Beast, Christopher Buckley makes the case for Joe Scarborough as the man to lead the Republican party out of darkness:

There’s been a lot of talk lately among Republicans about the need to find a new face for our party. Rush Limbaugh’s and Dick Cheney’s are, let’s face it, a bit scary. John Boehner’s looks like it wants to sell you a used car. Mitch McConnell’s looks like that of the accountant who’s explaining to you why you can’t afford the car that Mr. Boehner is trying to get you to buy, no money down.

So we Republicans have a Face Gap with the Democrats, who—let’s face it—have the best one of all in Mr. Obama.

Well, I think I’ve found the new face of the Republican Party. It’s not a new one, entirely, and it’s been hiding out on national television every weekday morning from six to nine.

Joe Scarborough.

I say this because I have just read his new book, The Last Best Hope: Restoring Conservatism and America's Promise. It’s not a perfect book by any means. It’s a bit preachy here and there, a bit speechy here and there, a bit cutesy here and there, and occasionally repetitive. That said, it is a thoroughly honest book about the largely, if not entirely, self-inflicted wounds the Republicans have visited upon themselves over the last eight or more years. And his argument that we are heading to certain fiscal disaster is quite calmly and dispassionately made. Into the bargain, Joe Scarborough comes across as a profoundly likeable and reasonable man. Reagan Lite, you might even say. Could we do better? I’m open to suggestions.

Suggestion? How about a random retard hauled off a random short bus? Seriously dude, if you're looking for Joe Scarborough to lead you, you might as well just curl up and whimper yourself into the great beyond. This guy makes Bobby Jindal look like, well, William F. Buckley. Plus I'm not altogether convinced Scarborough is human. There's something naggingly ape-like about him. It's possible he may have started out human, but fell into some mad scientist's de-evolution machine at some point, and came out as something closer to Jon Voight.

Thanks For Warning Us Jon

Jon Voight is on a crusade to stop Barack Obama from...I'm not sure quite what. Ruining America? Spreading socialism? Having sex with white women? Obviously, not everyone in that family is as fond of brown people as Angelina. But it's easy to see where she gets the crazy from. Voight has gone entirely off the rails; he makes Dennis Miller seem calm and reasonable.

I'm not entirely certain where Jon is going with his "false prophet" characterization of Obama. Does anyone really think of him as a prophet? He's using the kind of language that goes over well with other religious imbeciles, I guess. Jeez, this is what the right wing has going for it. Jon Voight. Rush Limbaugh. Glenn Beck. Sarah Palin. That dude from Growing Pains who thinks the second coming is right around the corner. That homophobe Miss California. Brain wizards.

Voight Responds

Jon Voight has fired a return volley at Roseanne Barr, who recently attacked the actor and his estranged daughter Angelina Jolie for their support of Republican candidate John McCain. Roseanne blasted a few days ago:

Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more.

Miss Jolie says she likes [John] McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan?

It might be good for your Asian and African children's self-esteem to know you support [Barack Obama] for the leader of the free world.

Now go back to making your movies about women who love to handle big guns that shoot hundreds of people to death.

Voight responded in a statement to Extra TV:

We can never be surprised at what vile evil comes from the mouth of a confessed victim of child abuse at the hands of her own parents. Her parents responded to the accusations by going on the air and stating she is a psychopathic liar and her sister agreed.

(Editor's Note: Is he talking about Roseanne or Angie?)

Her defaming of our National Anthem in 1990 gave us insight into who she is and what she is capable of saying and doing. My allegiance to Senator McCain becomes stronger with any assault that tries to deter my loyalty to him. I can only pray that good people see her for what she is (sick of mind).

There's nothing like a couple of maniacs going at each other through the press. Thus far, Angelina and Brad have elected to stay out of it. Maybe because Roseanne already backed down a bit, saying she didn't mean that Brad and Angie were actually evil but just came across evil in the media. Head-scratcher. Anyway, Jon Voight calling anyone else sick of mind is just a hoot. Dude's batshit crazy and so are his kids. This needs to end in some really spectacular way. Pistols at dawn or something. Someone needs to die and I don't care who it is.

Roseanne Crushes Brad and Angie

Not sure what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie ever did to Roseanne Barr, but it must've been pretty bad for the former sitcom star to go on the rant she posted on her website today. I'd link to it but the site appears to be down (swamped or maybe Brad and Angie had their hackers go after it). Anyway, the juicy bits are out there for all the world to see. Roseanne's angry diatribe, addressed initially to Angie's crazy right-wing father Jon Voight, reads in part:

Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more.

Miss Jolie says she likes [John] McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan?

It might be good for your Asian and African children's self-esteem to know you support [Barack Obama] for the leader of the free world.

Now go back to making your movies about women who love to handle big guns that shoot hundreds of people to death.

