Nicky Hilton Brings the Fug

Are you sure Marilyn Manson didn't father Nicky Hilton?

Britney Update

I know you're all on the edges of your seats wondering what's been going on with Britney Spears this weekend. Apparently, there has actually been a positive development (yes, those do sometimes happen to Britney). According to Robin Leach's Vegas Luxe Life (Robin Leach is a blogger now - who knew?), Britney's brother Bryan has been brokering some kind of peace between her and mother Lynne, and today Lynne and little sis Jamie Lynn flew to Vegas perhaps to meet up with Britney themselves. If they do meet, however, it will not be in Steve Wynn's hotel. Britney, as reported earlier, was chucked out of the Wynn Las Vegas after her bodyguard Julio Camera got in a scuffle with a photographer outside. Now it's being reported that Steve Wynn himself ordered Britney, brother Bryan, the two kiddies and Julio out of his hotel - partly, it appears, because of some "outrageous diva-demands" Britney made when she first arrived (demands Robin Leach's site promises to fill us in on come Monday).

As for the bodyguard's fight with the photographer - it's being reported now that Julio could face up to six months in the slammer for assault. Also, Britney's charge that a paparazzo injured Sean Preston during the scrum has been shot down for lack of evidence (SP showed no sign of having been even so much as scratched), and no charges will be filed against the accused.

Britney has now reportedly been installed inside a room in Caesars Palace, and is planning to attend singer Fergie's concert at the Palms tonight. Also, it's being reported that Paris Hilton is in Vegas this weekend with her sister Nicky, and all the L.A. paps have made their way to Sin City to be there should the Hiltons wind up in the same place as Britney. Paris and Britney, we recall, made waves last year when they started partying together, but Britney eventually distanced herself from Paris, who was clearly a bad influence on her. Could there be some kind of crazy skank reunion tonight in Vegas? And if so, would it be asking too much for a meteor to hit the city?

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(Thanks again to Crabbiefan Kitty Sheehan for the tip. I'd send you a thank you gift but I'm poor as dirt.)

Nicky Hilton Is One Ugly Chick

Nicky Hilton heads to a baby shower. What does a Hilton bring as a gift to a baby shower by the way? A pair of baby hooker-boots? A toddler-sized bong? The number of a good lawyer for future reference?

Maybe it's just the angle, but doesn't Nicky look even uglier than usual? Her head appears elongated, plus her hair is not great. And her face. It looks like a wild animal tore it off, and the surgeon who put it back together couldn't figure out where the pieces went so he just said fuck it.

Paris's Support System

Stavros Niarchos and Nicky Hilton visit Paris at Twin Towers in L.A. Reportedly, the pair were skipped ahead of a bunch of other people waiting in line. But the rich don't get special treatment.

One thing on Stavros - every time something bad happens to Paris, this dude is always one of the first to show up and lend his support. He obviously cares about her a lot. But she keeps treating him like crap. What does it take to teach a guy? Of course, the new, more caring Paris will be able to appreciate Stavros. Until she gets bored of being caring, and dumps him again for some random piece of ass.

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Paris And Nicky Are Big Ball Fans

Paris and Nicky Hilton attend a baseball game. I suppose I could make a joke about how much Paris and Nicky like watching men play with balls, but frankly I don't feel like it. Anyway we know Paris doesn't really like men at all. And Nicky, of course, actually is a man. And if there were a God one or both of them would've gotten drilled by a hard foul or whatever the hell happens in baseball that could possibly injure someone who was sitting by the field. Actually, I'd really like to see Paris or Nicky - but mostly Paris - at a football game, and have this happen to her:



The kid was all right, by the way, so you can save your outrage.

Nicky Hilton And Nicole Richie Fight MS

Nicky Hilton and Nicole Richie appear at the 14th Annual Race to Erase MS. The only thing Nicole's racing to erase is herself, if you ask me. And Nicky - I know you're trying hon, but damn. You are one ugly specimen of humanity. Seriously - I've seen severe cottage cheese asses that were prettier than your face. Courtney Love's midriff is prettier than your face. What you need to do is go to France and order up one of those face-transplants, like that woman had whose lips were bitten off by a dog. Except you need more than the lips - you need the whole thing. My God, was your mother fucked by a deformed donkey or something? And by the way - I don't see any pictures of Paris from last night's Race to Erase MS. What, Paris doesn't care about erasing MS? She was too busy eating out strippers probably. Or maybe she was at the jail visiting her pal Joe Francis. Nah - Paris doesn't want anything to do with jails, does she? Except for all the lesbos in there. Yeah, Paris would probably like jail, if they would let her take night-trips to Teddy's and Les Deux.

