Parishoners at Mel Gibson's private church in Malibu got an up-close and personal look last Sunday at what a raving lunatic he is, when the actor broke off a tirade against them for "gossiping" about his private life, which in recent months has included breaking up with his wife - who is now divorcing him - and knocking up his Russian mistress (can't imagine what they would've been whispering about). "Mel completely lost it," a witness said. "His holier than thou world is falling apart around him - all these years he’s been preaching the good holy word, and now that the wizard’s curtain has been pulled back, we find that Mel hasn’t been practising what he preaches."
The witness describes Mel's rant: "Mel got up on his stage - the altar - and went off. He tried to intimidate the parishioners by staring at everyone with his angry eyes.
"Mel even threatened to shut down the church if people kept gossiping about him. The bottom line is that if Mel hadn’t cheated on his wife and gotten his Russian girlfriend [Oksana Grigorieva] pregnant, there wouldn’t be much to gossip about – he created this mess, and now he’s trying to control it."
My question: Why didn't Mel just shoot lightning out of his eyes or raise his minions up from the earth and have them smite the gossips? I'm sure he has the power to, if he wishes. Unless the Jews have finally succeeded in robbing him of his holy mojo. They've been after him for years, you know. In fact, I'm pretty sure this Oksana chick was sent by a Jewish wizard to seduce Mel. Otherwise, he never would've cheated on his wife. Dudes who believe in Jesus never transgress unless tempted by the devil or someone equally bad.
By the way, if you're Catholic and you're going to Mel Gibson's church in Malibu? You're not a Catholic. And no, I can't think of anything scarier than Mel Gibson raving at me while staring me in the eyes. I'd rather face 1500 pitbulls in the Michael Vick Cosmic Death Ring than deal with that shit.
