Congrats

David Gest finally found himself another love to replace Liza Minnelli. Way to go Dave! I knew you'd get yourself back on that horse again buddy.

Fey As Palin, Ferrell As Bush

Could've been funnier. They're going softer on Palin since she was on their show, no?

Mommy Scene

I have no idea which kid of Britney's that is. I lost track several months ago and frankly I don't care anymore. Whatever Britney's on now is working really well. The kid too.

Forget The Not-Gay Rumors

Not-gay rumors have been swirling around Lance Bass. Pictures like this will make those go away fast. (The chick is his dance partner on Dancing With the Losers Who Can't Get Work Anywhere Else Except Maybe a Rehab Show on VH1 or Perhaps a Holiday Inn Somewhere in Central Missouri.)

Creepy Doll Child

Tom and Katie wanted Suri to seem even more like a creepy doll child so they got her hair cut with cute little bangs. Aw, that's so...disturbing.

Look Out Miley

Selena Gomez is being altogether too complimentary of Miley Cyrus and her underwear-modeling boyfriend Justin Gaston. "I honestly think that she's adorable," said Selena at a recent event. "I think she's really sweet, and I think that he's really cute, too. I wish them all the luck." Translation: "I want to sit on Justin's dick and make him shoot his jizz in me like Old Faithful. Why is that hot steaming hunk of man fucking that snaggletoothed little bitch when he can have me, a little piece of Chiquita jailbait who makes all the older men moan with desire? Hmm?"

Hello Nutbags

This poor woman, a McCain supporter from Pittsburgh, got beaten up by a thug who proceeded to carve a "B" into her cheek with a knife. "Our thoughts and prayers are with the young woman for her to make a speedy recovery," said the Obama campaign in a statement, "and we hope that the person who perpetrated this crime is swiftly apprehended and brought to justice." Alec Baldwin is completely out of control man. Completely out of control.