Adnan Extorting Nookie from Britney?

Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib have gotten back together against the objections of Britney's father/conservator Jamie. But there's a sinister twist to the story: Apparently, Britney has only taken Adnan back because she's worried he'll release a sex tape the two made while on vacation in Mexico some months ago.

"Britney's really scared that Adnan has a sex tape," an insider said. "She wants to get it out of his hands."

Well, there's a novel approach to getting some tail. "You better take me back or I'll release our sex tape from Mexico." You wouldn't think a guy like Adnan would need to resort to such tactics. Britney's poon must be like catnip. I just hope to hell the sex tape doesn't actually come out. I'm off sex-tapes for ever after that Mini-Me thing.

Jamie Lynn Spears to Be Induced

Pregnancy complications will reportedly cause doctors to induce Jamie Lynn Spears as early as tomorrow, reports the Enquirer.

Jamie Lynn apparently had an ultrasound last week which indicated the baby was in a breech position.

Britney and Jamie Spears have reportedly left Los Angeles to be with Jamie Lynn in Mississippi.

Who has their kid in Mississippi if they have a choice in the matter? Do they even have hospitals there?

Hopefully Jamie Lynn and the baby will be okay...cause it would suck if we didn't get to make fun of them for many years to come.

Jamie Lynn's Baby Shower

OK! Magazine got pics from Jamie Lynn Spears' baby shower (I'll be expecting an email from their lawyers after posting this one). Britney appears to be wearing a tablecloth, plus she's about six-feet tall. Lynne looks like she's going to the Kentucky Derby (to watch horse death). I'd comment on Jamie Lynn's appearance if I were 100% sure that actually is Jamie Lynn in the middle. The chick next to her looks like Tori Spelling and Heidi Montag had the worst parts of their faces fused to create Bride of Fugenstein. And the broad on the far right...I'm pretty sure she rang up my groceries the last time I was in Safeway.

Miley Cyrus is Inspired by Sex and the City

Miley Cyrus has added to her reputation as a budding skankburger by saying her kiddie show Hannah Montana draws part of its inspiration from racy HBO series Sex and the City.

"Obviously not the scenarios," Miley explained. "But, if you watch Sex And The City, like the way the friends are, the way that it's dry and they all have distinct characters - that's a thing we try to do on our show. It's my favorite show. I love it!"

Hold up there Miley...you're fifteen and your favorite show is Sex and the City? No wonder you're such a slut already. Jesus, if I had a daughter, I wouldn't let her watch that show until she was thirty.

What the fuck, Billy Ray...did you attend the Jamie & Lynne Spears school of parenting or something? Turn that potty-mouthed shit off and get something wholesome into that girl's head. I swear Billy Ray...you make Hulk Hogan look like Ward Cleaver.

Crazy Britney is (Sort of) Back

After weeks of relatively calm and responsible behavior, Britney Spears reverted to form last night by getting into a car accident.

TMZ is calling the incident, which happened on the 405 freeway in L.A. around 8:20 PM local time, a minor fender bender that ended with everyone going "on their merry way."

Perez Hilton paints a somewhat more chaotic picture however, reporting exclusively that the other driver "is making a big deal" and that Britney was given a breathalyzer test. Hilton also said earlier that Britney had been hauled in for a drug test but this has since been removed from his site.

So why is Britney, a clear head-case, even allowed to drive at all? Here's what a source told OK! Magazine a couple of weeks ago:

Britney is addicted to driving. Initially, her father wouldn’t let her drive at all, but he knows how much she loves it and it calms her, so he’s softened the restriction. He now lets her toodle around the block in her gated community.

So now I guess Jamie is letting Britney out on the freeway. Because driving calms her. Does playing around with a shotgun calm her too? Maybe Jamie should get her one and let her shoot it. "We're sorry about your dog sir, but it's the only way to calm her down."

Britney's Weekend: Kids, Mel Gibson, Running a Red Light

Britney Spears got to hang out with her kids this weekend. Of course she made her father Jamie push the stroller...Britney loves the buggers but there's a limit.



