She Likes Them Older And Freakier

Evan Rachel Wood was seen making out with The Wrestler co-star Mickey Rourke at a SAG Awards after-party Sunday according to FoxNews. Evidently, Evan's little relationship with Marilyn Manson left her with a jones for a real man. So she picked Mickey. Who I guess qualifies as a real man if you leave out his face, which is decidedly not real. I give Evan points for originality at least: Most little starlets go for the same dudes, Josh Hartnett and Ryan Phillippe and that whole gang, but Evan, she likes sniffing around the freak-jobs. When she's done with Mickey she'll probably go find herself a one-armed carnie or maybe go lesbo for Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Match Made in Heaven

Mischa Barton and Josh Hartnett allegedly hooked up after running into each other at London's Bungalow 8 club last night. "The OC star spent a good hour writhing in front of Josh at the bar...and must have made an impression as they both headed back to his hotel at the end of the night," says The Daily Mail. Mischa held her piss for an hour so she could let go in Josh's face. She's cool like that. These two are perfect for each other if you ask me. Neither of them is the least bit interesting and neither has done anything worthwhile as an actor. They should get married and have lots of boring, untalented babies.

Josh Hartnett and Rumer Willis?

Josh Hartnett has fucked all the attractive women in Hollywood and now moved on to Rumer Willis. I had no idea Josh was into bestiality.

Witnesses say Josh and Chinzilla were getting cozy together at the Beatrice Inn. "Josh and Rumer were hanging out all night," a source told the Enquirer. So the mickey Rumer slipped him was a long-laster. Didn't wear off till morning. Imagine the horror, waking up and seeing Rumer there in the bed next to you. I'd rather wake up next to a Cloverfield.

If the Cloverfields ever attacked us for real, we could just send Rumer in there to scare them off.

Sienna Miller Likes Men

Sienna Miller has dumped Jamie Burke (at least for the time being), and has been going around instead with Edge of Love co-star Matthew Rhys.

The Daily Mail says Miller and Rhys were together at a pub in Notting Hill last night, then went to a place called La Cantina for an "intimate" dinner. Then it was off to the nearest alley for a shag.

The Mail also says that Sienna was seen "getting cozy" with former boyfriend Josh Hartnett at the nightclub Paper after the Glamour awards the other night. Meanwhile, Sienna says she can't understand why people think she's a slut:

People say the most horrible things to me like 'slut' and 'slag', and it upsets me because I'm not like that. ... I've never had a one night stand in my life. I've been in a relationship more or less for the past five years, since I was 20, and sometimes people forget this. ... I know how to let it go over my head a lot, but then sometimes you do question why people are saying it. But it's not true.

For it to be a one-night-stand, Sienna, it actually has to last one night. Randomly fucking strangers in subway cars and underneath overpasses doesn't even rise to the level of a one-night-stand.

Slag.

(source)

Josh Hartnett Is A Pussy

Is Josh Hartnett Mr. Chivalry or Mr. Dickhead? Going by a recent report in Page 6 we might've chosen the former. In this account, Harnett and his friends were at some Lower East Side dive called the Whiskey Bar when, allegedly, a young woman was mistreated, prompting Hartnett to come adorably to her defense. Now, however, some other witnesses have come forward, and their version of events that evening differs from the initial characterization. In the new story, Hartnett was at the bar with some rowdy asshole pals and a couple of girls. One girl got pushed, and Hartnett and his pals started ragging the guy who did it. Apparently the situation was defused, by Hartnett, before it got out of hand. But, by this new account, Josh's drunken friends ended up jumping some guy later - maybe the same guy who pushed the girl, maybe not - and threw him to the ground and kicked him while supposed good-guy Josh stood there watching. Reps for Hartnett say Josh actually did try intervening in the situation, and friends of his claim another other group of guys were the ones who caused all the trouble. But other witnesses say Josh's buddies were the cause of all the mayhem.

So what do we think? Is Josh Hartnett a cool guy or a punk-ass? Does he run with a bunch of rowdies who, when they start trouble in bars, cause Josh to get all worried about his image and start stammering like a little puss? "Hey guys, cut it out. I'm gonna get in trouble. Guys..." You know, in a little whiny voice like a nerd getting kicked by footballs players. "Cut it out. Stop it. Guys, come on." Yeah, I think that's Hartnett all over. Just look at him. He wants to be all tough and hard but, come right down to it, he's a little sniveling bitch.

