Mandy Moore Thinks Wilmer Valderrama Is Tacky

Mandy Moore doesn't think it was very cool of Wilmer Valderrama to brag of taking her virginity on the Howard Stern Show. The hefty starlet tells Blender mag:

That's not a fun thing to have said about you. Even now when I think about it, I’m like, ugh. It’s pretty tacky.

You know all about tackiness, don't you Mandy? And having trouble finding clothes that fit.

(source)

Lohan Unimpressed By Wilmer's Serenade

Wilmer Valderrama still carries a torch for Lindsay Lohan, whom he dated back in 2004. Ever the romantic, Wilmer tried showing his undying love for Lindsay at the nightclub Unik's karaoke party on Sunday night - only to be rebuffed most cruelly by his former squeeze.

A source told the New York Daily News about Wilmer's last-ditch musical play for Lindsay's heart. "He tried to talk to her," reports the source, "but she didn't have much time for him. Then he grabbed a microphone and said, 'Lindsay, this is for you.'" At which point Wilmer burst into a rendition of Matchbox 20's Back 2 Good, which features the following lyrics:

Its nothing, its so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I dont go there cuz I dont want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
Its best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldnt tell, if anyone here was feeling
The way I do
But Im lonely now, and I dont know how
To get it back to good

Aw, that's so sweet - too bad it didn't work. No, poor Wilmer's heartfelt appeal for one last chance did nothing to move Lindsay, who reportedly shouted back to him, "It's too late!" And Wilmer apparently didn't take the rejection very well. Said the source:

Wilmer tried to take it like a man. But he left a few minutes later.

Yes, and found a place to drown his sorrows I'm sure. Or at least muffle them by burying his face in some random skank's funky vagina.

(source)

Who The Hell Is Jessica Biel Screwing?

Jessica Biel's the hottest thing in show-biz right now, at least going by the number of male celebrities who want to add her to their list of conquests. In just the last week, Biel, star of the acclaimed mystery The Illusionist, has found herself targeted by not one but two heat-seeking Hollywood bedroom-missiles - hunky actor Ryan Reynolds, and well-known sex addict Wilmer Valderrama.

Last week, Page 6 declared that Biel and Valderrama looked like "a hot new couple" when they danced together at the Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel. "They were in deep conversation," reported a witness. "Then, Latin music was playing and he twirled her about. They seemed to be together all night." But today, Just Jared says that Biel was in the company of Reynolds on Oscar night, and that the two of them left the GQ Oscar party together.

Now, it would be really easy to call Jessica Biel a slut right here, especially since she allegedly also had relationships with Justin Timberlake and baseballer Derek Jeter recently, but I'm not going to go there. I don't think Jessica is a slut - I think she's just picky. I mean, girls - you know how you are. You walk into a clothing store or something, and what, you just grab the first thing your eye falls on? Of course not. You've got to browse. You've got to try different stuff on. You've got to try something on, put it back, then try something else, then take the first thing and try that again, then end up buying neither. And why should Jessica be any different? All right, granted, we are talking about men here, which is somewhat different than clothes - but not all that different, really, when you think about it. I mean, for Jessica, who can have about any man she wants, picking a boyfriend probably is a lot like shopping for clothes. You know, there's more to consider than just whether something is comfortable. You've got to look good in it. It's got to make you feel sexy. So, Jessica is just shopping around, looking for the right fit. Timberlake - yeah, he was a little too harsh for her. Jeter - too ordinary. Valderrama - kind of second-hand, sort of scratchy, not really a great color. Reynolds - ooh, Jessica would look really good with Ryan Reynolds on her. He's totally hot, and for once Jessica would actually be the feminine one in the couple. I think we have a winner folks!

Kristin Cavallari Toys With Brody Jenner's Heart

I still don't know why Kristin Cavallari is famous, but stories about her pop up from time-to-time so I feel obligated to report them. The one in this morning's Page 6 has Cavallari enjoying herself over the New Year's holiday in Miami with boyfriend Nick Zano (a person I hadn't heard of until actually reading this story), then putting ex-boyfriend Brody Jenner in something of a ball-squeezing situation by sitting at the table next to him at trendy Miami eatery Nobu.

Oh my God, that Kristin is such a bitch!

By the way, the story also says Wilmer Valderrama and his girlfriend Mandy Moore were at the table with Jenner. Am I the only one who thinks that's a bit of an odd couple, Valderrama and Moore? I mean, I thought Moore was some kind of Mormon or Quaker or something. So what's she doing going around with a complete unadulterated dirtbag like Valderrama? Shouldn't she be dating someone wholesome like Brandon Routh? Maybe Mandy's one of those alleged goody-goody chicks who, underneath, enjoys being treated like a doormat. You know, the kind who pretend to be all upstanding, but on weekends they're getting decked out in S&M gear and strapping themselves into bizarre contraptions normally used to torture prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Yeah. That Mandy, she likes the feel of leather and steel, and giant electrified dildos being inserted into her various orifices. Wouldn't surprise me to see pictures one of these days of Mandy going down on a donkey.

What Are Wilmer Valderrama's Intentions Toward Ali Lohan?

Well-known sex addict Wilmer Valderrama is photographed here with Lindsay Lohan's thirteen-year-old sister Ali. I don't mean to start any rumors or anything, but...

What the hell is Wilmer Valderrama doing with Ali Lohan?!

Saturday Pic Post

Ashlee Simpson version 2.0 and Lindsay Lohan exchange paparazzi horror stories at the Genetic Denim 1st Anniversary Bash. Lindsay would look like an old blues man here if not for the off-the-shoulder Flashdance thing. And Ashlee - wearing a Doors t-shirt does not make people think you're cool.

Wilmer Valderrama and Kristin Cavallari snuggle for the cameras at the Hollywood premiere of Fast Food Nation. Wow, Cavallari has actually accomplished something - she got fucked by Wilmer Valderrama.

Come to think of it, that's not much of an accomplishment, is it? Considering the fact that every waitress and flight attendant in the Western hemisphere has already beaten her to it.

Sarah Jessica Parker is a freak. Just thought I'd point that out.

The Night Lindsay Lohan Almost Died

Camera-crazy starlet Lindsay Lohan, whose medical problems have often made the news in recent months, is revealing shocking details about the night in 2004 when she thought she was going to die from a combination of bulimia and drugs.

The horrifying episode took place at the home of her former boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama. Says Lindsay, "I lay there screaming, throwing things, because the pains were so intense in my head and my liver. In the end I didn't even have the strength to take a shower. ... I ended up in hospital. My liver was swollen and I had a kidney infection and my white blood cells were accelerated. I was really, really white, like a ghost, and my legs were so numb from not walking. ... It was terrifying. But going through shit makes me that much stronger."

And what has Lindsay learned from her sobering experience (besides the fact that hanging around with Wilmer Valderrama isn't good for you)?

"Sometimes being that thin doesn't look healthy," says an older, wiser Lohan. "I kind of didn't realise that. One time when someone asked me if I was OK I just started bawling. I knew I had a problem and just could not admit it. My arms were disgusting. I had no arms. I had people sit me down and say, 'You're going to die if you don't take care of yourself'."

I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope Lindsay has really learned something and isn't just talking shit. I mean, the last thing in the world we want is for Lindsay to die or wind up in a coma or something. That would be terrible. Because, without Lindsay, what the hell would we have to talk about?