Her Favorite

Not sure why, but I always get the impression that Maddox is Angie's favorite. Of course we know she hates the blob. She probably hates the twins because they are also blobs, though she has been careful not to call them that. Zahara is basically Brad's. And Pax...he's just along for the ride.

When Angie dies, Maddox will get everything. The black wardrobe. The whips and handcuffs. The knives. All of it. And James Haven will be devastated.

Let the Emotional Scarring Begin

James Haven has arrived in Nice to see his new niece and nephew Vivienne and Knox for the first time. You mean he wasn't there all the time? He wasn't in the delivery room making a video for his creepy Angelina collection? Well what the hell James? Not very supportive of you. I'm sure Angie will forgive you though. A little tonsil-hockey and everything will be fine.

I don't know about you, but if I were a new mom, I wouldn't want James Haven's child-molester face hovering over my newborns. That's going to give them nightmares forever.

Jon Voight Joins Cast of 24. James Haven Next?

The Hollywood Reporter says Jon Voight will be joining the cast of FOX series 24 as hero Jack Bauer's evil nemesis.

Voight will reportedly be introduced in the 7th season's prequel, then return later in the year.

For the 8th season, star Kiefer Sutherland will be replaced as Jack Bauer...by Voight's widow-banging spawn James Haven.

James Haven and Jon Voight Are Buds

No, your eyes do not deceive you...that is a picture of James Haven and Jon Voight together. And they're not strangling each other!

When did things suddenly become cool between these two? I thought Voight was on James Haven and Angelina's permanent shit-list. Maybe JH is broke. Leeching off widows doesn't pay like it used to. Or perhaps JH kidnapped Voight, gave him mind-controlling drugs and is now using him as his zombie-puppet.

I do know one thing...that is a disturbing picture. These people are just not right.

James Haven to Meet With Senators

Angelina's freaky brother James Haven is also on the save-the-world kick.

Today, the child molesterish James will meet with Senators Dick Lugar, Barbara Boxer and others about the problems of AIDS and malaria in Africa.

If James wants to stop AIDS in Africa, he should stop fucking Africans.

Okay, that was bad. Anyway...since James is in Washington doing good deeds, Angelina has to be there too. Angie was actually spotted in town yesterday, with Maddox and Pax, at the Air and Space Museum.

I wonder if Angie and James were able to make time for themselves. You know, put the kids to sleep, head into the bedroom for a little hanky-panky...

I just made myself barf.

James Haven Claims Angelina Was "Too Sensitive" to Attend Pre-Oscar Party With Jennifer Aniston

Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston were scheduled to be at the same pre-Oscar party - this was known by everyone well in advance - but at the last second Angie skipped out. This disappointed those who thought some juicy report would come out of the party about how much Angie and Jennifer clearly hate each other.

Of course, we all know that Angie skipped the party because deep down she's ashamed of herself for stealing Brad away from Aniston, and she simply couldn't face Jennifer. This is not the explanation Angie's brother James Haven is offering however.

"Angie is an incredibly strong but also incredibly sensitive woman, and she would always be careful when another woman's feelings are concerned,” Mr. Undead told Grazia magazine. "She'd go out of her way to make sure there was no situation that would hurt another woman because of her, and I'm talking about a situation like one of Brad's ex partners or his ex-wife."

Of course James would insist that Angie skipped the party out of consideration for Jennifer's feelings - this is because James worships Angelina like a goddess. He's disturbed.

Honestly, if Angelina were even half the being James Haven thinks she is, then I'd say she should be put up for sainthood immediately. Unfortunately, James lives in a complete fantasy world, one that revolves around Angelina and his sick incestuous desire for her. One day, James is going to have intensive therapy, and all this shit is going to come out...and then he's going to write a book, which will be the sickest, most depraved, wonderful book in the history of the world.

James Haven: Brad And Angie Are Ready To Adopt Again

Angelina Jolie's creepy, no-job-having brother James Haven says Angie and her kept-man Brad Pitt are ready to adopt another kid.

"They are creating one big family and will keep adopting as long as they are able to," James Haven said. "Angie and Brad talk about how much they've been taught by their kids. In many respects, Angie saved Zahara's life and there are so many more children whose lives she could save and she talks about that constantly."

