Did Mel Gibson Lose His Hand?

I went through several stages of disturbedness when I looked at this picture. First when I saw that it was Mel Gibson, then when I saw that Mel was holding a small child. Then I noticed that Mel's left hand appears to be made of rubber and had myself one of those what the fuck moments.

I admit that I don't follow this shit as closely as someone who blogs about it probably should, but I'm pretty sure I still would've noticed a story about Mel Gibson having his hand amputated.

I can only think of a few explanations for Mel's loss of hand. One, he found out he was part Jewish, and got rid of that part. Two, he finally owned up to his life of sin and submitted himself to a good old-fashioned biblical punishment. Three, he was digging too far up his ass and popped the fucker off.

The last one is pretty painful and nasty. I speak from experience.

Where's Oksana?

Mel Gibson leaving Nobu, looking...randy. No sign of Oksana. Don't tell me he's already tired of her.

The Mel Is Loose!

Mel Gibson has had a battery report filed against him by a man claiming the actor went after him at a club in L.A.

Hollyscoop says Gibson and his girlfriend Oksana Howeveryousayitskaya were enjoying themselves in a respectable fashion at this new "hotspot" Playhouse when some douchebag reporter started taking Mel's picture and pissing him off.

Mel managed to chase the reporter off, but the persistent fucker sent her friend back with the camera to get more snaps, and that's when Mel, uh, snapped.

"Mel approached the guy who tried to take his picture and ripped his shirt," a source said.

Mel soon gathered up his pregnant Sugartits and stormed out of the club. The assaultee was, last anyone heard, heading off to tell the cops on Mel. More to come as publicists release statements.

Don't Bother Watching It

Mel Gibson's mistress Oksana Grigorieva has an album out, and Mel was kind enough to direct a music video for her, for a song called Beautiful Heartache. I watched it - okay, thirty seconds of it - so that I could inform you all that you don't need to bother watching it. Aren't I a nice Crabster for saving you that pain? I'm like the blogging equivalent of one of Michael Jackson's doctors - a distributor of happiness.

Mad Mel Strikes

Parishoners at Mel Gibson's private church in Malibu got an up-close and personal look last Sunday at what a raving lunatic he is, when the actor broke off a tirade against them for "gossiping" about his private life, which in recent months has included breaking up with his wife - who is now divorcing him - and knocking up his Russian mistress (can't imagine what they would've been whispering about).

"Mel completely lost it," a witness said. "His holier than thou world is falling apart around him - all these years he’s been preaching the good holy word, and now that the wizard’s curtain has been pulled back, we find that Mel hasn’t been practising what he preaches."

The witness describes Mel's rant: "Mel got up on his stage - the altar - and went off. He tried to intimidate the parishioners by staring at everyone with his angry eyes.

"Mel even threatened to shut down the church if people kept gossiping about him. The bottom line is that if Mel hadn’t cheated on his wife and gotten his Russian girlfriend [Oksana Grigorieva] pregnant, there wouldn’t be much to gossip about – he created this mess, and now he’s trying to control it."

My question: Why didn't Mel just shoot lightning out of his eyes or raise his minions up from the earth and have them smite the gossips? I'm sure he has the power to, if he wishes. Unless the Jews have finally succeeded in robbing him of his holy mojo. They've been after him for years, you know. In fact, I'm pretty sure this Oksana chick was sent by a Jewish wizard to seduce Mel. Otherwise, he never would've cheated on his wife. Dudes who believe in Jesus never transgress unless tempted by the devil or someone equally bad.

By the way, if you're Catholic and you're going to Mel Gibson's church in Malibu? You're not a Catholic. And no, I can't think of anything scarier than Mel Gibson raving at me while staring me in the eyes. I'd rather face 1500 pitbulls in the Michael Vick Cosmic Death Ring than deal with that shit.

Evil Dog Endangerer

All I can say is: Wow. Matthew McConaughey sure isn't very concerned about the health and well-being of his dog. I hope to shit he doesn't play in the street like that with his son. That's fucking Malibu, man. Mel Gibson lives around there...and he ain't exactly responsible behind the wheel, you know?

On Location With Mel Gibson - Edge of Darkness

Mel Gibson has climbed back into the saddle as an actor for a starring role in Edge of Darkness, a murder-mystery directed by Martin Campbell of Casino Royale fame, and written by William Monahan of The Departed. A Crabbie fan who lives in the Massachusetts town where Gibson was just filming was kind enough to share some accounts of the shoot and pass along some exclusive pictures of Mel on-location.


