Still Not Over Sienna

The ghost of Sienna Miller's pussy continues to haunt Rhys Ifans. The phantom made Ifans go insane at girlfriend Kimberly Stewart's birthday party and pick a fight with a guy he thought was looking at Kim. "Fuck off," the eloquent Ifans raged. "Don't touch my bird! Let's take this outside, you think you're a big man?" Security broke it up before things went too far. A pissed off Kimberly chastised Rhys, saying, "Fucking calm down. I've had enough of this shit, Rhys, don't do this. It's my birthday, stop acting like you're 12." He needs an exorcism or perhaps a nice ass-kicking.

Jennifer Denies Kimberly Stewart Story

Jennifer Aniston's reps are denying the hilarious story about her ordering Kimberly Stewart thrown out of a John Mayer concert after Kim started flirting with Mayer. That story is one of those that, even if the particulars of it aren't true, the spirit of it is. You know Aniston is this horrible jealous sort who turns into a monster any time anyone treads on her turf. And you know Stewart will throw herself at anyone remotely famous. And you know John just loves standing back and watching these bitches fight over him.

Jealous Jennifer Ejects Smitten Stewart

Jennifer Aniston is showing her true colors again...primarily the greener shades.

It all happened while Aniston's boyfriend John Mayer was warming up before his Hyde Park gig in London on Sunday: Kimberly Stewart, the slutty daughter of public boob-licker Rod, wormed her way backstage and began sniffing around the lady-killing faux-bluesman. Love-crazed Aniston caught sight of trampy Stewart and nearly went through the roof.

"John and Kim know each other from clubbing in LA, but Jennifer doesn't want anyone around who reminds her that he used to be a player," a source told The Mirror.

"She has fallen head over heels for John, but she's scared it will all go wrong again.

"Another woman stole her man before when Angelina Jolie started dating Brad Pitt - she couldn't bear it to happen again."

John did the only thing he could...ask security to chase Kimberly away. One fleeting whiff of John's irresistible man-musk was not enough for Stewart however. Ten minutes later she was back at the side of the stage taking pictures and taunting Aniston.

"[Kimberly] had been told twice by security that she would be removed but she stood there bold as brass," the source reported.

"Jennifer was on the opposite side of the stage and John felt like piggy-in-the-middle.

"He saw the tension and told his bouncers to get rid of [Stewart] at all costs.

"Kim was pulled off the stage and escorted through the Hard Rock VIP tent with a face like thunder, shouting: 'Why doesn't he want me here? Is this because of her?'

"She totally embarrassed herself, but Jen looked relieved."

A question: Why would Aniston behave so jealously if she didn't have fears that John was one good poon-sniff away from dumping her for good? She knows perfectly well what Mayer is. This situation is going to deteriorate in a hurry.

Ah, sweet carnage.

Jude Law is Hosing Kimberly Stewart

Jude Law's stock is dropping faster than Lindsay Lohan's pants in a truck-stop restroom. I mean seriously...Kimberly Stewart? That's what he's reduced to? Making out with a brainless celebuspawn at a nightclub?

Sure, Sienna Miller is a piece of trash...but at least she's a semi-legitimate celebrity who's been in a few movies. But Kimberly Stewart? She might as well be Peaches Geldof for God's sake.

Jude...I know you'll sleep with just about anything, but damn man. If you're not going to respect yourself at least respect the rest of us. Find yourself some cokehead model or a singer in some trendy alternative rock band. Don't make us feel sorry for you on an even deeper level than we already do.

Another Posh Wannabe

Kimberly Stewart has jumped on the Posh-wannabe bandwagon. Obviously she doesn't have what it takes to be Posh: For one thing, she's smiling. And for another thing she seems at least vaguely human.

Sorry Kim. Maybe next time.

Kimberly Stewart May Perhaps Be High Here...

Either that or she's doing her best Keanu.

(Is that Matrix Keanu or Point Break Keanu? Cause I always liked Point Break better. Patrick Swayze and all...)

New Couple: Tommy Lee And Kimberly Stewart

Tommy Lee was seen slipping out of the Pink Taco opening last week with Kimberly Stewart aka Daddy's Little Girl. And it looks like Tommy liked whatever Kim did for him, cause they've been seen hitting the town together since then. Well, I guess Kim isn't very particular about what goes inside her vagina. She'd probably be better off just dipping a vibrator in a vat of exotic bacteria if you ask me.

Rod Stewart's A Good Dad. Oh, Obviously...

Penny Lancaster, the woman who is about to marry geriatric pop singer Rod Stewart, says her husband-to-be is a great dad to their son Alastair. This must come as shocking news to Rod's other children, all of whom were completely fucked up by him.

Penny herself acknowledges that maybe Rod wasn't as hands-on with his other kids as he should've been, but says this is not the case with Alastair:

I know he wishes he’d had more time with his other kids when they were growing up, but he was working and he needed the work more than he does now.

At this stage in life he’s able to spend more time with the family. It used to be all rock ‘n’ roll and it didn’t sit so well to walk around with a pram. But he’s achieved so much in his career he doesn’t have to keep up that image.

Now pushing a pram isn’t the embarrassing thing he thought it was, it’s something to be very proud of.

I think the biggest difference between Alastair and the other children is not having a nanny from the start, and actually just being with Daddy. It’s normally when you’ve got people to help that you hand a lot of things over to them. So it’s been good to be just the three of us.

Now, if I have to be away from Rod, he’s like, "Of course I’ll miss you darling, but Alastair - just to see that face and not have his arms wrapped round my leg." It’s such an attractive quality to see him being a father.

There you have it guys - Rod Stewart neglected his kids because he didn't think pushing a pram was cool. This is how we end up with people like Rod's son Sean, who was recently accused of getting crazy after a party and attacking an innocent couple in a van. Sean has had a few things to say about Rod's parenting skills too:

I love my dad, but a lot of celebrity children grow up fucked up because our parents are out of town a lot and it makes us feel unwanted. Being Rod Stewart's son is a curse and a hindrance.

Not spending your life as a whining bitch might help Sean. And when you get done working on yourself, you might inform that sister of yours, Kimberly, that no one thinks she's hot. In fact, she makes people sick. Tell her to dress like a grown-up. And then tell that gog-eyed child-neglecting father of yours that even when he was a big star he sucked, and now that he's turned himself into a crooner, he sucks even worse.

(source)

Lindsay Lohan Having Sex With Kimberly Stewart?

Here's a picture of Lindsay Lohan and Kimberly Stewart at the Coachella Valley Music Festival. Gosh, they're pressed awful tight together. You don't think they could be having sex do you?

Oh my God - Lindsay Lohan is having sex with Kimberly Stewart!

Which is more revolting, the above picture, or this one of Kimberly and ex Cisco Adler?



And here's one of Lindsay and Cisco:



And just to cleanse your minds, here's one of two rhinos having sex:

World's Grossest Couple Reunites

Kimberly Stewart and Cisco Adler got cozy the other night at a Details magazine party at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. So does this mean the former couple is getting back together? God I hope not. One or the other alone is bad enough, but the two of them together? That's like a perfect storm of grossness. Seriously, even Pam Anderson and Kid Rock weren't that revolting. I mean, even if I tried as hard as I could, I doubt I could imagine two people who made me sicker...



Uh, I take that back.

Holy God, what is with that hair? It looks like lightning took a shit on his head. God Mario - I know it's great to be gay, but do you have to be that gay?

(source)