I'd really love to dismiss Roseanne's statements as the ravings of a lunatic who somehow forgot to take her meds, but I can't. She has pretty much nailed the hypocrisy of Angelina and anyone else in Hollywood who makes money in culture-destroying trash then pretends to give a damn about the plight of humanity. The only problem with Roseanne's screed is the part about Obama. He's somehow not a part of the great all-devouring American machine? Why? Because he's a Democrat? Because he's black? Roseanne has drunk the Obama Kool Aid. She's not alone, that's for sure.

Jon Voight Joins Cast of 24. James Haven Next?

The Hollywood Reporter says Jon Voight will be joining the cast of FOX series 24 as hero Jack Bauer's evil nemesis.

Voight will reportedly be introduced in the 7th season's prequel, then return later in the year.

For the 8th season, star Kiefer Sutherland will be replaced as Jack Bauer...by Voight's widow-banging spawn James Haven.

James Haven and Jon Voight Are Buds

No, your eyes do not deceive you...that is a picture of James Haven and Jon Voight together. And they're not strangling each other!

When did things suddenly become cool between these two? I thought Voight was on James Haven and Angelina's permanent shit-list. Maybe JH is broke. Leeching off widows doesn't pay like it used to. Or perhaps JH kidnapped Voight, gave him mind-controlling drugs and is now using him as his zombie-puppet.

I do know one thing...that is a disturbing picture. These people are just not right.

Jon Voight Wants Angelina and the Babies to Be Healthy. Well, the Babies, Anyway...

Jon Voight admits that he hasn't spoken to his daughter Angelina Jolie lately (like, in several years). He does, however, wish her and her unborn babies well.

"Right now I just want those babies to be healthy and for the mommy to be healthy," Jon said on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards.

Come on Jon...stop with the nicey-nicey. Everyone knows you despise that little whore your sperm created. She and that serial killer-looking fucker James Haven do nothing but bad-mouth your ass. According to them you're the worst excuse for a father in the history of the world.

James Haven Bad-Mouths His Daddy

Angelina Jolie's brother James Haven has been going back-and-forth with his and Angie's much-maligned father Jon Voight. Here's what JH had to say about Voight in an interview with Marie Claire:

I don't want to constantly berate my father... but he put my mom through years of mental abuse, and it made me care especially for abandoned women and children. That's my religion - helping widows and orphans.

Abandoned women are widows? So if a man dies in some kind of freak accident say, that still counts as abandonment? I ain't gonna argue with you James, cause frankly I don't want you haunting my nightmares. Okay I'm gonna take you to task a little bit though - that "I don't want to say bad things about my father, but he's an asshole" bit is getting a tad shopworn. Seriously - what did that guy ever do that was so bad? You and Angie like dropping little hints that he was just this mean dude but you're never specific. So did he rape you with a toilet plunger or not? Cause if it was just the usual old "he was never there for us" crap - sorry hon, but join the club.

Anyhoo, old Jon Voight still has enough spunk left to come back at his ungrateful kids when they attack him. Here's what the old fart said to Life & Style:

I find it very heartbreaking that my children want to paint a bad guy portrait of me. I feel it comes from their inability to let go of years of programmed anger from their mother, who understandably felt quite hurt when we divorced.

In all truth, I tried to give him and their mother continuous love and support and large sums of money. God knows, for years I've tried to mend this relationship.

Perhaps the trauma of their mother's passing has made it worse. I continuously send them my heart and love and am always available to them for whatever they need from me.

You're always sending them your heart? What the hell are they supposed to do with that shriveled-up old thing, play hacky sack? Oh, I do like the honesty though - about all the money you sent them over the years. Cause let's face it, that's the crux of this whole thing. Not so much for Angie cause she's got her own money but James - he doesn't have a lot going on I'd venture to say, so he's probably just bitter that the old man doesn't cough up as much as he used to. If James is so hard-up, maybe he should consider trying to "help" a better class of widow - they can be very giving if buttered up in the right way. Course, it's probably not that easy to get in the door when you look like Dracula's inbred, hemophiliac cousin.

(source)

Angelina And Voight Not Reconciling

Angelina Jolie and Jon Voight did not get together over the weekend as previously reported, and are not working on reconciliation. A spokesperson for Voight says:

It's all a mistake. They didn't see each other...

Well, there goes my last shred of faith in humanity. Thanks a lot spokesperson for Jon Voight. Fucker.

(source)

Angelina Set To Reconcile With Voight?

Rumors are swirling yet again that Angelina Jolie may be about to patch things up with her estranged father Jon Voight. The latest round of whispering was triggered when Jon was seen leaving New York's Waldorf Astoria hotel, where Jolie has been living with her forty-eight kids and kept-man Brad Pitt. Voight was said to be smiling as he exited the hotel - I think somebody got hisself a blow-job.

(source)