The Mad-Dog's New Style

Maddox is sporting a new style lately. Basically, he no longer looks like a kid, but a little miniature dude, complete with mustache. How is a 7-year-old growing a mustache? I know Asians are sometimes freaky that way but, dang man, he must've been exposed to radiation or some Sasquatch genes.

Her Favorite

Not sure why, but I always get the impression that Maddox is Angie's favorite. Of course we know she hates the blob. She probably hates the twins because they are also blobs, though she has been careful not to call them that. Zahara is basically Brad's. And Pax...he's just along for the ride.

When Angie dies, Maddox will get everything. The black wardrobe. The whips and handcuffs. The knives. All of it. And James Haven will be devastated.

There's No Love Like Brad's Love

Angie opened her big yap for Australia's Herald Sun and this nugget came flopping out, concerning Brad's love for the new twins:

He’s just so happy and having twins is something neither of us ever expected and I think that makes it all the more special for us both. When I see how much love is in Brad’s eyes for the twins and for all our children — it’s a very moving experience for me. I never wanted to become pregnant and have children that way unless I had come to know Brad and see how loving he was with Maddox and Pax. So that was a big step for me.

It's a stab at Jon Voight. "I never wanted to become pregnant and have children that way unless I had come to know Brad and see how loving he was with Maddox and Pax." Yes, Angie has witnessed the horrors of an unloving father. Now she doesn't have to worry about her kids being deprived of affection and proper cars for showing off to the other kids in high school. Angie's terrible childhood conditioned her to understand the suffering of all those poor people out there in all those icky countries with "stan" at the ends of their names. That fucker Voight probably wouldn't even give her a credit card of her own! So of course she knows what it's like for people who eat a handful of maggoty rice once a month, drink water from rivers full of rotting corpses and have to sell their newborn daughters to Gary Glitter just to go on living. She cares! Have you gotten the message yet?

A Tragedy Waiting to Happen

Angelina Jolie reveals in her big W magazine feature that she's already begun sharing her love of murderous weapons with her children. "My mom took me to buy my first daggers when I was 11 or 12," the crazy bitch says. "And I’ve already bought Maddox some things. We take him to a special shop." Some things? Like what? Machetes? Will he be hacking his way through a lot of underbrush in the near future? Oh yeah - it'll be really hysterical when Shiloh comes running to you waving her severed arm around. "Maddox macheted me again mommy!" What you gonna do? Sew the thing on yourself and send her back out? "Stop being such a pansy Shiloh." Christ on a tricycle, this is one fucked-up woman. Even Shitney wouldn't be so irresponsible as to give her kids knives to play with. Drugs, sure, and cigarettes and booze bottles. But knives?

Grab Ass

Woah, check out Maddox reaching for a little feel of that bony projection Angie calls a butt. He just recently learned what "adopted" really means. Yeah kid - technically, you can tap that all you want. Just bump off the big doofus in the hat and go to town.

Gay Skunk Tail

Maddox wants his hair looking like that? Sure he does.

Brad Pax Maddox

The Venice Film Festival is about to start I guess - or maybe already has started, how the hell should I know. Anyway Brad is there with Maddox and Pax. Brad has that new Coen Brothers movie coming out, Burn After Reading, where he plays a hapless guy who flails his limbs around a lot. The only thing worse than Brad serious is Brad wacky. Remember 12 Monkeys? He got an Oscar nomination for that - cause he went cross-eyed and flipped everyone the bird for 2 hours. A kid with Down Syndrome could've given the exact same performance. But the Academy loves it when pretty people play ugly or dirty or crazy. They call this "playing against type." Even though the pretty people are all ugly, dirty maniacs underneath.

Maddox is 7

Lost in the furor over Angie and Brad's new twins was the fact that Maddox turned 7 yesterday. Maddox better face it...he's yesterday's news. The twins are where it's at now. He's just another Asian kid with hair like a predatory homosexual skateboarder.

First Picture of One of the Twins?

Someone got some snaps of Brad, Angie and the kids relaxing post-birth. We see Angelina holding what appears to be a baby. The awkwardness of her grasp leads one to believe that is not one of her newborn twins. One of Shiloh's ugly white dolls? Some other random kid she picked up and decided to tote around like a sack of potatoes?



Brad's parents are in this pic as well. Maddox appears to have the blonde mohawk thing going. I feel like a peeping tom for looking at this.

