Lindsay Lohan is Diabolically Clever

Page 6 reports on Lindsay Lohan's "devious plan" to enrage her ex-boyfriend Harry Morton, and simultaneously tweak her arch-nemesis in craven hussidom, Paris Hilton.

The scheme involved Lohan recruiting Paris's old squeeze Stavros Niarchos to canoodle her in public, then be seen driving to her suite at the Chateau Marmont. This was meant to send Morton, who allegedly dumped Lohan for being "too much drama", into a tail-spin of jealousy, while at the same time aggravating Hilton, who has become well-known for tormenting Lohan.

Wow. Lindsay is damn conniving. I wonder where she gets it from...




Oh yeah.

By the way, Paris Hilton has come up with her own scheme for getting back at Lindsay. She plans on waiting outside Lindsay's building for her to come out, then crapping in her hand and flinging it at her.

It's Official - Becks and Posh Are World-Class Assholes

A man who paid 100,000 pounds for the privilege of hanging with soccer-star David Beckham and his varmint of a wife Posh Spice is suing the cloddish couple for snubbing him. The expensive hob-nobbing session, purchased by nightclub owner Dave West at a celebrity auction benefiting the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, was to take place at the Beckhams' swanky World Cup party in May, but according to West the Beckhams' staff treated him so rudely that he decided not to attend, and he is now seeking compensation in the form of another 100,000 pound donation by the Beckhams to the NSPCC. The predictable response from the Beckhams' reps: their lawyers are dealing with it.

I had my own run-in with the Beckhams once. It happened when I was over in England for some kind of Bob Geldof thing, you know, save Africa or one of those other crappy continents (my friend Virgil talked me into it; he said Barbra would be there but of course Barbra wasn't there...well, that's a story for another day). Anyway, I'm hanging out in the lobby of this big smelly hotel when all of a sudden there's this huge whoosh of air, and this really pungent crotchy sort of odor, and everybody looks up and says, "Oh my God. It's Posh and Becks." And here comes this scrawny bitch in a cheap dress with her unnaturally huge titties just hanging out all over the place, and this other outrageously handsome guy with these chiseled features and a body from fricking Olympus, and I'm thinking to myself, "God. What a waste," and all of a sudden I make eye-contact with Becks, and I'm telling you, that man wanted to have me right then and there. And I think Posh could sense it too, cause she gave me this look; I swear, if I were a straight man, it would've turned my 'nads to ice. That is one scary woman.

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Scarlett Johansson v. Andrew Lloyd Webber

It's official - Scarlett Johansson and Andrew Lloyd Webber are feuding. Round one between the buxom starlet and the musical-theater god took place several months ago, when Webber accused Johansson of backing out of his West End production of The Sound of Music because her handlers were unimpressed with the money being offered. Now Johansson has kicked off round two by firing a left-hook right at Webber's jaw (don't you just love my pugilistic metaphors?), claiming she couldn't have backed out of the production because she never agreed to do it in the first place, and going on to accuse Webber of throwing her name around for the sole purpose of promoting his new competition show, How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?, which will give a group of unknowns a chance to win the role Johansson herself turned down. Cattiness.

I stand second-to-none in my love for Andrew Lloyd Webber (Cats is better than anything that old drunk Shakespeare ever dreamed up in my humble opinion), but I have to admit, Scarlett Johansson is starting to win me over to her side in this. It does begin to look like Webber brought Scarlett's name into the whole thing just to help him sell his show. Gosh, I hope Scarlett doesn't do anything rash like sic Josh Hartnett on Webber. Or even worse, what if Scarlett herself went after him? That chick seems a little psycho to me; she'd be liable to stick Webber with a pen-knife or something. Damn.

(source)

Aniston's Publicist Goes Bitch-Ass On Today Show

Jennifer Aniston's publicist is no one to screw around with, as NBC's Today show has now discovered.

The whole sordid affair began because of an US Weekly "exclusive" about Vince Vaughn's proposal to Aniston; Stephen Huvane, Aniston's publicist, went on a denial binge over the story, but this didn't stop the Today show from running with it, even going so far as to interview US's editor Janice Min on the air. Bad move for the Today show. Because Stephen Huvane, his underwear in a bunch, is now threatening to boycott the program. And Huvane represents people like Gwyneth Paltrow, Demi Moore and Kirsten Dunst, people the Today show might want to have on their program in the foreseeable future.

Here's what the Today show doesn't seem to understand. A good publicist is more than just the person who releases statements for you when you get caught driving drunk then spouting anti-Semitic epithets - a good publicist is like a mother, protective to the point of psychosis. So when somebody messes with one of Stephen Huvane's clients...have any of you ever seen the Sally Field movie Eye for an Eye? Yeah. That's how people like Stephen Huvane roll when you mess with their babies (unless of course said babies decide to sign with another agency, then it's like they never existed). So the lesson for people like the Today show producers is this: check with people before you do stories on them. Don't go reporting stuff until you've called the publicist and found out exactly what you're supposed to say. Programs like the Today show aren't about independent journalism, they're about selling crap. And since celebs are the biggest commodity in the world today - well, it just doesn't pay to tick off their publicists does it? Especially not the catty ones.

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