Striped Nicky

A Hilton in stripes. We might as well get used to that look, cause we're going to be seeing a lot of it once Paris finally gets put in jail. Ah - just wishful thinking on my part. Paris is never going to go to jail. Somehow, some way, she will always wriggle out of trouble. She's like a fish you reel in but can't get a grip on. Eh - why am I making fishing analogies? I haven't had a rod in my hand since that sixth-grade Halloween party with the big bucket full of prizes. Rod in my hand - well, I walked into that one didn't I? Damn you Nicky Hilton. Look what you made me go and do. You ugly-ass c**t.

"Gay Leaders" Want Apology From Paris

The leaders of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation are angry over Paris Hilton's use of the word "faggot" in a widely-circulated video, and want an apology from the mentally retarded socialite.

The offending piece of footage, shot at a party, shows Paris and her equally repulsive sister Nicky dancing, badly, and at various points uttering charming phrases that could be construed as homophobic and racist in nature, but could just as easily be taken as the mere ignorant verbal vomitings of a pair of drunken harlots. Predictably, the GLAAD folks, who like PETA seldom miss an opportunity to glom onto someone famous, have seen fit to take the late-night obnoxiousness seriously, and have released the following statement:

"These are not frivolous words, and to use them as if they are gives tacit sanction to the racism and homophobia they engender. Hilton has an obligation to go on the record, explain herself, and publicly apologize to the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) and African American communities and all those offended by these slurs."

First of all, I as a homosexual wish to openly disavow any connection whatsoever to GLAAD, or any other organization that purports to speak for me and others in the "gay community." I am perfectly capable of speaking for myself, thanks very much, and do not need a special interest group (whose sole reason for existing is to give a bunch of whining left-wing assholes a sense of power) demanding an apology on my behalf, or trying to guilt-trip me into feeling I should be offended by something I regard as mere stupidity. I, because I live in the real world and not the political one, was not bothered by anything Paris Hilton said - in fact, if the day ever comes when I take anything a person like Paris Hilton says, does or thinks seriously, I want someone to immediately put me out of my misery. A bullet in the back of the head should do it.

The problem with GLAAD and these other organizations is that they thrive on publicity - that's how they hoodwink people into giving them money - and because they are basically incapable of generating publicity on their own, they are forced to attach themselves to anything remotely controversial, and hopefully inflame said controversy to the point where they make their cause look terribly righteous and themselves terribly necessary to the continuing smooth functioning of society. Paris Hilton gets attention, and by attacking Paris, GLAAD gets attention too, and donations from rich people who think some really vital service is being performed by these clowns. It's a racket, and it thrives on the sham of political correctness. Well, political correctness be damned. I hope Paris runs around calling people faggots in public for years to come, just to irritate the self-righteous jack-off purveyors of euphemism and mealy-mouthed "sensitivity." Paris Hilton is what she is - an imbecile with a big fat mouth. But at least I know what Paris is, and knowing that, I can deal with her. The special interest charlatans and PC Gestapo are the ones who scare me, because of the way they hide behind words, and politics and their own allegedly socially conscious motives. Their use of Hilton's silly verbal indiscretion as a means of thrusting their agenda into the spotlight is sickeningly calculated and hopelessly predictable. Of course, I don't pretend to speak for all gays. I'm not that presumptuous. If people want to hate Hilton, that's their prerogative. However, I would hope that folks would be smart enough to look at this rationally, and not get caught up in a lot of knee-jerk nonsense. There are more important things going on in the world than dumb Paris Hilton tossing around some well-worn epithets, and by denouncing her, you only demonstrate your own frivolousness and need to get a life.

Paris/Nicky Limo Pics

These pictures of Paris and Nicky Hilton in the back of a limo in their underwear are all over the internet. Honestly, I don't see the big deal.

They're just having a little fun.