The shoot was largely a nightmare for residents of Northampton, whose town was all but shut down for a week. Crabbie's spy says the crew took over the court house, creating a huge annoyance, and even went so far as to disable a safety device intended to aid the visually impaired at a dangerous intersection. One resident wasn't having any of the nonsense however. The handicapped woman, says Crabbie's spy, parked her car in the middle of the shoot and was told to move by a crew-member. "I will park anywhere I damn well want," the elderly lady shouted back. "I don't care who the fuck you are." The crew member thought better of further confrontation and let the old lady go her merry way.

Of course Mel Gibson himself was the star attraction. Some residents had fun with him while the cast and crew were busy across the street from the post office. A postal worker shouted at him, "Hel Mel, you need some stamps?"

"Do you have any with my picture on it?" Gibson replied.

The postal worker said no, she indeed did not.

"Well you should make some," Mel quipped. "Nothing would give me more pleasure than knowing that people across the United States are licking my ass."

Mel Gibson, always the wit. At least he abstained from dropping a "Sugartits" or an anti-Jewish rant in there. Here are more pictures of the pampered, apparently sunstroke-prone Mr. Gibson shooting Edge of Darkness.

(Congratulations to the tavern owners around Northampton by the way - I'm sure they cleaned up while Mel was in town. That piss smell will eventually go away too.)


"You're a little person. I'm just like Jesus except I'm not a Jew. Did you just make eye-contact?"



"Oh, that one's got a nice ass."



"Apocalypto. What the hell was I thinking? God I really need help don't I? Nah, fuck it. I'm Mel Gibson."

"Look at all these fucking peasants. What the hell do they even go on breathing for? Oh man I'd like to ride that one like a fucking race horse."

Britney in Costa Rica

Britney Spears has been enjoying herself as Mel Gibson's guest in Costa Rica. Mel himself has yet to pop up in any of the pictures I've seen...which leads me to believe that Mel is not actually present at the place where Britney is staying.

No, I think Mel's mercy mission on Britney's behalf is actually Mel's wife Robyn's mercy mission, and Mel has to go along with it because...well, that's what happens when you fuck up as bad as Mel has fucked up. If the wife wants to half-way adopt a wayward pop star, you just have to suck it up and write the checks.

I bet Mel's not too happy about having to foot the bill for Britney's little spiritual healing session though. "Two-hundred bucks for Cheetos. Who the fuck eats two-hundred dollars worth of Cheetos in four days?"

Let's just hope Mel is really only supporting his wife in this and is not in fact taking a personal interest in Britney's rehabilitation. Britney's life is bad enough without her becoming a Jew-hating Jesus-freak on top of it.

If she starts calling people "Sugar Tits," we'll know there's a problem.

Mel Gibson and Britney Spears Are in Costa Rica

Mel Gibson's interest in Britney Spears extends beyond dinner dates. Even as we speak, the loopy Jew-hater and the over-medicated vehicular menace are enjoying a weekend stay together at Mel's place in Costa Rica.

Gibson appears to have adopted Britney as a sort of project. Some act of Christian charity I guess. Or maybe he just wants to get in her pants. I don't even care to speculate as to what ulterior motives Gibson may have. That dude's brain is a frightening place full of spiders and scorpions and talking whiskey bottles.

Britney's Weekend: Kids, Mel Gibson, Running a Red Light

Britney Spears got to hang out with her kids this weekend. Of course she made her father Jamie push the stroller...Britney loves the buggers but there's a limit.



After getting done with her kids, Britney went to dinner with Mel Gibson. Yes, I said it...Mel Gibson.

Why the fuck was Britney having dinner with Mel Gibson? Were they trying to bring on the Apocalypse? No. Apparently, Mel and his family have taken an interest in Britney's plight. Mel has had his own problems with substance-abuse of course, so that makes him eminently qualified to help Britney battle her demons.

Oh man...the Catholics have gotten their hooks back into Britney. This is going to make Madonna soooo mad.




The good news: Britney has drivers now. The bad news: They can't drive worth a damn either.

Yes, Britney's driver got pulled over...for running a red light. You just know Britney was ordering the guy from the back. "If you don't make Rite Aid soon I'm gonna piss my pants. Again."

Mel Gibson Honored At The Irish Film And Television Awards

What is Mel Gibson thinking in this picture?