After getting done with her kids, Britney went to dinner with Mel Gibson. Yes, I said it...Mel Gibson.

Why the fuck was Britney having dinner with Mel Gibson? Were they trying to bring on the Apocalypse? No. Apparently, Mel and his family have taken an interest in Britney's plight. Mel has had his own problems with substance-abuse of course, so that makes him eminently qualified to help Britney battle her demons.

Oh man...the Catholics have gotten their hooks back into Britney. This is going to make Madonna soooo mad.




The good news: Britney has drivers now. The bad news: They can't drive worth a damn either.

Yes, Britney's driver got pulled over...for running a red light. You just know Britney was ordering the guy from the back. "If you don't make Rite Aid soon I'm gonna piss my pants. Again."

Britney Spears Goes to the Doctor

Jamie Spears takes Britney to the doctor.

Britney Is Still Not Okay

If you think Britney's all better now because her family has taken over her affairs and gotten rid of that evil shithead Sam Lutfi - guess again. She's still a mess. Check out this pic of her going clubbing with her father Jamie as chaperon. Her make-up...



It ain't just the make-up either - it's her eyes. Nobody's home there. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. She doesn't have both paddles in the water. Cheese fell off the cracker. She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. I could go on but I've got some garlic bread cooking...

Restraining Order Reveals Depth Of Lutfi Scumminess

Sam Lutfi has a restraining order against him on behalf of Britney Spears. A full copy of that order is now available for public consumption, and some of the stuff it alleges about Lutfi is pretty terrifying.

Here's the text of Lynne Spears's declaration, including an account of what went down in the days leading up to Britney being committed to UCLA's psych ward:

This past Monday night (January 28) [the order was issued last Friday], Britney's father Jamie and I (in separate cars) went to Britney's house in Beverly Hills because we had heard news reports that Britney had just been in a big fight with Osama Lutfi aka Sam Lutfi ("Sam"), the man who has inserted himself into my daughter's life, home, and finances, and that she was crying. We were very concerned about her safety. We arrived at the Summit Community gatehouse in BHPO at approximately 10 pm. I was with my friend, Jackie.

The guards at the gatehouse stopped us there for awhile. Jackie, Jamie and I finally proceeded to Britney's house and entered it. We were able to enter the house because it was not locked. Britney does not lock her doors and currently there are no security guards around her residence. Britney was not home. We found Sam, and Sam said as we walked in the door that Britney only wanted me to come to the house, and that she was afraid to see her dad.

Two or three paparazzi came into the house and entered the kitchen. They greeted Sam. The paparazzi then reported to Sam where Britney currently was. From the conversation between Sam and the paparazzi I determined that Sam had given Felipe (another paparazzi [sic]) one of Britney's cars to get her out of the house when he heard that Jamie and I were on our way to see Britney. I also understood from the conversation that Sam disabled all of Britney's cars (she has several at her residence).

Sam had told Britney that Jamie and I were coming to the house to do an intervention, and that Britney panicked and took off with Felipe. Another man named Chad Hardcastle was in the house.

I also heard during the evening that during Britney's and Sam's fight that evening, Sam had told Britney that she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan, her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids, and that she does not deserve her kids.

The paparazzi reported to Sam and addressed him with great respect. They treated him like a general. He instructed them to get her back to the house. They later told Sam that Britney was on her way back.

Britney then came back to the house with Adnan, who is also a paparazzi [sic]. Sam then told Jackie and me that we needed to do whatever he tells us. I objected. He then told me, "I'm the one who spends 24/7 with your daughter. I sleep in cars outside her house so she can't leave." Sam then said, "You people throw everyone under the bus, if you don't listen to me I'm going to make your name shit in the papers."

As I looked around the kitchen, I noticed that in the middle of the kitchen table there was a large car battery. At some point during the evening I learned that the car battery was there so Sam could charge his cell phone. Although Britney has several cell phones, he told us that he had disposed of all of the phone chargers and had made the house phones unworkable.

