K-Ho

Kim Kardashian is trying to turn herself into Jennifer Lopez. Unfortunately, there's more to J-Lo than just the ass. Believe it or not, Lopez actually possesses a modicum of talent. She doesn't really use it for anything nowadays, but anyone who saw Blood & Wine or Out of Sight knows it's there.

I guess being a no-talent knock-off of J-Lo is enough for Kim. Otherwise she'd at least take singing and acting lessons. But why bother when you can get by as a reality TV/sex tape whore? The standards for fame keep dropping.

Further Evidence That Humanity Deserves To Go Extinct

Little girl meets Kim Kardashian, cries like she just found out she was getting a new kidney. Okay, maybe all humanity doesn't need to die - just America.

The Caboose Is Loose

Kim Kardashian no longer has that Reggie Bush guy to stroke her gigantic ass. Yeah, she's single. Young, rich, black men: On your mark, get set, grab the ho!!!

He Can't Be That Dumb, Can He?

A former John Edwards aide is pitching a book proposal in which he alleges, among other things, that Edwards made a sex tape with his mistress and baby mama Rielle Hunter.

The aide, Andrew Young, also reveals that he was lying when he himself made a statement last year claiming credit for knocking up Ms. Hunter. Young says he was so devoted to Edwards that, not only did he pretend he was the one who'd had the affair with Hunter, he willingly allowed Hunter to move in with him and his own wife and kids to hide Hunter's pregnancy from the media.

Young says he discovered the sex tape after Hunter moved out, and he and his own family moved to a new house. Young also claims that Hunter discussed her and Edwards' plans for marriage in the event Edwards' cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth did them the favor of kicking off.

Just when you thought John Edwards couldn't slide any farther down the slimeball scale...a sex tape. Actually, that's not slimeball scale, that's idiot scale. Unless you're a no-talent media whore like Kim Kardashian, there is no earthly reason for you to be making a sex tape. What, were John and Rielle planning on whipping the thing out after Elizabeth passed and they got hitched, so they could remember the good old days when he betrayed his cancer-ridden wife and ruined his political career? Make some popcorn baby, I wanna watch the sex that completely fucked up my life.

This guy isn't even worthy of being a New York politician, that's how fucking low he is.

No Jail For Chris Brown

Chris Brown has agreed to a plea deal and will not see any jail time for beating Rihanna's face to a pulp in a well-publicized incident from a couple of months ago. Brown will have to complete 1440 hours worth of work duty, which will include cleaning up litter from the side of the road and washing fire trucks. He will also get 5 years enforced probation and will have to seek counseling for domestic abuse issues. Oh, and he has to stay 50 yards away from Rihanna, except at public events where he will be allowed within 5 yards of her. I guess that means they won't be fucking anymore, unless his dick is 50 yards long, which I'm guessing it isn't, or Kim Kardashian would already have run off with him.

Leighton Meester Has A Sex Tape. Wonder How That Got Out...

Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester is about to separate herself from the generic starlet pack...by having a sex tape break on the internet. News of the tape has been circulating all morning; and now this disgusting site has stills that confirm the tape's existence. Congratulations Leighton Meester. You have now joined Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Pamela Anderson in the Shameless Skank Hall of Fame. You've come a long way since being born in the slammer.

New Look

I didn't realize this was Kim Kardashian right away. I thought it was some other Mediterranean-looking rich slut with nothing better to do than parade around all day shopping and sticking her ass in the air for the cameras. I hope she's keeping one eye out for Courtney Love who she accused of being a liar last week after Courtney accused her brother of beating up Brody Jenner's gay friend for no good reason. Courtney would beat this bitch down then scalp her. Fuck, I'd pay money to see that.

How Did Santa Know?

All Crabbie wanted for Christmas was a big flaming feud between Courtney Love and the Kardashian family - and Santa delivered! Actually, it was Courtney who delivered...a big giant sucker-punch to Kim Kardashian's brother Rob via her MySpace blog (the one she was going to stop writing because it upset her daughter so much). According to Courtney, Rob is a violent homophobe and the LAPD doesn't care about gays being beaten up outside clubs:

hi kids, if you are expecting Santa to read you a bedtime story on this new blog, think again! what i am about to direct is something many of you can relate to, and hopefully are disgusted by..which is the icky trend of straight heterosexual males who commit hate crimes that are secretly in the closet, yes, Rob Kardashian the son of the discgr3aceful Robert Kardashian who represented a cold blooded murderer and made lots and lots of money..well rob jr cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my GUY was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside hyde lounge closed, then right after yelling the words "FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT!" Rob JR punched my guys in the face. My guy has 3 witnesses who saw rob jump out of the SUV and because of the fact that he works for me, a woman of power, you broke his nose and caused blood to shed, well lets fast forward shall we...the guy who works for me did not file a police report that night cause he did not need tmz's camera's outside this trendy nightclub to cause any more FUCKERY to what was suppose to be a birthday celebration, instead he came back to LAPD later and they told him to fold up his police report into a origami and hang it on his door.

