For God's Sake, Help Him Kate

Kate Hudson needs to sit Alex Rodriguez down and talk to him about his fashion choices. "We never, ever take our sweatshirt off and tie it around our waist. Ever."

Wait, is that Ryder? Holy shit did she cut his hair finally? Maybe A-Rod's a good influence after all.

Mucking Through

I'm not getting much of a buddy-buddy vibe off Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway as they go about flogging their silly Bride Wars thing. Mostly I get a "we tolerate each other for business reasons" feel. Anne is clearly a much hotter prospect right now, a fact Hudson no doubt resents bitterly. And Anne probably fancies herself a serious artiste who is slumming in this thing and hates that she has to be around a frivolous twat like Hudson. Basically, they despise each other.

At Least It Ain't Owen Wilson Again

Kate Hudson has a new man and by "new" I mean "not Owen Wilson." The guy's name is Adam Scott and he's described as an Australian golfing star. And now he's sticking it to a movie star no one can ever remember making a good movie. Congrats to him.

Slag Wars

I wouldn't see Bride Wars under any circumstances. They could strap me down and prop my eyes open with some kind of Clockwork Orange contraption and run the thing in front of me and I'd find some way to leave my body so I wouldn't actually have to experience it. Is there any surer sign that a movie is going to reek than the presence of Kate Hudson in the cast? And what's with Anne Hathaway? I get the idea of paycheck work but damn...she's like the hottest thing walking the planet right now (I'm told) and this is the kind of shit she chooses to wallow in? She picks parts about as well as she picks boyfriends, apparently.

Kidnapper

Does Kate Hudson know Will Ferrell has her kid? Moms - would you trust Will Ferrell with your child? Dads - would you trust yourself with Kate Hudson? Green sweatpants?

Kate Hudson Watch

I've got Kate Hudson in the Who Will John Mayer Fuck Next pool. After the Aniston debacle, Mayer will want to soften his image by having some pics taken with a kid. Unless he plans on kidnapping one or trying to pry Jennifer Garner away from Ben Affleck, I say he hooks up with Hudson.

Hair Thief

Kate Hudson and her hair stylist David Babaii are being sued for allegedly stealing a secret hair care product formula from a company they were once involved with. The suit says Hudson and Babaii entered into a verbal agreement with 220 Laboratories to market some wacky volcanic ash based hair crap, but the second 220 gave them the formula, they ran off with it and shopped it around in search of a better deal. That's good business sense right there. Of course Hudson's reps are denying she even knew anything about the deal. Their statement:

Kate and her attorneys are only just learning of the complaint, as Kate has not yet been served. Kate does not know the plaintiffs and has never met with them or spoken with them. Her representatives believe that the claims are baseless and without merit and intend to vigorously defend the lawsuit.

Kate should figure out some way to milk this for publicity. Cause God knows she could use some. It also wouldn't hurt for her to make a halfway decent movie.

No Lance

Kate Hudson doesn't look that upset to be without Lance Armstrong...but maybe that's the old brave face deal. Armstrong, it's being reported, dumped Kate because she was too needy. I never saw Hudson as the clingy sort, but maybe. She has a cute ass, so, you know she won't be single long. Plus Hollywood types love hooking up with moms. It's good for a young, single guy's image to be seen looking paternal.

Over Already

Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson have broken up. Damn it! I only just started not caring about them and already they're finished. Does nothing last in this world anymore?

"There was no drama or ugliness – They just decided to end things," a source said of the break-up. "There is no hatred, just sadness."

Not too much sadness though. Not enough to start drinking or fucking around wildly. Maybe Kate will hit up Owen Wilson for old time's sake but she'll soon be on to someone else. And Lance? The world's full of fuck-happy singers/actresses so he'll be fine.

Armstrong Nicked Up

Lance Armstrong got a little nicked up. He might've fallen off his bicycle. Or maybe Kate Hudson beat the crap out of him.

Is there some significance to their flip-flops? Some kind of color-code? A distress signal sent out to other irrelevant dopes?