Brad is Trying to Kill Maddox

Brad is reportedly teaching Maddox how to do jumps on a little a pint-sized motorcycle. This has Angie in a state of nervous anxiety.

"When I watch them having real strong father/son time or even when Mad tells me, 'This is a boy thing, Mum!', it's just really beautiful to see," Angie said.

"Brad's got him doing jumps on his mini-motorcycle, and I couldn't do that without being so nervous I'd pass out.

"Brad is a great teacher, but the first time Mad went on the motorcycle, I could hardly watch."

Clearly, Brad is trying to kill Maddox. Not consciously maybe...but still, he wants Maddox dead. And when he's done with the first Asian he'll move on to Pax and then Zahara. And then there will only be the blobs and Angelina and him...the way he secretly wants it.

Angelina Jolie Endangers Her Kids By Keeping Guns in the House

Angelina Jolie has revealed in an interview that she keeps guns in her house, and is prepared to waste anyone who threatens her or her kids.

"If anybody comes into my home and tries to hurt my kids, I've no problem shooting them," Jolie said.

"I bought original, real guns of the type we used in Tomb Raider for security. Brad and I are not against having a gun in the house, and we do have one. And yes, I'd be able to use it if I had to. I could handle myself. I think there are certain combat skills that would come out. I tend to want to throw an elbow. I don't know why. I've learned all the punches, head butts and kicks – yet getting someone with my elbow is my first instinct.

"I think it's good for anybody to learn a skill when it comes to fight training – be it kung fu, boxing or kick-boxing – because self-defence is important. Brad and I want our kids to learn it. They're going to get into a fight some day, so they might as well learn how to take care of themselves.

"I was kind of a punk when I was a kid, but I didn't get picked on.

"I was left alone because I was a bit of a loner. I would get into fights on behalf of other people. I wasn't a pushover. So I wasn't the one who was targeted.

"There's a side to me that people know is humanitarian, and there's a side to me that's a mummy. But there's also the side that likes to get down and dirty and run and jump around and fire guns. I don't want to lose touch with that.

"That's one of the reasons I like to do action movies. It's good for me every once in a while."

Sure Angie, it's all fun and games...until little Maddox gets hold of some of your weapons and goes all Tet Offensive on Shiloh or the Twins to Be Named Later.

Jesus, what an insufferable twat. Bragging about how tough she is and how she was a punk loner as a kid who used to "fight on behalf of other people." You're such a defender of the downtrodden Angie...I don't know how others can even be in your presence without immediately being reduced to tears at your righteousness.

Then again, maybe this is all good. Makes it easier when the brood finally gets fed up with her shit and decides to turn on her. Yeah, poetic justice...Angie knocked off by her own slave-kids with her own guns.

Brad and Angie Go Boating (With Pax and Maddox)

The French adventure continues for Brad, Angelina and the Rainbow Brood. Here Pax and Maddox are treated to a boat ride. Maddox looks like he's about to hurl. And Angie's pregnant but she's not wearing a life-jacket! Weeooweeooweeooo! Unborn child endangerment alert! Somebody call unborn child services! Angelina is putting her unborn blob at risk! Weeooweeooweoo!!!!

James Haven to Meet With Senators

Angelina's freaky brother James Haven is also on the save-the-world kick.

Today, the child molesterish James will meet with Senators Dick Lugar, Barbara Boxer and others about the problems of AIDS and malaria in Africa.

If James wants to stop AIDS in Africa, he should stop fucking Africans.

Okay, that was bad. Anyway...since James is in Washington doing good deeds, Angelina has to be there too. Angie was actually spotted in town yesterday, with Maddox and Pax, at the Air and Space Museum.

I wonder if Angie and James were able to make time for themselves. You know, put the kids to sleep, head into the bedroom for a little hanky-panky...

I just made myself barf.

Maddox Gets to Name the Kid

A series of contentions by OK! Magazine concerning Angelina Jolie's unborn child:

• She'll give birth in Texas!
• He'll be changing the diapers!
• Maddox will pick the name!
• Why Shiloh won't be jealous!

She'll give birth in Texas because Brad is down there shooting a movie. Reportedly, they've moved onto a 270-acre ranch. Residents saw two semis bringing in shit.

