Awkwardness

This isn't what it looks like. Justin Gaston didn't knock up Miley Cyrus and get hauled to the court house to marry the bitch by her enraged father. The look on Gaston's face isn't one of suicidal gloom but mere mild sheepishness. He knows he's taking those folks for a ride and knows we know it.

Like A Rhinestone Homo...

Nothing says country bad-ass like a rhinestone-studded cowboy hat. Billy Ray Cyrus doesn't even know how gay he comes off. It doesn't help having Justin Gaston next to him, looking like his boy-slave all cleaned off and dressed up for the night. "I can still smell a little bit of shit and jizz boy-slave. Go spray yourself down with another gallon of TAG." Country people make me laugh. Always with the mudflaps and the incest and the dragging black people to death behind pick-up trucks...

They're What?

Billy Ray Cyrus invited Barack Obama's young daughters to be on Hannah Montana with his slutty daughter Miley Cyrus, but now the hillbilly is backtracking on the invitation. "Oh, to tell you the truth now, this thing got a lot bigger, a lot quicker than I ever planned," Billy Ray sniveled to reporters. Translation: "Somebody told me Barack Obama and his kids were black. Can you imagine? A negro in the White House? What the hell's next? A Chinaman at the Grand Ol' Opry? Ain't nothing sacred in this world anymore?" Billy Ray then suggested VP-elect Joe Biden's kids could be on the show - and then someone told him Biden was Catholic and he almost shit his pants. "They still have them Catholics? Well sheeeeeit. I need to read a newspaper more often, dagnubbit. And I suppose the Chief of Staff is a damn Jew. He is? Consarnit right to tarnation! Somebody give me a jug o' moonshine and a dog to go to town with. I gotta escape this fliggered-up topsy-turvy world."

Miley CMA

Miley Cyrus got all dressed-up like a big girl and went to the Cuntry Music Awards last night. That dress looks like an old bloody rag. They should stop letting her pick out her own clothes. They should stop letting her do her own make-up. They should just stop.

Where was Justin Gaston? In the back giving Miley's mom a ride - while Billy Ray took pictures.

Role Models

Sick redneck Billy Ray Cyrus and his slutty spawn Miley are engaged in epic warfare with Disney over the future of Miley's show Hannah Montana. Basically, Billy Ray and Miley don't want to do the show anymore, but it's such a cash-cow for Disney that they refuse to let them just walk. Billy Ray and Miley have decided to deal with the situation by being complete cocks. Miley's been such a bitch to her co-stars and crew that, reportedly, a lot of them won't even speak to her anymore. Disney has countered by attempting to extend the show's run beyond the originally planned number of episodes. The Cyrus revolt is allegedly being orchestrated by Billy Ray who thinks there's more money to be made in tours and albums - not just Miley's but his own. Yes, the man who gave us "Achy Breaky Heart" is planning to take advantage of his daughter's fame by resurrecting his own lame career. Nothing like living off your children. I would hope for Miley's little fans to rebel against her now but unfortunately they're all mindless drones. This little girl is an insufferable twat. I wish she'd been in the plane with Travis Barker and DJ AM.

Tyra Teaming With Miley for Teeny Talk Show

Media mogul Tyra Banks is joining forces with MySpace/YouTube tramp Miley Cyrus to create a new teencentric talk show.

"Miley already has a huge following among teen girls, so her show would likely be successful," a source said. "Tyra sees Miley's potential."

Miley's first guest? Annie Leibovitz.

"So Annie, tell me. What did it feel like to corrupt my morals?"

Then Billy Ray comes out in a clown suit, dumps a bucket of pudding on Annie's head and drags her out back.

In the meantime...could someone explain to me how the fuck Tyra Banks ever became as big as she is? This vapid bitch's popularity is only slightly less perplexing than the mystery of Judge Crater.

Billy Ray Cyrus Talks Naughty Miley Pic

Billy Ray Cyrus allowed himself to be questioned yet again about the infamous Annie Liebovitz photo showing his little innocent daughter Miley wrapped only in a blanket.



Billy Ray should refuse to answer questions about the picture anymore. It's old news. But, obviously, it's still something he thinks he needs to defend. Why? It wasn't her fault and it wasn't his fault...so drop it right?

I love his defense of why he wasn't with Miley at the photoshoot: "I didn't have any choice. I had a show to do, and an obligation, to go to Washington state ... playing for the troops just back from Iraq." Okay Billy Ray...you're off the hook for being a shit father because you love the troops.

