Monday, June 30, 2008

Thank You Ramona


The heinous Maggie Gyllenhaal says motherhood has at least partially cured her of the acting bug.

"I do think that it's really difficult to get me away from [Ramona]," she said. "It's difficult to find a script that's good enough for me to think, 'Okay, I really need to do this instead of being with my daughter.'"

Ramona...you have no idea what a service you've done the human race by coming along and discouraging your mother from taking acting roles. Statues will be erected to you in the future, Ramona. You will be hailed for all-times as the one who at last rescued our eyes from the oppressive ugliness of she who brought you into the world.

All hail, Ramona the Great!!!

Ian McKellen and His Boyfriend?



Ian McKellen
is helped out of the Saint Tropez surf by some skinny, young dude. Gandalf is still getting it done.

Patrick Dempsey or Ben Stiller?


Dempsey. Okay, he doesn't really look that much like Ben Stiller here.

Does having a thing for old sports cars mean you're only somewhat insecure about the size of your penis?

Prince Harry Almost Shows the Royal Dangly


Prince Harry
all dirty and stripped to the waist, presumably while he was deployed in Afghanistan. We can only imagine what kind of crazy stuff went on with him and his buddies. You know how soldiers are.

Uma and Her Thur-Man


We can see who the boss is in that relationship. "I don't care if you are a rich financier...you're carrying the bags bud."

Heath Ledger's hair has been reincarnated on top of Arpad Busson's head.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner - Still Not Split Up


The blogs are already throwing dirt on Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's marriage - yet there are Jen and Ben still together.

How dare they defy the gossip bloggers?

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston Get Cozy



Jennifer Aniston enjoyed John Mayer's concert at Brixton Academy this weekend...then enjoyed mauling him in the backseat of a cab.

At least, I think that's Jennifer. We've got a hell of a story on our hands if it isn't.

Courtney Love Can't Afford Cab Fare


Courtney Love hurt her foot while out shopping...so she had her friend wheel her home in a shopping cart.

This was not mere eccentricity on Courtney's part...it was financial necessity. The bitch is just too broke to afford cab fare. Apparently, selling Kurt Cobain's ashes netted just enough for her to pay off the drug dealers. Now she's flat busted again. Maybe she could take up with Pete Doherty, kill him, cremate him and sell his ashes? There's a plan.

Eva Longoria's Shirt Message


10 Ways Eva Longoria Could Have More Privacy:

1. Become a nun (haaaaa).
2. Move to Antarctica and take up with a gay, French-speaking penguin.
3. Wipe all that gook off her face...then no one will recognize her.
4. Lock herself up inside her house with her vibrators and her mirrors.
5. Crawl the rest of the way up her own ass.
6. Cure Mario Lopez of his homosexuality, then run off with him.
7. Become the first chihuahua on the moon.
8. Move back to the Tijuana whorehouse she crawled out of.
9. Switch places with Teri Hatcher. No one gives a flying fart about her.
10. I don't know. Go the fuck away?

Trannies Want Victoria Beckham Dead


Victoria Beckham is Transsexual America's Most Wanted after openly lending her support to Project Runway winner and tranny-shitlister Christian Siriano.

The unabashedly homosexual Mr. Siriano first became a target of tranny ire for his use of the term "hot tranny mess" to describe a bad outfit. Then he made things worse by saying of the transsexual community:

If you think of heterosexuals, they have white trash women and trailer parks and we have drag queens and trannies.

An astute observation by Mr. Siriano. Unfortunately the truth hurts...and Siriano's words certainly stung the tranny community, which came out guns-ablazin.'

"Christian Siriano’s comments have outraged transsexuals across the country," said the Transsexual Alliance.

Poor Victoria Beckham got herself entangled in the whole sordid mess simply by supporting Siriano. Now the trannies are out for green alien blood.

"How dare she support this freak!” said a transsexual escort named Dawn.

"She might not have to worry about physical attack but boy is she going to be embarrassed when 50 of us turn up at her next public function and tell the world what we think…No one’s designs are going to do anything for an emaciated stick insect with sparrow legs like her. She might as well stick to the kind of ho-bag outfits we usually see her in. Come to think of it, she’d probably fit in quite nicely in a trailer park.”

Also astute. Really, both sides have made lots of good points. I hope my tranny sister/brothers keep this disagreement on a purely verbal, catty level. It would suck to see them get violent with Posh. I've personally witnessed a tranny beatdown, and let me tell you, you do not want to get stomped by a 240 pound she-male in pair of 10-inch platforms.

Sienna Miller is Carrying on With Balthazar Getty


Sienna Miller, who claims not to be a slut, is reportedly carrying on an affair with actor/oil heir Balthazar Getty...at the same time she was supposed to be fucking Matthew Rhys while on the rebound from Rhys Ifans.

Did I mention that Balthazar Getty is married? Now Sienna can add homewrecker to her resume.

Reports have Getty and Miller slinking around Hollywood, trying not to be seen together. "They went to great pains to find a place where they thought nobody would find them," a source told News of the World. "They daren't go out together, so they spend most of their time inside. When they do leave, they go separately."

Meanwhile, Getty's wife Rosetta Millington, a fashion designer, has packed up their four kids and run crying to Italy.

It's also been alleged that Miller's apparent relationship with Matthew Rhys was a smokescreen for her activities with Getty. Apparently, Rhys is friends with Getty, and actually introduced him to Sienna last year.

Still want to deny being a slut Sienna?

Anne Hathaway is a Stoolie


A friend of jailed con artist Raffaelo Follieri has accused his ex-girlfriend Anne Hathaway of snitching on him.

"It makes sense," the friend told the New York Daily News. "She's referred to as his former girlfriend in the indictment even though her spokesman never confirmed they broke up.

"I think that in return for her cooperation, the feds held off on arresting Follieri until she was out of the country."

Clearly, that was a love for the ages Anne and Raffaelo had going. Look at the way she stuck beside him no matter what. Ha! Bitch cared more about her career than she ever did for that dirtbag. I can't say I blame her...men are a dime a dozen, but big-time Hollywood acting gigs aren't. Turn the pig in, disappear for awhile until the heat dies down, then get on with life. If the shoe had been on the other foot, believe me, Raffaelo would've ratted Anne out in a heartbeat.

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