A. I wonder how far I could shove this thing up my ass.
B. This award would be even cooler if it looked exactly like me and also dispensed alcohol.
C. Jesus died so I could win all these awards. Yup, I think that's fair.
D. Fucking Jews.
E. Someday they're going to catch on that I'm a complete charlatan. But I won't care because I'll be living on my own island, surrounded by the freaks I created as part of my evil genetic experiments.

Barron Hilton Arrested For DUI. No, The Young One.

Paris Hilton's equally worthless brother Barron was arrested for DUI in Malibu at 8:30 Tuesday morning. He reportedly blew a .14 (!) and now faces misdemeanor DUI charges and also charges of carrying a fake license.

TMZ says Barron, 18, snuck out of his parents' house last night and slunk off to do his drinking and whoring and whatever else people like him do (I'm guessing he didn't sneak off to attend a poetry reading). No drugs were involved in the incident, just booze.

Well, Barron should be okay - he got booked in the same sheriff's office that handled Mel Gibson. Those guys are pretty friendly to celebs. Um...Barron's a celeb right? Well his sister is, so that's close enough.

Mel Gibson Sued Over The Passion

Benedict Fitzgerald, a screenwriter who worked on Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, is suing the actor/director claiming Gibson screwed him out of fair compensation after the film was a hit.

"Gibson preyed monetarily on Ben, taking advantage of his unbridled enthusiasm for the project and with full cognizance of Ben's fundamental personal and spiritual beliefs," the lawsuit says.

Fitzgerald claims Gibson told him the movie was being made on a shoestring budget, and that neither one of them would make any money out of it. The film went on to gross over $600 million worldwide, yet Fitzgerald was only paid $75,000, and at one point had to borrow $200,000 from Gibson to cover his expenses.

This shocks me. Really. All this time, I thought Mel Gibson was a good Christian man. I mean, he made The Passion of the Christ, for God's sake - the most pious film in the history of the world. How could he rip off a fellow Christian? Christians just don't do things like that.

(source)

Christianity Must Be In Rough Shape

Some joint called BeliefNet.com has issued their list of the 10 most powerful Christians in Hollywood. Improbably, Mel Gibson is at the top of the chart. I say "improbably" because, about this time last year, we had all pretty much buried Gibson's career. But Mel has pulled a Jesus and resurrected himself - pretty much without actually doing anything, as a matter of fact. Here's the complete top 10:

1. Mel Gibson
2. Denzel Washington
3. Patricia Heaton
4. Tyler Perry
5. Ralph Winter
6. Angela Bassett
7. Martin Sheen
8. Martha Williamson
9. Kristin Chenoweth
10. Philip Anschultz

I don't know if I agree with that list. First of all, given recent box-office performance, shouldn't Tyler Perry be number 1? Those movies based on his plays pretty much always open big. I don't think Apocalypto was nearly as profitable as Diary of a Mad Black Woman. And Denzel Washington - we all love Denzel, but what was his last actual hit? I can't honestly remember. Of course, a couple of these people are only included because they're controversial. Like Patricia Heaton, who pretty much hates everyone who doesn't precisely agree with her views. And Martin Sheen who has demonstrated himself to be a total wacko. I don't know - seems to me that if Heaton and Sheen are considered "powerful Christians" in show-biz, then "powerful Christian in show-biz" is pretty much an oxymoron.

(source)

Mel Gibson - Staying Sober

Mel Gibson has himself some fun at a club in Bali last month. Maybe the cameraman caught him just as he was about to sneeze?

Mel Gibson Is Committed To Sobriety

Mel Gibson has been hanging around in Costa Rica a lot - he's even bought a mansion there, and has been kissing official ass and promising to give money to the natives. This is what you do when you're a big star who's been shamed in America - you find some backward banana-sucking country and spread a bunch of money around and turn yourself into a little pseudo-nobleman. Mel will probably start calling himself Senor Mel now, and will go around with a monkey on his shoulder, and have little brown native boys fanning him with palm fronds. And he'll have tons of native girls at his disposal. Down there they don't care if he's a drunk anti-Semite.

(source)

Mel Gibson's Fuse Is Still Short

I don't know if Mel Gibson has been getting anger-management training since his famed drunken tirade last year, but if he has been, it isn't working. This became glaringly obvious at a Cal State-Northridge seminar Thursday night where Mel was openly challenged about his portrayal of the Maya in his Academy-Award-ignored film Apocalypto. Alicia Estrada, the Assistant Professor of Central American Studies at the university, stood up during the Q&A after Gibson's presentation and asked him point-blank if he'd bothered reading about Mayan culture before making the film. Gibson said he indeed had. Estrada then went on to challenge his portrayal of the Maya as bloodthirsty practitioners of human sacrifice, calling this characterization wrong and racist, at which point Gibson, well, went Mel Gibson. "Lady, fuck off," the thin-skinned lunatic reportedly shouted.