Sam told Jackie and me to tell Adnan to leave Britney alone and get the fuck out of the house. Jackie refused. Sam then said to tell Britney that Adnan is gay. Adnan stayed at the house a little while longer. Sam quietly said something to Adnan and Adnan promptly left the house.

Britney came into the room looking for Adnan. Sam told her that Adnan was in the bathroom. Britney then asked me, "Is Adnan gay?" While Britney was out of earshot, Sam told Jackie and me that we should pretend that Adnan was in the bathroom so Britney wouldn't leave.

Britney then became very agitated and could not stop moving. She cleaned the house. She changed her clothes many times. She also changed her three dogs' clothes many times. Britney spoke to me in a tone and with the level of understanding of a very young girl. Britney then picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, "What does insomnia mean?" Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake.

Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney's pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdol [Risperdal] and Seroquel. He told us that he puts them in her food and that was the reason she had been quiet for the last three days (she had been sleeping). He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced [meant drug-induced] coma so that they could then give her the drugs to heal her brain.

Sam then encouraged us to sit down on the sofa and to do "tequila shots." Jackie and I said we did not want to. Britney seemed to follow our lead. Sam then got some wine out and said, "Let's all do toasts with wine." Britney said that she didn't want to, she wanted a pretty glass. Sam found a glass with a stem and poured wine for Britney when we were not looking. Britney refused to drink her wine and asked to drink mine.

Shortly afterward, Sam went back into the kitchen and was standing behind a raised bar so that we could not see what his hands were doing on the counter. From what I could see, it looked like he was crushing something on the counter. Sam then said to Britney, "Let's go upstairs," and Britney followed him. Britney had calmed down by the time she went upstairs.

A little while later, Britney came downstairs. She seemed agitated again and told us that she wanted to go Rite Aid for lipsticks. It was now past midnight. Jackie and I said we would take her. Sam told us that he wanted to follow us in his car. We told him that he shouldn't because the paparazzi were in front of the neighbor's house and would harass us. As we were about to drive off, Sam jumped into the backseat of the car. The paparazzi followed. Sam and I were sitting in the backseat, with Chad as well. He told me that he gave Britney something (when they were upstairs) to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun. We entered Rite Aid and Britney chose her lipstick. The manager said it is dangerous out there, which it was. When Britney gave the cashier her credit card, the cashier told her it was not working. I paid for the lipstick and the manager told us we could leave through the side door so no one could see us. Sam insisted we leave through the front door and he put his arms around Britney and me for the paparazzi to take pictures. I disengaged as quickly as I could.

Sam told me, "You'd better learn that I control everything. I control Howard Grossman, Britney's business manager. I control her attorneys and the security guards at the gate. They don't listen to Britney, they listen to me. That's why Jamie was gone tonight."

At another point that evening, Sam bragged to me that he is the one who receives Britney's checks and that one of them was for me. I told Sam that I hadn't gotten any checks from Britney. Sam then told me that they are in his car. He told me that if he weren't in the house to give Britney her medicine, she would kill herself. Then he said to me, "If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave."

He then proclaimed that he has been in the family for a year and that he has done nothing but good for Britney. At this point it was two or three in the morning. Britney was meandering around the house. She would let me hug her, but she was out of it.

At one point during the night, Sam was screaming at me and Britney said to me, "Sam treats me like that." Then she picked up her house phone and said, "Look at the phone, it doesn't work." Sam then blamed the dead phone on Britney. Jackie spoke up and said to Sam, "You said you cut the phone wire."

Britney then said again at some point during the night, "When do I get to see my babies?" Sam answered, "Wednesday." Britney then said, "What do I have to do to see them?" Sam responded, "Take the pills I tell you to take." Britney said, "I don't like the pills and I don't like the psychiatrist. Can't I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?" Sam responded, "If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies." Jackie then said, "Britney, your parents can help you find a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist needs to get to know you to give you the right medicine." Sam then raised his voice and said, "Why don't you get back with Kevin."

