Lindsay Lohan Looks Like an Old Bloated Hooker

Here's Lindsay at the opening of a Tommy Hilfiger store in Paris:


Isn't she a little young to look like such a wash-out?

Borat Premiere Pics

The stars turned out for last night's Hollywood premiere of the controversial comedy Borat.

I can't believe I just used the phrase "the stars turned out." My God, I'm turning into Mary Hart!

Somebody stop me before I start contorting my face psychotically!

Here are the damn pictures then (stolen from the L.A. Times website):


It's Borat himself, comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. You mean he still hasn't been assassinated by the Khazaks?



Is it just me, or is Ben Stiller morphing into an orangutan?


Wentworth Miller. Gray shirt. Dark spot on Crabbie's Froot-of-the-Looms.

Crap From Around the Celeblogosphere

Crabbie doesn't feel like writing today, so here are some links to other places:

Paris Hilton dancing it up. Perhaps stoned, perhaps not.

Snoop Dogg busted for smuggling a weapon into John Wayne Airport in Orange County. Honestly Snoop. Just cause it's called John Wayne airport...

John Spencer, the guy running against Hillary Clinton in New York, says Hillary used to be ugly as hell, then spent millions on plastic surgery and became...uh...a little better, I guess?

Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter confirms that he's going to be going nudie in his new play. Daniel's still a little young for the Crabster - but only by about six or seven days.

Did Heather Mills once steal the identity of a British print journalist also named Heather Mills? According to the journalist Heather Mills, yes. According to me, the one-legged McCartney-smearing Heather Mills needs to go away, and fast.

Anna Nicole Smith Behaves "Oddly" at Her Son's Funeral. Compared to How She Normally Behaves?

Reality-show train wreck Anna Nicole Smith is apparently going to need some industrial strength pharmaceuticals to get through the grieving period after her son Daniel's death.

According to Loretta Butler-Turner, the woman responsible for overseeing Daniel's memorial in the Bahamas on Thursday, Smith carried on like a crazy-person during the service, sobbing and wailing and lashing out at people, and then afterward, having spent 20 minutes by the side of the grave, turned to Butler-Turner and asked if she could take the deceased home and give him a warm bath.

Damn, that's too sad for even me to make fun of.

Nick Carter Calls Paris a Pothead. Paris Says, "Who Now?"

Paris Hilton's ex, newly-minted reality star Nick Carter, says that Paris is a pothead - such a huge pothead that when she goes on trips she crams her teddy bear full of the stuff and smuggles it onto airplanes.

"If she was going overseas she'd cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis," says the obviously bitter former Backstreet Boy. "She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences."

Well, why shouldn't a girl be able to have a puff when she wants one? All these damn prudish laws. A girl like Paris, she can't be dragged down just because other people are a lot of fuddy-duddies.

By the way Nicky, what's the deal with you also telling tales about Paris's lovemaking issues?

She relied heavily on drugs and drink to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform.

I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out.

It never occurred to you, did it Nicky, that maybe Paris was only pretending to be passed out so she wouldn't have to endure having sex with you. Because having sex with you was such a chore that she couldn't deal with it any longer. Because getting squirted in the face before the guy even gets it in isn't really that fun after awhile.

Great Moments in Gayness: Robbie Williams and Take That

Cute as a button.

Heather Now Claims Paul Used to Beat Linda. And Strangle Puppies. And Force Children to Eat Feces.

Heather Mills's allegations against Paul McCartney get more outrageous with each passing day.

First, Mills filed court papers saying McCartney stabbed her, pushed her over a table and shoved her into a bathtub. Next, Mills claimed to have taped evidence of violent altercations with McCartney. Now, Mills has taken it all the way - by alleging that McCartney also beat his first wife Linda.

"[Heather] told me that he did to Linda what he did to her," a friend of Mills's told the London Daily Mail. "She says that staff of Paul's told her that Linda had also suffered abuse."

Well, you can imagine how Paul's supporters feel about this - not happy. Says writer Carla Lane, a friend of the late Linda McCartney: "That's nonsense. I haven't said anything about Paul since all this blew up but I can't let that pass. I was very close to Linda and I know she would have confided in me if anything like that had happened. It's just not true."

And from Paul's former publicist Geoff Baker: "It's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. How long is it going to be before she falls into the sewer that she seems to be making her home? ... Everyone knows, and it goes without saying, that Paul and Linda had one of the happiest marriages in show-business. In my opinion, Heather Mills is now making a bid to become the vilest woman in Britain."

Is making a bid? I'd say she already got there.

Oh wait. Posh Spice still lives in Britain, right? OK, so she's second-vilest.