Kirsten Dunst is reportedly distraught over news that Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon may be pondering marriage.
“Hearing that [Jake and Reese] are close to getting engaged is like a knife to her heart,” a friend of Dunst's told Star Magazine.
“Seeing photos of him out with her kids is just too much to handle. She always thought she and Jake would reunite, but now those dreams have faded.”
Faded like her career? Like her attention to her personal hygiene? Like the world's interest in her snaggletoothed assed?
Here's the deal Kiki - you may have been hot enough at one time to nab Jake Gyllenhaal, but a lot has happened since then. For one thing...have you looked at yourself lately? And for another thing...well, Marie Antoinette wasn't exactly a smash, was it? Then you have Reese: Okay, maybe she's no beauty-queen, but she definitely has her shit together way more than you. She has an Oscar, and commands over $10 million a picture. Plus she has a settled personal life that includes kids and behaving like a responsible adult. And you? Your life is dating filthy rock-stars, and getting fall-down drunk on a nightly basis and basically making an ass of yourself. Jake may have been attracted to that sort of nonsense when he was younger, but he's grown up now. He's left you way, way behind. And it's time for you to realize that, and get over your delusional hopes that you and he will one day be reunited.
There is someone out there for you though Kiki - and his name is Pete Doherty. Look him up. You guys would be a fabulous couple...of pathetic wash-outs.
(source)
