Britney + Howie Day = Hot Steamy Sex

Britney Spears has spent the months since her break-up with Kevin Federline trying on different men for size, but now she seems to have settled on one that fits - musician Howie Day.

Howie, you recall, originally caught Brit's eye (or whatever) in rehab, where they hooked up for a little naughty behind-the-bushes action. But after Brit got out of rehab, and started spending all her time with the paps, their relationship seemed to fizzle. Now, US Magazine reports that the pair is getting hot-and-heavy again. Said a source:

Britney really likes him. He gets her.

Yes, Howie Day has plumbed the depths of Britney - he understands her complexities (don't laugh). But who exactly is this Howie Day person? Is he a great catch for Brit? Howie's uncle Malcolm Hardy seems to think so:

[Howie's] a good person. I hope together they’ll do some wonderful things for this world.

And what wonderful things can we expect Howie Day and Britney Spears to do for the world? Based on their prior activities, we can probably look forward to a lot of snap auto-detailing with an umbrella, and impulsive hair-butchery. And from Howie's side, more incidents like the one in 2004 where he became angry at a female fan who refused to have sex with him and locked the woman in a bathroom, then broke the cell phone of another woman who was trying to call the police. Yup - Howie and Britney. They're the new John and Yoko for sure.

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Kathy Griffin Will Do Anything For Attention

Kathy Griffin, aka the Unfunniest Person On Earth Not Named Pauly Shore, falls down while attempting to get off a bus in a London parking lot. Right, that was an accident. She didn't see the camera there and figure a pratfall would get her some play on TMZ. Sure. And why the hell am I participating in this silly scheme of hers again? Oh right, because it gives me another chance to point out what a festering boil Kathy Griffin is. Fifteen Perez Hiltons do not equal one Kathy Griffin for making my gorge rise and my bowels tighten. The only sad thing about the falling story is that the bus didn't then tip over on top of the bitch.

Heather Mills Shocks World, Turns Down Opportunity For Shameless Self-Promotion

Heather Mills's appearance on Dancing With the Stars may have won her new fans, but that doesn't mean you'll be seeing the one-legged slut on any other reality shows in the near future. And that includes Celebrity Big Brother, the British show made infamous thanks to Jade Goody's racially-charged taunting of Indian lass Shilpa Shetty this past season. Mills says that, despite interest from producers, she is not appearing on Big Brother - and furthermore, Mills's agent says that Heather is upset by the stories that have gotten around about her already agreeing to be on the show:

People have been wishing her luck on Celebrity Big Brother when she is out with her daughter and she feels it's unfair the public have been misled. She is hoping this will end the speculation.

Now we know how profoundly delusional Heather Mills really is. She thinks people are coming up to her on the street to wish her luck on Big Brother - no they're not, Heather. They're cursing you out. They're calling you Long Jean Gold-digger and Stumpy the Hopping Harlot and Pogo-girl and all sorts of other stuff. You're only hearing them talk about Big Brother, because this is all your warped mind will allow you to acknowledge. You truly have no idea how reviled you are.

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Britney Makes Silly Faces

"Um, yes, I'll have the bacon-double-cheeseburger combo meal with Sierra Mist please. Actually make that two. And could you super-size those for me please? And oh, I'd like curly-fries with that. And do you guys serve those little french toast strips for lunch? You don't? Okay, then I'll have a 12-piece chicken strip meal also. And oh, do you want anything hon?"




"How can you say the Johnson administration was justified in fabricating the Gulf of Tonkin incident as a pretext to escalate the war? I don't give a damn about the Domino theory. That was dreamed up by a bunch of professors who were high on weed. The fact is that Johnson and McNamara were war-criminals and should've been prosecuted as such. And McNamara basically admitted that when he cut his speech so short at his Medal of Freedom ceremony. But that bastard Johnson was too busy skinny-dipping to care about all the babies he was killing anyway. Oh, and what about Agent Orange? I mean, hello..."



"These fuckers cost me thousands. Get a good picture boys. Yup. Nothing sticks to these sonabitches."

More Beyonce Fabulousness

Beyonce performs in Frankfurt, Germany. I ask you - is there anything in this world funnier than a nincompoop who has become utterly convinced that they're the shit?




Oh Beyonce - your moves. They haunt my soul with their retardedness. Actually, aren't you just adjusting your wig there? Kind of goes sideways on you sometimes, doesn't it? Better epoxy that thing down, otherwise Crabbie will be posting a picture of your bald ass running off the stage crying.




"I am Beyonce, the most magical performer of all-time. Worship my fabulousness. And my ass. Don't forget the ass. Which Jennifer Hudson can kiss for all I care."

Kiki Round-Up

I'm glad Spider-Man 3 is finally about ready to come out, because I don't think I can stand much more of Kiki Dunst. Here she is at last night's big New York premiere of the superhero epic. A little preview of how she's going to look when she plays Debbie Harry perhaps?



How much cash would it take to get one of those kids in the marching band back there to stab Kiki through the kidney with their spiked helmet?

And here's the look Kiki was sporting earlier in the day when she arrived for a taping of Letterman:



So maybe after Debbie Harry she's going to be playing another '70s female rock icon - Patti Smith. She'll have to dye her hair brown and not wash it for twenty years.

And then there's this - Kiki's pithy observations about the religious undertones of Spider-Man, and superhero movies in general:

This movie is about good and evil. Also religion plays a big part in comics to me and Spider-Man, including our visuals, like James [Franco] laying, with the sun rising at the end like a sacrificed lamb or Tobey [Maguire] in the second one being over the people in the tram like he’s Jesus.

Whatever you say, honey.

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Boy George Amused By Kidnap Charges

Boy George finds the kidnap and assault charges leveled against him completely laughable.

Male escort Auden Carlsen has accused George of luring him to a London flat under false pretenses, then chaining him to a wall and threatening to do him bodily harm. However, says George's brother Kevin, Mr. Carlsen is not even close to credible:

The bloke [Carlsen] has done a fair bit of modelling for our clothes shop, so how can what he said be true? George isn't at all annoyed at the allegations, in fact, he thinks it's hilarious. ... Yeah, he was arrested, but the police are always going to follow it up when someone makes a complaint like that.

Okay, so George probably didn't do what this Carlsen clown alleges - fine. But don't try to tell me George isn't annoyed, because George spends his entire life annoyed, and a thing like this is bound to ratchet the annoyance up at least three or four more notches. In fact, I think there's a good chance George will now do something genuinely criminal, just because he's so torqued off. Hopefully, whatever he does will lead to a shoot-out, and there will be video of George's bullet-riddled corpse for us to enjoy.

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