No Juice

The Kate Hudson/Lance Armstrong story has no juice whatsoever. They're both just blah. At least when Armstrong was allegedly screwing the one Olsen twin (I forget which one it was now), there was a little cringe factor to work with. But if he dates Hudson...so what? They're so dull together that I could easily see them getting married and being happy.

Dax Shepard Pops a Wheelie

This is how Dax Shepard lands hot women like Kate Hudson and Kristin Bell...he does tricks for them on his bike. You know how chicks dig that stuff.

I give Dax a lot of credit...not every heterosexual man would be comfortable wearing an outfit like that. Dax is clearly not concerned about the impression something like that might give. Plus he understands how those tight bike shorts perfectly accentuate the package.

Photographic Evidence of Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson's Relationship

There you go...Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are a couple. Owen Wilson is, even as we speak, reaching for the rat poison.

Don't do it Owen! You have so much to live for! There are tons of chicks you haven't banged yet!

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong

Now we know why Kate Hudson broke up with Owen Wilson...she was too busy shagging Lance Armstrong.

Armstrong, who was last linked with Ashley Olsen aka The Almost-Normal One, reportedly had dinner with Hudson Friday and Saturday night in Austin. The second night they ate at the Hula Hut with an entire entourage in tow.

"They came in with the kids and a large group of people," says a source. "They ordered dinner – tacos, burgers and fries and that sort of stuff."

Pictures have yet to surface of Hudson and Armstrong together...but I hope that when they do the police will have the good sense to close off any bridges near Owen Wilson.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson Break Up. Wait...They Were Together?

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have apparently broken up again. This news stunned me...because I hadn't realized they were actually together.

Clearly, these two are each other's crack. They want to get clean but they just can't stop going back for more. Unfortunately, every time their relationship goes bad, Owen ends up a babbling wreck with a bottle of pills in one hand and a dull razor in the other.

Hopefully this time Owen will be able to just let her go. I mean, honestly...is she that hot? I guess her booty is pretty tight...but come on. It's only a booty. Plenty of that walking around.

Kate Hudson's Hair is Blue

Owen Wilson squirts blue slushy-syrup from his dick.

Clean Matthew, Dirty Kate

I don't like Matthew McConaughey all cleaned-up and shaved and dressed like a normal person. I want Matthew the natural man. Matthew the guy who looks like he just washed up on the beach, picked the seaweed from his hair and staggered off to find a human woman to mate with. Nice package-emphasizing pose there Matthew, by the way. And what exactly are you wearing on your feet there? Blue soles?

Kate Hudson I couldn't care less about. She's an uninteresting tramp. I would've x'ed her sorry face out but I'm too lazy today.

Dirty Hippies Out A-Walkin'

This picture makes me want to throw a big bucket of pig feces. Go back to Woodstock you filthy hippies!

Ryder: "I want a pretty dress like that."

Kate: "But you're a boy honey."

Ryder: "I am?"

Kate Hudson And Heath Ledger?

Kate Hudson and Heath Ledger were seen making out at the Beatrice Inn Thursday night according to Page 6's vaunted spies. A rep for Hudson denies the report however, saying:

This is absolutely untrue. They ran into each other and chatted briefly, but that was the extent of it.

Why the sudden modesty Kate? You had no problem sucking face with Dax Shepard in the middle of a supermarket, but now you're shooting down rumors that you played tonsil hockey with Heath Ledger? I should think you'd be happy to be linked with Ledger - he's certainly a step up from Dax and Dane Cook and whatever other hunks of Grade A doofus you've been rumored to be with lately.

You wouldn't be experiencing a sudden attack of remorse, would you Kate? Over the fact that poor Owen is still suffering while you're out there acting like a liquored up college freshman on her first trip to Mardi Gras? Think how out of his mind with despair Owen must be Kate - he's shacking up with Jessica Simpson for Christ's sake. If that isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.

(source)

Kate Hudson Is A Dude

There are some serious gender-identity issues going on within the Kate Hudson family. Her kid Ryder probably thinks he's a girl because Kate won't cut his hair. And now...this pic of Kate, which makes the Crabster think, "Dang, that's a hot-looking man. I'd be all over that if I weren't old and fat and lazy and no longer able to get an erection without employing pharmaceuticals."