Armani Men

Let's play a little game of who's the hottest (with pics from last night's Armani Oscar celebration):

Contestant Number 1 - Clive Owen:

Crabbie loves Clive - he's half a caveman, yet still strangely elegant. Ooh, but is he getting a little paunchy?

Contestant Number 2 - Josh Hartnett:

All right Josh, here's the deal - if you're gonna go casual, go casual. The jeans are fine, but um - the jacket? Why does it look like it's about to stab you in the chin? It almost seems like Josh showed up at the party with his regular old rolled-out-of-bed duds on, and somebody said he needed a jacket, and this was all there was. I want to believe that anyway. Unfortunately, I have a sneaking hunch Josh picked this out for himself. It makes him look like a waiter for the undead.

Contestant number 3 - Leonardo DiCaprio:

See Josh? That's how you do dressed-up-but-not-too-dressed-up. No tie. Unbuttoned collar (but no chest-hair showing). Little chin-stubble. Leo wins.

Harnett Meets Blair

Josh Hartnett tries his laser-vision on Tony Blair. Push a little harder Josh. Come on. Just a little harder...

Uh-oh. I think Josh may need his undies changed.

Josh Hartnett Cuts His Own Hair, Shops At Sears

Here's hottie Josh Hartnett, looking like he cuts his own hair and buys his clothes at Sears.

What? Are you serious? Josh Hartnett actually does cut his own hair and buy his clothes at Sears?

No wonder women like Scarlett Johansson and Gisele Bundchen are all over this guy. Who can resist a man who takes a nail-scissors to his own lettuce whenever needs a trim, and shuns top designer threads because he prefers whatever's on-sale on the Van Heusen rack? That's a man's man there. I bet this guy even changes his own oil, and laces up his own boots, and wipes his own ass.

Wipes his own ass? And he's in Hollywood? They must think he's a freak!

Josh Hartnett's New Main Squeeze

Hunky Josh Hartnett has apparently found a replacement for former girlfriend Scarlett Johansson. She's an actress too, and her name is Amber Sainsbury. She and Josh have been working on a movie together, 30 Days of Night. Sources say they spent two days hunkered down at a hotel recently, but Josh's rep says they're "just friends." Which of course means they've been fucking like a couple of wild beasts.

It's nice to see Josh picking himself up off the matt so soon after the Scarlett deal, which apparently got rather ugly toward the end. I personally never thought Scarlett was a good match for him. He seems like a rather down-to-earth sort of fellow, while Scarlett appears more wrapped up in living the movie-star lifestyle. I hope this new girl is more of a regular gal than Scarlett (and I hope she doesn't have a thyroid problem, as the picture above would suggest).

Scarlett and Josh Headed for Splitsville?

Reports are circulating that sexy star couple Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett are having problems, and may be heading for the big splitteroo.

"They are on the rocks," says a source close to the handsome duo. "Scarlett is always mad at him, and they are always arguing."

Sources close to Crabbie (the ones that live in my mind) say Scarlett is a hooer whose announcement that she gets AIDS tested twice a year should've been a hint. And they also say that Josh Hartnett is a hunky hunky man who needs to consider switching over to the other team for awhile, to find out what real lovin' is about (seriously, Josh - they're only boobs).

Johansson and Hartnett Get a Place. Woody Allen Stands Out Front in the Rain.

Big-boobed Scarlett Johansson and just-plain-boob Josh Hartnett, romantically linked for awhile now, have apparently decided to take the plunge - no, not that plunge; I mean the one into mutual home-ownership (which once upon a time meant they had already taken the other plunge, but these being the times they are, it only means the two of them are sick of restaurant bathrooms). The loft, located in New York's uber-hip TriBeCa (you know it's uber-hip because Robert De Niro lives there - yeah right!), set the pair back six-million smackers, and for that amount of money it's no surprise Scarlett put in a little request to the building's owners - that they add a little extra sound-proofing to the bedroom. Scarlett, you naughty girl, what exactly were you thinking of doing in that bedroom? On second thought, don't tell me. I'd rather not think of the pounding poor Josh is going to take from those cannonballs of yours. Honestly, if I live to be a thousand, I'll never see the appeal. I mean think about it boys - your mom has a pair of those. Liza Minnelli has them. Fricking Nancy Grace has them. So how great can they really be?

(source)