By the way...the day Miley officially becomes worth a billion dollars will also hopefully be the day the sun explodes, destroying humanity. We don't deserve to live if something like that can happen.

Miley Cyrus in Her Red Lace Underwear

Miley supposedly sent these to Nick Jonas. Billy Ray has that bottom one as his desktop.

There's Nothing Wrong With These Miley Cyrus Pictures Either

Miley Cyrus is young and likes to have fun. Which includes licking her female friends on the face and giving her dad big kisses while sitting on his lap wrapped in a towel (and he's holding onto a water bottle in a way that suggests jerking off sorta).

(Editor's Note: The Perez-type writing was on the top picture already. So don't be accusing me of ripping him off, 'kay?)

Miley Cyrus Goof Video

Fairly amusing goof on the Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair shoot. Suggets that Billy Ray has an unhealthy fixation on young Miley and that Disney is in favor of slutting up her image. Don't know what to say about the big Annie Leibovitz nose. Somewhat touchy there. I guess if you can make fun of redneck incest you can do a Jewish big nose joke.

Miley Cyrus is Inspired by Sex and the City

Miley Cyrus has added to her reputation as a budding skankburger by saying her kiddie show Hannah Montana draws part of its inspiration from racy HBO series Sex and the City.

"Obviously not the scenarios," Miley explained. "But, if you watch Sex And The City, like the way the friends are, the way that it's dry and they all have distinct characters - that's a thing we try to do on our show. It's my favorite show. I love it!"

Hold up there Miley...you're fifteen and your favorite show is Sex and the City? No wonder you're such a slut already. Jesus, if I had a daughter, I wouldn't let her watch that show until she was thirty.

What the fuck, Billy Ray...did you attend the Jamie & Lynne Spears school of parenting or something? Turn that potty-mouthed shit off and get something wholesome into that girl's head. I swear Billy Ray...you make Hulk Hogan look like Ward Cleaver.

The Miley Cyrus Stuff is Getting Disturbing

Billy Ray Cyrus...it's time for you to rein in your teen queen daughter Miley. No way should she be traipsing around in a get-up like this. She's just inviting pedos to drool over her, and that ain't right yo!

Society is screwed-up enough as it is without every dirtbag in the world getting over-stimulated by the sight of your pubescent daughter in her little cat-suit, Billy Ray. Although, I suppose this could be part of some plan of yours to actually rid the world of pedos. Like, you and Miley are hoping that by parading her around in these inappropriate costumes, you'll arouse these sickos to the point where their heads explode like in that old movie Scanners.

(Dear Papa Joe...don't look at Miley Cyrus! Your head will explode!)

Miley Cyrus Gives the Pedos Their Money's Worth

Miley Cyrus has all the pedos' hearts pounding at the Houston Rodeo.

Houston Rodeo? Billy Ray...you really want your 15-year-old daughter prancing around like that in front of a bunch of drunken cowboys? That's how Jamie Lynn wound up in her predicament, you know.

Miley Cyrus May be a Lesbian

Miley Cyrus has revealed that lesbian rocker Melissa Etheridge is one of her big musical inspirations.

Miley spoke about her new record to a Houston radio station:

I'm taking chances on the new album, it has a weird and crazy new sound. The last album was a little more produced, a little more girlie. I'm really a huge fan of The Killers, and another one of my favorite artists is Melissa Etheridge.

I love that mixture of techno-rock; that's a very Killers vibe; then you'll hear Melissa Etheridge, more earthy with her voice, and it's not a bunch of tuned-up stuff. You'll hear her voice crack, and it sounds awesome.

You can tell Miley is the daughter of a musician...all her crap about vibes and somebody's sound not being "tuned-up." That's probably how Billy Ray talks at the dinner table. "This dinner is a little over-produced Juanita. The green beans don't stand out from the potatoes and the asparagus is muddy-sounding. Somebody call Glyn Johns!"

Oh, and Miley likes Melissa Etheridge, so that makes her a lesbian.

Miley Cyrus Is Proud Of Knocked-Up Jamie Lynn Spears

Miley Cyrus says she has spoken to Jamie Lynn Spears, and that Jamie Lynn told her she's "really excited" about the bastard child she's soon to bring into the world.

"She's now really excited," Cyrus said, "so I'm proud of her. I think she's done the best she can."

The best she can at what - becoming an underage slut teen mother? Yes, I agree - she's done smashingly well at that. No one will argue.

I think Billy Ray didn't spank Miley enough when she was little.

(source)