My favorite is Maddox will pick the name. I'm sure Jolie's kid will be thrilled to go through life being called "Poophead Spongebob Picklebottom Jolie-Pitt."

And of course Shiloh won't be jealous. The medication will take care of that.

Angelina Buys Maddox I Heart Penis Gum

Angie and Maddox just got done going to see The Spiderwick Chronicles. They went into a gift shop and Maddox saw some gum he wanted. Angie read the label - the gum was called "I Heart Penis." She thought this was funny and bought Maddox the gum.

Question: What does I Heart Penis gum taste like?

Question: Why is there even such a thing as I Heart Penis gum?

Question: Is Maddox now gay?

Question: Would Angelina love Maddox more if he were gay?

Question: Where do I get some I Heart Penis gum?

Angelina Takes Maddox To See The Spiderwick Chronicles

Haven't posted on Angelina and the brood for awhile. Here we see Angie taking Maddox out to see The Spiderwick Chronicles. Maddox thinks he's hot-shit cause he's the only one who gets to see that movie with mom. Pax has to sit home with stupid Shiloh and Zahara getting read stories by Brad.

Now I'm gonna say something nice about Angie, so all you crazy Femalefirst Angie-haters and the rest of you might want to avert your eyes...

Here goes:

Angie seems to enjoy taking the kids out to do normal stuff. Do we ever see pics of Madonna taking her kids to movies? When's the last time we saw Tom and Katie taking Tom's older kids someplace fun? Angie and Brad are always taking theirs to Chuck E. Cheeses and places like that. They take their kids to crappy movies and let them eat junk food just like normal people.

That being said...Angelina is still a hideous monster who's sucking Brad's soul from his body; and she's a horrible validation-junkie who's delusional if she thinks her idiot roaming all over the world is going to change anything.

Angelina Pregnant With Twins

Numerous dubious sources are reporting that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. Star Magazine says Angie found out about the pregnancy in the last week, and hastily canceled a planned trip to Europe. Then X17 "confirmed" the story with their "inside source" (cough James Haven cough).

"Brad and Angelina are absolutely ecstatic," a source told Star. "But I still think there will be more adoptions to come."

More adoptions. Really? Wow, you must be the new fucking Jeane Dixon with shit like that.

So Angelina's pregnant with two blobs instead of one. What does that do for the balance I wonder? Does one of the blobs count as a companion for Shiloh, meaning a fourth blob will have to be created as a companion for the one new blob who's alone? Or do the twins automatically become companions for each other meaning Shiloh will have to wait for hers (which seems sort of unfair)? Or does each of the twins need their own companion, meaning Angie will have to pump out three more kids to keep the cosmos in equilibrium? Oh, and what about poor Zahara? My head is spinning. Not as much as Brad's though. That boy's gonna be doing some serious drinking. Six fucking kids?

I wonder if Brad will try to make Angelina give one of them back. "We never really liked Maddox that much." Maybe they'll drive him out in the woods and tie him to a tree. But what if he survives, and grows up to one day take his revenge with the help of all the forest creatures he befriended? Old man Brad goes out to get his paper and there's a beaver pointing a Glock at his face. "Prepare to meet your maker bitch." That would be awesome.

(source)

Zahara Can Walk

Apparently Zahara can walk after all.

Angie Still Hates Shiloh

Angelina Jolie obviously learned nothing from the infamous "blob" interview, cause she's still going around saying inexplicable, silly things about her bio-kid Shiloh.

Angie's latest outrage against her genuine white spawn was perpetrated during a talk with Look Magazine, when the dim-witted humanitarian said:

[Shiloh] looks like Brad. It’s funny because she’s almost going to be the outcast in the family because she’s blonde and blue-eyed.

I felt so much more for Madd, Zahara and Pax because they were survivors.

Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born.

But I’m conscious that I have to make sure I don’t ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable.

A question for Angie: By your logic, shouldn't Zahara also be an outcast in the family, since she's the only black one? Or is the distinction not between white, Asian and African, but between white and non-white? White equaling privileged and non-vulnerable, and non-white equaling victimized and underprivileged and therefore more deserving of nurturing and love.

And what does it say about you Angie that you have to remind yourself to take care of Shiloh's needs? And how exactly does that work anyway? You wake up in the morning, walk out into the kitchen, go to get your orange juice from the fridge and...oh dear, what does this post-it say? "You have a daughter named Shiloh. She is locked in a pet-carrier in the gardener's shed. Don't forget to feed her sometime this week." Oh yeah, you'll teach that little blob all about being vulnerable, won't you Angie?