Of course you would expect the Kardashians to respond to such a vicious attack, and they didn't disappoint. Here's what Kim posted on her official website:

Courtney Love wrote a disturbing blog this morning that is obviously very untrue...

Ms. Love immaturely called my brother Rob names and accused him of physically assaulting her “employee” at Hyde nightclub, breaking his nose.

This is TOTALLY FALSE!

A lot of what she wrote doesn’t even make much sense and doesn’t follow a clear train of thought... At one point she says Brody was there too and that someone yelled discriminatory expletives against gay people, but I honestly can’t figure out who she is accusing because her writing is so bad.

All I know is that both Brody and Rob didn’t do anything close to what Ms. Love has described.

My entire family’s response is this: We are so saddened to hear that someone is blogging this insanity on Christmas Eve. Everything this person writes is obviously untrue and we will forward this terrible nonsense to our attorneys. Merry Christmas!

Kim is the daughter of famed O.J. attorney Robert Kardashian, but obviously, she didn't learn any tricks from her father, otherwise she would've thought up something a little meatier than the "I can write slightly more coherently than Courtney therefore I'm right and she's wrong" defense. She might as well have just said she was smarter because she has a bigger ass. I'm sure Courtney will have some deliciously incomprehensible response to Kim's response. By the way, I'm not necessarily on the side of the allegedly wronged gay Courtney Love employee here. Yes he was the apparent victim of a homophobic attack and that's wrong, but then again, he was hanging out with Brody Jenner, which makes it sort of difficult for me to sympathize with him. And by the way...does Brody have something he wants to tell us?

How Do You Make the Tyra Banks Show Even Lamer Than Usual?

Have Kim Kardashian and her retarded sisters on. Jesus, how tall is Tyra?

At Least Her Ass is Okay

Kim Kardashian was rushed to the hospital last night after putting her foot through a glass coffee table in her hotel room. The dumb bitch required stitches to close the gash and now her participation in the new season of Dancing With the Stars is in doubt. Why can't she dance now? If Heather Mills can do it with a wooden leg, Kardashian should be able to go out there with a little boo-boo on her tootsie. Clearly this bitch is not committed to dancing with the stars.

Someone needs to explain to Kimmy that a glass coffee table is not able to support very much weight and therefore should not be used as a stage for an impromptu strip tease. Cause you know that's what the dumb fuck was doing when all this happened.

The Dance of the Idiots

Carmen Electra used to be the skank all the beer-swilling apes drooled over but now it's Kim Kardashian. Here they are together, pretending to surf. Look out! It's Shia LaBeouf and he's on a bender! Ah, we can only dream...

Moakler Picks Another Fight

Shanna Moakler has made a career (if you can call it that) out of picking fights with people more famous than her. Remember when she punched Paris Hilton? Or did Paris punch her? I forget. Anyway, Shanna is up to her old tricks again...but she's moved on from Paris who has completely fallen off the gossip radar (unless your name is Perez Hilton). Shanna's new target? Fat-ass Kim Kardashian. Moakler, says Page 6, threw a drink on Kardashian at Carmen Electra's party in Malibu Sunday, and called Kim a "whore." All because Kim supposedly slept with Shanna's husband Travis Barker back when Kim was modeling for his clothing line.

The tattoos make it hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure Travis Barker is white...which automatically disqualifies him as a sex-partner for Ms. Kardashian, who is a well-known lover of brown meat. Shanna obviously didn't get the memo on that. She's been going around telling anyone who'll listen that Kardashian is a whore who fucked her man...including Kim's boyfriend Reggie Bush, who attempted to make peace between the two sluts at the party. Kardashian, who must be amused by the whole thing, got revenge on Shanna by wearing a Travis Barker-designed t-shirt the day after the event. That'll show her.

Kim Kardashian Pictures

Michael Lohan Creeps Out Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian recently got a first-hand taste of the craziness that is Michael Lohan.

Reggie and Kim were at a party in New York when the mouth-foamingly insane Michael reportedly approached them with a strange request.

