Ryan Seacrest Talks About Nicole Richie. Really? Not Middle-Eastern Politics Or Quantum Mechanics?

Homolicious host Ryan Seacrest felt compelled, for some reason, to tell People Magazine his feelings about Nicole Richie's recent troubles. Way to exploit someone else's hardships as a way of getting yourself a little ink Ryan. By the way, you didn't lose my number did you? Cause you never call.

Anyway, here's some of Ryan's interview:

I think that anytime you're in a situation like that and it's dangerous, you're worried for the person in that situation and you're also worried for the people around that person. The most frightening thing about it is that she was in great danger as well as people on the freeway that night and anytime you see something like that that could result in a massive catastrophe, you worry for anybody that's involved.

Translation: I have nothing really to say about this subject, or anything else, so I'll just spout some nonsense. By the way, did you know I have a radio show on KISS-FM? And I'm still on American Idol. I so rock.

There was one amusing little tidbit to come out of Ryan's ramblings, however:

I also know Nicole to be a very sweet, peaceful, charismatic and charming young girl that loves her dog. When she comes in [for an interview on my radio show], she's a great mom to her dogs and hopefully she's close to getting to that place again.

She's a great mom to her dogs. Hopefully she will be able to get over her terrible addictions and propensity to nearly kill innocent motorists because it would be a shame if those dogs lost their mother.

Ryan, a bit of advice hon - close your mouth and spread your cheeks. Because what's down there is way more interesting than anything that will ever come out of that other hole you insist on speaking with. Seriously. Shut up. You're gonna give fairies a bad name (it's bad enough that we're stuck with Elton John and Tony Blair).

Gwyneth Paltrow in Moscow

Gwyneth Paltrow attends some manner of event in Moscow. That's a good place for her. Russians are more civilized than Americans, and their dinner-table conversation is much more interesting (though a tad less private, given all the bugs in the room).

Jessica Simpson Has Hired a New Publicist: Jessica Simpson (Huh?)

Dingbat singer/actress Jessica Simpson is tired of all the crazy stories coming out about her - so much so that she has now taken upon herself the task of being her own publicist.

Never mind the fact that Jessica probably can't even spell "publicist."

All right, that was a cheap-shot.

Back to the story.

In an interview with Jane magazine, Simpson relates how she went about trying to mend fences with various members of the media who had angered her with their reports of her romance with musician John Mayer.

"It's been very emotional," Simpson said of her magazine-editor outreach program. "But I am my own publicist right now. I've called all the heads of the tabloids. I don't want anyone else to speak for me now."

She called all the heads of the tabloids. Like Don Corleone having a sit-down with the heads of the five families. Donna Jessica.

Is this bitch for real?

Sean Combs Says He Never Really Loved J. Lo. Just Her Butt.

Media mogul/tedious bastard Sean "Nickname of the Week" Combs says he never really loved his bootylicious ex-girlfriend Jennifer Lopez, because he was too busy carrying a torch for his current squeeze, model Kim Porter.

"When I was with Jennifer I got caught up," says Combs. "She was fine. The hype can pull you in. ... Y'all are looking good together, and it's feelin' good, and the relationship is genuine. There was love there, but it just wasn't this type of love."

I know what you're saying, P. I felt the same way when I switched from Oreos to Mallomars for awhile. I loved Mallomars, but it just wasn't the same. And now that I'm back to Oreos, I couldn't be happier.

Sienna Miller: Serial Fucktard

Sienna Miller just got finished apologizing for offending the city of Pittsburgh once, and already she's out there doing it again.

The latest example of why Sienna Miller is a stupid twat who needs to learn to keep her fat yap shut took place in and around Folino's restaurant on the South Side of "Shitsburgh." The doorman of Folino's, Dan Kovacs, set off the trouble by - gasp - asking Ms. Miller for her I.D. before allowing her to enter the establishment (this after the actress had apparently already snuck into the place with her parents before leaving again). Miller immediately played the "Don't you know who I am?" card, which Kovacs was having none of. And that was when Miller became "belligerent."

Movie stars becoming belligerent because someone who's just trying to do their job won't give them special treatment. Gotta love it.

But wait, it gets better: After Miller got done sparring with the doorman, according to Kovacs, the actress backed away from the restaurant, looked up at the Folino's sign and uttered the following: "'I'm going to put down Folino's as the worst place and Pittsburgh people aren't anything."

Pittsburgh people aren't anything. Great job Sienna. You half-witted stink-crotched pill-monkey.