Does He Think He's Funny?

I wonder, when Glenn Beck does these comedy bits, is he giggling because he thinks they're hysterical, or because he knows how horrible they are, and what a complete fraud he is? When oh when will the followers of Beck, Limbaugh, O'Reilly et al. realize that these fuckers are only in it for the cash, and don't really give a flying fuck about truth, justice, the American way or their own drooling minions?

By the way, David Letterman never made jokes about poisoning Sarah Palin. Just sayin'.

Kanye Puts Media On Notice

Kanye West wants everyone to know that he isn't fooling around anymore. If you are a member of the media and you get up in his face, he will possibly kill you.

"I'm sorry I broke your arm/I meant to break your camera," West freestyle rapped at a recent show, referring to some violent confrontations he's had with paps. Kanye then added, "I could kill a man/I am a man/Don't forget I could kill a man."

By this we have to assume that Kanye is armed, and basically ready to go on a rampage. If you have a camera, and should happen upon Kanye West, just back away slowly. And whatever you do don't take his picture. He doesn't like that.

Lady GaGa Is A Hermaphrodite. Explains Why Perez Likes Her So Much.

Fast-forward to the 1:14 mark of this video for a glimpse of Lady GaGa's penis. Discuss amongst yourselves.

He's On A Plane, Train Or Automobile To Heaven

John Hughes, the director responsible for most of our memories of the '80s, has kicked the bucket at 59. Not sure what was wrong with him, but whatever it was, it got him.

Reading Hughes' filmography is like reading the overnight schedule for the all-'80s movie channel of our dreams:

Uncle Buck
She's Having a Baby
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Weird Science
The Breakfast Club
Sixteen Candles

And that was just the shit he directed. He also produced such gems as Home Alone, Pretty in Pink, The Great Outdoors and Some Kind of Wonderful. Basically, if a movie was made in the '80s and starred either Molly Ringwald or John Candy, Hughes had something to do with it.

And he gave the world Anthony Michael Hall. Well shit man, he deserved to die just for that. Kidding.

Further Evidence That Humanity Deserves To Go Extinct

Little girl meets Kim Kardashian, cries like she just found out she was getting a new kidney. Okay, maybe all humanity doesn't need to die - just America.

She Look Okay To You?

Everyone keeps telling us that Mischa Barton is okay. But I don't think Mischa Barton is okay. I think Mischa Barton is heading for a flameout the likes of which we've not seen since Anna Nicole Smith. I think Mischa has climbed on the Crazy Train and doesn't want to get off. I think Mischa will be a corpse by this time next year.

Her One True Friend

Everyone dumps Jessica Simpson - except Ken Paves. Ken's got to sexy her up again so she can go land herself another hunk...who will quickly realize that tits ain't everything.

"How come you don't like my vagina Ken? You'd be my perfect boyfriend. We could dress each other up like dolls and eat Chunky Monkey all night long until we pass out. Maybe I could buy a nice strap-on. I promise I won't talk too much. They all say I talk too much."