God, how insufferable must that be - some bitch blabbering endlessly about
saving the children. Even Albert Schweitzer would've wanted to punch her in the mouth.

According to James, Brad and Angie will be heading to Africa over Easter to shop for a female baby. Yes, must keep the balance - another black girl to go with Zahara. Angie's looking over skin chits even as we speak. And Brad? In the corner sneaking pills.

(source)

James Haven Talks Crap Again

Angelina's creepy brother James Haven is once again flapping his gums about what a wonderful, caring person he is. Here's James on the strong feelings the poor, suffering people of the world inspire in him:

I'm so sensitive. If a building has been condemned or it's left to ruin, I get so upset. I feel something really deeply about it. I don't like to see anything neglected. If I see a down-and-out I can't walk past, it really gets to me and I want to do everything I can.

I can totally relate to your feelings James. Like, whenever I'm in a bakery, and see some delicious cake or pie or other pastry sitting there neglected, I just feel so strongly about it - I have to do something. So I buy the cake or pie or whatever, and take it home and make a nice warm, safe place for it in my tummy. It's the least I can do, really.

Seriously, what the fuck does this shit-for-brains think he's proving by constantly trumpeting his compassionate nature? Is he trying to make people less uncomfortable around him? Sorry James, but it's not working. You're just flat-out creepy. It doesn't matter how much you tear up over urban decay, or how many quarters you hand out to smelly, drunken indigents - you will always be a bug-eyed freak.

Please James - just stop talking. Stop telling us how great you are and how great Angelina is. No one is as great as you purport you and your sister to be. No one is as pure of motive or innocent of heart as you apparently believe you are. You live in a sick, creepy, butt-lipped fantasy world. And your sister is even ickier and more self-obsessed than you are.

(source)

Somebody Has Sex With That?

Angelina's charming brother James Haven brought along a date to the premiere of Angie's new movie Beowulf. So by going around with some fugly chick James thinks he can make us forget that he's obsessed with his own sister? Sorry, but no. We all know who you really want James. And your girlfriend knows too - because you screamed out "Angelina!" while you were having sex with her.



Someone wanted to make a James Haven Halloween mask, but then they started thinking about all the lawsuits from the heart attacks and people killing themselves because of the nightmares. So they didn't.

James Haven Bad-Mouths His Daddy

Angelina Jolie's brother James Haven has been going back-and-forth with his and Angie's much-maligned father Jon Voight. Here's what JH had to say about Voight in an interview with Marie Claire:

I don't want to constantly berate my father... but he put my mom through years of mental abuse, and it made me care especially for abandoned women and children. That's my religion - helping widows and orphans.

Abandoned women are widows? So if a man dies in some kind of freak accident say, that still counts as abandonment? I ain't gonna argue with you James, cause frankly I don't want you haunting my nightmares. Okay I'm gonna take you to task a little bit though - that "I don't want to say bad things about my father, but he's an asshole" bit is getting a tad shopworn. Seriously - what did that guy ever do that was so bad? You and Angie like dropping little hints that he was just this mean dude but you're never specific. So did he rape you with a toilet plunger or not? Cause if it was just the usual old "he was never there for us" crap - sorry hon, but join the club.

Anyhoo, old Jon Voight still has enough spunk left to come back at his ungrateful kids when they attack him. Here's what the old fart said to Life & Style:

I find it very heartbreaking that my children want to paint a bad guy portrait of me. I feel it comes from their inability to let go of years of programmed anger from their mother, who understandably felt quite hurt when we divorced.

In all truth, I tried to give him and their mother continuous love and support and large sums of money. God knows, for years I've tried to mend this relationship.

Perhaps the trauma of their mother's passing has made it worse. I continuously send them my heart and love and am always available to them for whatever they need from me.

You're always sending them your heart? What the hell are they supposed to do with that shriveled-up old thing, play hacky sack? Oh, I do like the honesty though - about all the money you sent them over the years. Cause let's face it, that's the crux of this whole thing. Not so much for Angie cause she's got her own money but James - he doesn't have a lot going on I'd venture to say, so he's probably just bitter that the old man doesn't cough up as much as he used to. If James is so hard-up, maybe he should consider trying to "help" a better class of widow - they can be very giving if buttered up in the right way. Course, it's probably not that easy to get in the door when you look like Dracula's inbred, hemophiliac cousin.

(source)