What is Michael Lohan doing sniffing around Jessica Simpson? Apparently he's given up hope of further exploiting Lindsay, who is interested only in Sam Ronson's Bermuda Triangle - so now he's targeted floundering Jessica as a potential partner in some kind of scheme involving Vitamin Water. His email to Jessica's people:
I had [a] meeting with the Vitamin Water inventors and my investors last night. And that's where you come in . . . When we spoke, it was to attach Jessica as a spokesperson for the new vitamin-infused beverage line.
This makes perfect sense to me - Michael Lohan latching on to Jessica Simpson. Clearly he's disappointed in how Lindsay turned out (and probably blames it on Dina). If Michael had a perfect daughter in mind, she would be nothing like independent-minded lesbian Lindsay, and everything like sad, pitiful, compliant Jessica. Michael probably envies Papa Joe - the control Joe exerts over Jessica's life and career...not to mention the free feels he gets to cop at every turn. Wouldn't shock me to see Michael have Joe bumped off and slide right in. That might not be bad for Jessica either. I mean, where's she going with this country thing? And the bad movies? Michael would remake her entirely, get her back doing naughty pop songs, maybe cast her in a horror movie. And under no circumstances would he allow her to have any contact with lesbians. They are his mortal enemies.