Shiloh, I daresay, is destined to hate Angelina as much as Angie hates her own father Jon Voight, whom she clearly blames for whatever bad stuff she thinks happened to her when she was a kid. That's the way these things always work, isn't it? Patterns of neglect. Voight made Angie feel worthless by not loving her enough, so now she's doing the same thing - and she's got the rationalizations down too. She says it's about Shiloh being too privileged and not vulnerable enough, but it's really all about her projecting a bunch of bullshit onto the kid. Her belief that only victims are truly worthy of love, which is like her brother James Haven's nonsense about feeling bad for widows. The irony of course is that Shiloh is a victim now too - Angie has made her one. Later in life Shiloh will suffer the same feelings of neglect and worthlessness, cause she has a mother who has better things to do than pay attention to her, just as Voight had better things to do than pay attention to poor miserable Angie and James.

And what if everything I just said is only bullshit, and Angie really is a loving mother? There's still no reason for her to keep saying the stuff she says. It makes people mad - a fact that Angie is apparently oblivious to. I suppose in her little world she never makes a mistake anyway though. She cares about the poor and the starving, so anything else she says or does is excusable. That's how people like Angie always think. They believe that, the more they display their beneficence, the more the world should allow them to get away with other stuff. And what the hell - even if Angie does fuck up, she never has to hear any questions about it, cause she'll just tell her people to screen out any press folks who might bring up anything negative. People like Angie think they should have laurels heaped upon them, but never have to answer for their mess-ups. It's a little like being a member of the Bush Administration, except I think George Bush and his cronies actually love their kids.

(source)

Angie And Brad Disrupt School; Maddox Going Nuts

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have enrolled their adopted son Maddox in the prestigious Lycee Francais de New York, a hoity-toity school where everyone sits around listening to Thelonious Monk, smoking Gauloises and discussing nihilism. All fine and good for Brad, Angie and the probably already insufferably snotty and anti-American Maddox - not so great for the parents of the other spoiled little future socialist dickheads, who have to put up with all the paparazzi fuss not to mention the idiot fans. To head off any furor, the head of la Lycee, Dan Cooke, has sent out a letter to parents spelling out how the situation will be dealt with. The letter reads in part:

I’m sure you are aware the school has received much media attention recently during the arrival and dismissal times because of the presence of celebrities Ms. Angelina Jolie and/or Mr. Brad Pitt. I want to make you aware that before the first day of school I met with their security team to discuss the best manner in which for them to drop off and pick up their son. Our foremost goal was to cause the least amount of disruption to the school and to ensure the security of all of our students and families.

The letter then explains how Angie and Brad have worked out a schedule of "staggered" pick-up times, hoping this will minimize the disruption. Cooke then addresses the matter of overzealous Brad and Angie fans - some of whom have kids enrolled at the school themselves:

Regretfully, I have seen some parents taking pictures, asking for autographs, talking to the media and even shouting at Ms. Jolie and Mr. Pitt for recognition. Therefore, in the best interests of the school and safety of your child(ren) I must ask for everyone to please respect the family’s privacy and discontinue these practices.

My question is, why couldn't Brad and Angie just hire tutors for Maddox and teach him at home? It all seems kind of silly to me - especially considering how short a period they all tend to stay in one place to begin with. What good does it do enrolling a kid in school if you're constantly going to be yanking him out to jet off to New Orleans and L.A. and God knows where else? It seems Brad and Angie just like the idea of having a kid in this high-falutin school. It's a status thing. It doesn't matter to them that their very presence is making life difficult for everyone else.

The other issue at hand is poor little Maddox, who is beginning to show the effects of the crazy lifestyle his mommy and daddy are forcing him to live. A source says that, recently, the kids at the Lycee were asked to bring in a picture of themselves - which caused Maddox to basically flip out:

He was terrified. He refused. He started crying. Obviously the poor kid has grown up in fear of having his picture taken.

Okay, that's a little sad. But he'll just have to buck up and learn to live with it won't he? As long as Angie thinks there's positive publicity to wring out of him and the other kiddies, she's going to keep dragging them out everywhere.

(source)