Britney then said, "I'll do anything to get them back."

At some point during the evening, Sam said that Britney decided that he should be their manager.

Adnan has called me and told me he's worried about Britney. He told me that Sam hides the phones and tells her he has lost them. He also hides her dog, London. She looks for him all over the house crying and then Sam brings out the dog from the hiding place and acts like her savior.

While we were at Rite Aid, Britney went in an out of her British accent.

At 4:00 am, I was exhausted and wanted to leave. Sam blocked my car so I could not leave. I threatened to call Jamie to the house.

Britney said, "I want my daddy up here. I want to talk to my daddy." I reached Jamie on the phone and gave the phone to Britney. I heard her tell him that she wanted to see him. He said, "Right now baby?" and she said, "No." He said, "10:00 in the morning?" And she said, "No, noon."

I spent the rest of the night at Britney's house and for the first time in a very long time, when I lay down to sleep, I felt very agitated. I could not fall asleep at all. I felt like I had had coffee. Jackie, who had gone home earlier, told me that she also could not sleep at all and felt like she had had coffee.

Jamie came to pick me up the next morning. Jamie gave Britney a big hug and said to her, "Baby, you're okay?" Britney said, "I'm fine," then burst into tears.

To my knowledge, Britney never went to sleep that night and was very agitated most of the night.

Sam and Chad, however, slept in the "smoking room," a small room downstairs on the first floor of the house.

Later the next day, on January 29, Jackie showed me a text message she had received from Sam: "Thanks for telling Jamie all your bullshit. He just hit me. Now you guys did your deed. Much accomplished. Good job."

I did not see Britney again until I arrived at her house on Wednesday night after Sam called me and told me to come to the house. When we arrived, Britney seemed subdued. The police arrived and took her to the Neuro Psychiatric Institute at UCLA ("NPI"). While at NPI, I learned that Britney informed her doctor, Lee Sadja, MD, that she had also taken Aderol [Adderall].

Risperdal and Seroquel are used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Adderall is for ADHD and depression.

Sam Lutfi is the king of dirtbags.

(source)

Jamie And Lynne Spears Appear To Fight

Shaky video of Jamie Spears yelling at someone through the window of their car, then yelling at Lynne. Those people are under a lot of stress.

Britney's House Robbed

Britney Spears's parents filed a report with Los Angeles police after discovering numerous "valuable" objects had gone missing from Britney's Beverly Hills home.

Lynne and Jamie, who just got done convincing the court to place Britney under Jamie's conservatorship while slapping a restraining order on her "manager" Sam Lutfi, believe the items were stolen after Britney was hauled off by the men in the white coats several days ago.

Police are currently processing the report. At this point, the LAPD might want to consider starting a special Britney Spears unit, given all the time they spend dealing with her shit.

By the way, who else thinks Sam Lutfi broke into the house and stole the stuff? He's probably in Mexico by now.

(source)

Britney Spears Dragged Off To Looney Bin

Britney Spears was hauled, apparently not kicking and screaming, off to the nuthouse last night. Why this would happen when Britney clearly isn't really crazy is beyond me. Maybe she just wanted a little rest from her endless campaign of pretend-insanity, and figured a short voluntary stint at UCLA Medical Center would do.

Yes, Britney went of her own free will. TMZ reports that, after the live-in shrink put in their call to the authorities, Brit made hot chocolate and waited calmly for the paramedics. The shrink apparently made the call because Britney hadn't slept in a couple of days. I wasn't aware that she slept at all, but okay.

TMZ now says that, a few weeks ago, Britney signed papers indicating she wanted her parents kept out of any medical decisions. This stemmed from a shoving match between her father Jamie and Sam Lutfi. On the one hand, I think Britney showed sound judgment in not wanting her parents involved - since they're the ones who got her in this mess in the first place. But giving authority to Sam Lutfi to make decisions on her behalf shows the opposite of sound judgment - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised to learn Lutfi was even at this moment on his way to Brazil, having transferred all Britney's money into his own off-shore accounts.