"Michael went right up to Kim and Reggie and introduced himself," a witness said. "He asked them to look after Lindsay out in Los Angeles and keep a watchful eye on her.

"Kim and Reggie were very polite and patient with Michael, but were quite shocked by his request as it was the first time they had met him."

Reggie and Kim handled the situation well...they didn't make any sudden moves, didn't do anything that might agitate the lunatic.

Honestly, what planet is Michael living on right now? And even if you thought Kim might be willing to help you out, why the hell would you want her help? She's some paragon of responsibility?

Besides, why does Lindsay need anyone watching over her...I thought she was in a good place in her life and clean and sober and all that.

Oh wait, that's Dina's lie, not Michael's. My bad.

Paris Hilton Trash-Talks Kim Kardashian

I think it's safe to say that Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian really are no longer friends.

Paris at least seems fairly down on Kim. Yesterday morning the wonk-eyed whore called in to some asinine morning zoo radio show and, with a little prodding from the imbecile hosts, dissed Kim and her rhinoceros ass.

boomp3.com

That's about as witty as Paris gets. I can't wait for Kim's retort. "Yeah, well, Paris smells like poo. So there."

Barack Obama Asks: Are You a Typical White Person?

1. You talk in a high, screechy voice that gets even higher and screechier when you express your outrage over something Al Sharpton said.

2. You've seen Wedding Crashers more than once.

3. You've finished 708th in a marathon where places 1-707 were taken by Kenyans.

4. You're not in prison.

5. You don't find D.L. Hughley the least bit funny.

6. You thought Imus got screwed.

7. You've never had sex with Kim Kardashian.

8. You found Juno to be an uncannily accurate representation of everyday life.

9. You just don't get all the fuss over Tyler Perry.

10. Barack Obama makes you more than vaguely uncomfortable.

Tarantino Wants Britney And Kardashian

Quentin Tarantino is hot to do a re-make of '60s boob-fetishist fave Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! No biggie there - all Tarantino makes are homages to movies that sucked the first time. Here's the kicker though: Quentin is reportedly dying to cast Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian as two of his campy, big-bazoomed stars.

Oh Quentin, are you some kind of glutton for punishment? Casting Britney Spears in a movie? You really think she's gonna show up on time? Remember her lines? Not pass out every ten minutes?

And Kim Kardashian - yeah, that's what the world needs, someone to validate this useless whore even more. Why not fill out the cast with Lauren Conrad, Kristin Cavallari and Omarosa? Actually, I might be willing to see that movie - as long as it included some excruciating torture scenes. Omarosa stretched on a rack? Cavallari waterboarded? Conrad covered in fire-ants? This has potential.

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Happy Loser New Year

The losers all went out to their little loser New Year's parties. Kim Kardashian had a black man with her - shocking - while Avril Lavigne sported a Happy Meal tiara and her trademark "I hate all of you" smile.



Kevin Federline hosted some big deal at Tangerine in Vegas. God, I hope he didn't rap. How drunk do you have to be before Federline seems cool by the way?

Kim Kardashian Is A Liar As Well As A Cheap Whore

Kim Kardashian claimed the other day that she was robbed while being mobbed by fans at New York's JFK airport. Only problem - no one ever reported the alleged theft to the authorities, who now say the whole thing was nothing but a publicity stunt.

So Kim Kardashian lied about someone stealing $50,000 worth of stuff from her at the airport? I'm more amused by the part about her being "mobbed by fans." That was the whole reason for the lie about the theft - she wanted people to actually think she was molested by this adoring throng, and in the process one of them made off with her stuff. What a pitiful excuse for a human being. Honestly - the assholes from The Hills are even ashamed of this bitch.

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Terrence Howard Likes Fake Booty

Terrence Howard is getting busy with Kim Kardashian and her giant fake ass. Says Page 6:

A spy spotted the star of the new E! reality show, "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," arriving and "making out" with Howard at Tenjune and then Butter last week. "They were all over each other," snitched the onlooker. "She was sitting on his lap and he was rubbing her butt."

Terrence Howard must have an enormous lap. And enormous hands shaped like canoe-paddles. I also like the name of Kim's show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The problem with that is, when you finally catch up with Kim, you immediately bounce backward about ninety feet and have to pick yourself up and run after her again. Seriously - Kim Kardashian has a reality show? I thought after Brooke Hogan, Tori Spelling and Britney Gastineau they'd run out of useless skanks to build shows around - but I guess I was wrong.

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