Reps for Gibson are trying to portray Estrada as a mere heckler, asserting that university security escorted her from the building after Gibson's blow up. Estrada, however, tells her own story (on this video), saying her questions were valid, and that Gibson owes herself, the Mayan community and the university an apology.

How about adding the whole human race to that list, Alicia? Yes - that's what it's come to. Mel Gibson has become a disgrace to humanity. He should have to apologize, individually, to every man, woman, child, tranny and hermaphrodite on the face of the earth. And then he should have to pack himself into a rocket and shoot himself to Venus. And if there are any people there he needs to say he's sorry to them too. If not, then he should just have to live there alone, without booze or hookers or any of the other stuff he likes. Then, after maybe ten-thousand years, if he's willing to behave like something remotely resembling a decent person, maybe - maybe - he can come back. But even then he will have to be on probation for awhile - say another hundred-thousand years. If he even so much as looks at someone angrily, he will have to go back to Venus. Sorry Mel, but you brought it on yourself.

(source)

Mel Gibson May Be Insane

This is a clip from Mel Gibson's Apocalypto. In it, we see what appears to be a whole field littered with dead bodies. Then, for a split-second, a mysterious image appears. What is it? Slowing the video down allows us to see. And either laugh hysterically at Mel's wild sense of humor or cringe with horror at witnessing the true scope of his madness:

Biggest Losers of 2006: #1 Mel Gibson

It was the defining celebrity moment of 2006 - Mel Gibson's DUI arrest in California, and the subsequent news of his anti-Semitic, sexist tirade. I mean, this was Mel Freaking Gibson - the guy from Lethal Weapon for Christ's sake, the guy from Mad Max (gotta love those leather pants). A guy who, at one time, could've laid claim to being the biggest movie-star on earth. Who won Oscars for Braveheart, and had one of the highest-grossers of all time with Passion of the Christ. This wasn't some z-lister getting drunk and rowdy, this was Hollywood royalty for God's sake. And we were looking at his mugshot. We were hearing about how he got liquored up and drove too fast, and got pulled over, and went on a rant against Jews while being hauled to the pokey, and called some female cop "Sugartits." I mean, this kind of shit didn't happen to Mel Gibson - it happened to Andy Dick or Nick Nolte or Courtney Love. Not Mel Gibson. But, sadly, we had to admit it - Mel Gibson was a dirtbag. Much as we wanted to deny it, chalk it up to one bad night, we had to face the reality that Mel Gibson probably really was that anti-Semitic, that screwed up. And in the end, that altered perception is what makes Mel Gibson the biggest loser of the year - not that he's probably lost money over it, and will have to go on for years answering questions about it, but just the simple fact that, now, every time we see a Mel Gibson movie, we'll think about that mugshot, we'll imagine that dark night when Mel let the movie-star facade slip away and showed us what was truly in his heart. And we'll make bad jokes. We'll yell out "Sugartits" every time he interacts with a female co-star. We'll snicker every time he acts crazy, thinking to ourselves that it's not really acting. We'll no longer be able to give ourselves over to the illusion of the character, but will get caught up on that image of Mel, slobbering drunk, in the backseat of a police car saying the Jews were responsible for all the wars on earth and asking the arresting officer if he was a Jew, and saying that he owned Malibu. The tragedy of the whole thing being not that Mel has lost prestige or job opportunities, but that we've all lost Mel.

Mel Gibson, Still Drunk After All These Years

Allegedly reformed Mel Gibson would appear to be back on the sauce, if the above picture is any indication.

The pic, which clearly shows Gibson's shirt stained with something (and also appears to show a huge booger up his nostril), was taken outside a restaurant where the Apocalypto director had been dining. He certainly looks red-eyed and pale in it, but that could just be bad lighting, or the time of night, or the fact that he'd run out of eye-drops. Or it could mean that he was inside the restaurant downing cocktails like he thought the Rapture was ready to happen some time in the next ten minutes.

I personally don't think this guy has gotten his act together one bit. I think he's played the contrite, humbled addict on television in an attempt to repair his image, but off-camera he's the same booze-swilling, Jew-hating motherfucker he's always been. And his ass is still fabulous, although now quite bruised from being fallen on.