This Is Her "I'm About To Fuck Jude Law" Face

Cameron Diaz was spotted over the weekend in a London nightspot partying with Jude Law. The Daily Mail says the two stars left through different exits, Law out the front with a "mystery woman." Clearly, the "mystery woman" was part of a ruse designed to make people think Jude and Cameron weren't scurrying off to a hotel somewhere to have wild chihuahua sex. I guess Cameron is done with that Sculfor dude, and Jude is done with Lindsay Lohan. For now, anyway.

Hopkins Odin

Anthony Hopkins will play Odin to Chris Hemsworth's Thor in the upcoming Kenneth Branagh-helmed adaptation of the Thor comic, reports The Hollywood Reporter's Heat Vision.

Jude Law, Samuel L. Jackson and Robert De Niro are also listed as cast-members on the film's IMDb page. Whether they will all end up in the movie, which isn't slated for release until 2011, is something only Odin or some other supernatural being could know.

For those not familiar with Norse mythology, Thor is a big dude with an axe - or maybe a hammer - who dresses like an Olsen twin and dispenses justice...or maybe just randomly hits people with his axe or hammer, I don't really know.

Okay, I admit, I'm not familiar with Norse mythology either. No one is, except someone who studied it in college, or read a lot of comic books.

I am, however, familiar with the films of Kenneth Branagh. They tend to be a tad overwrought and the actors tend to spit a lot. Which means Thor will probably be big and loud and sucky, but with lots of British accents and spitting.

The accents and spitting may be enough to fool some people into thinking they're seeing something better than Bloodrayne 2.

Get Bent, Ass

One man's death is another's opportunity. Tom Cruise wanted to turn Heath Ledger's death into an opportunity for himself - namely, to land a role in Terry Gilliam's Imaginarium of Dr. Whateverthefuck - but thankfully for everyone, Gilliam told Cruise no.

"I know there was a period when Tom's agents were keen," Gilliam explained. "The thing is, I was only interested in people who were friends of Heath. Simple as that. I wanted to keep it in the family."

So Gilliam ended up casting multiple actors, including Johnny Depp and Jude Law, to fill Ledger's shoes. Leaving Tom crying in his Niacin.

No Movie With The Word "Imaginarium" In The Title Can Possibly Be Good

Terry Gilliam has done another one of those funhouse movies he's so noted for. This is the one where Heath Ledger died partway through filming - bummer, that - and Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law came in to finish up for him (a Weekend at Bernie's deal being out of the question). People will see this because it's Ledger's last movie I guess...though hasn't the fascination with Ledger kind of worn off? Doesn't seem like people care that much anymore.

More Hat-And-Stache Fun

Now the hat-and-stache craze has gotten Jude Law. We need to get our top scientists on this thing right now. This epidemic has to be stopped. Yellow fever? Polio? Gayface? These are nothing compared to the Hat-and-Stache. This pestilence threatens the very fabric of our society. Why am I the only one who sees this? I feel like Kevin McCarthy at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. You're next!!!

Peacenik

Jude Law is in Kabul on a peace-promoting mission for the U.N. I'm not sure what Law's presence contributes to the cause but damn it, at least he's out there plugging away. He's one of those caring celebs like George Clooney and Hayden Panettiere. And, you know, if he gets in some chick's burqa while he's there, that's just a bonus.

(For any Just Jared or Perez Hilton fans who might stumble upon this post: Kabul is the capital of the country of Afghanistan, a place far away on the other side of the world where people live in earthen huts and scratch an existence from the cruel earth, and occasionally get the shit blown out of them by more powerful countries like America who are looking to satisfy the bloodlust of a populace that's blind to the evil imperialist policies that are actually to blame for things like 9/11. The poor Afghans go their whole lives without ever seeing a Rihanna video or eating a Hot Pocket. They do, however, grow most of the poppies that end up becoming the heroin you love so much.)

Getty and Miller in Italy

Sienna Miller is carrying on with Balthazar Getty. Mr. Getty, who is an oil heir besides an actor (Sienna wants to be the new Liz Hurley I think), denied the affair, and apparently flew to Italy to woo back his wife Rosetta who had fled there after news of his alleged infidelity broke.

All fine and good...except that, for whatever reason, Sienna herself showed up in Italy. Coincidence, or the most brazen act of dirtbaggery in history?

Adding spice to the story are reports of Sienna's rudeness at an Italian restaurant. She got so bad, says Page 6, that some people asked to move to a different table to get away from her.

I'm still trying to figure out what Sienna Miller ever did that she should have such a high opinion of herself. She was in a couple movies that no one saw, she fucked Jude Law, she wore some trampy outfits. Yeah? So has Lindsay Lohan. And Lindsay is at least amusing in a sad way. And she never insulted Pittsburgh (she's probably never heard of Pittsburgh).

Jude Law's New Love: Lily Cole

I know that looks like a mannequin next to Jude Law in the crowd at a Radiohead concert, but it is in fact model Lily Cole, the 20-year-old Law was fucking at last report (keeping in mind what a fluid situation Law's sex-life is). Jude will eventually go through every likely piece of semi-famous tail in the world, and work his way back to Sienna Miller. Then go round again.

Jude Law is Hosing Kimberly Stewart

Jude Law's stock is dropping faster than Lindsay Lohan's pants in a truck-stop restroom. I mean seriously...Kimberly Stewart? That's what he's reduced to? Making out with a brainless celebuspawn at a nightclub?

Sure, Sienna Miller is a piece of trash...but at least she's a semi-legitimate celebrity who's been in a few movies. But Kimberly Stewart? She might as well be Peaches Geldof for God's sake.

Jude...I know you'll sleep with just about anything, but damn man. If you're not going to respect yourself at least respect the rest of us. Find yourself some cokehead model or a singer in some trendy alternative rock band. Don't make us feel sorry for you on an even deeper level than we already do.

Links Links Links

USA Today interviews Harrison Ford. "What was that sonny? You need to speak up..."

Time-lapse video of a guy stuck in an elevator...for 41 hours. Thank God it's not in Smell-o-vision.

Why the polygamists should be stopped.

Top 10 Urination Scenes in Movie History.

Yale student makes herself pregnant then gives herself abortions...as an art project.

Jude Law is bald.

The world's oldest tree is in Sweden. It is almost 10,000 years old. Joan Rivers planted it.

British Homos Want To Screw Daniel Craig

A new survey of British fags (in other words all British men) finds that more of them want to screw James Bond star Daniel Craig than any other UK actor. James McAvoy came in second followed by Jude Law and Ewan McGregor.

British lesbians most desire Keira Knightley (blech), with Kate Winslet and Rachel Weisz placing second and third.

How would Prince Harry have done had they opened this survey up to include all celebs, not just actors? Oh, and what about David Beckham? He would've kicked Craig's ass I bet. Then fucked it.

(source)

Run Jude, Run

"I never should've had that ninth chalupa!"

Dude is totally bald.

Sienna And Rhys - Such A Lovely Couple

Rhys Ifans really seems to be enjoying his night out with girlfriend Sienna Miller. Or maybe it's the flash off someone's watch that has Rhys so entranced.

One person who's definitely not entranced - Jude Law. Reports say Jude was hot to get back together with Sienna, and was devastated to learn she was going out with his old pal Ifans instead.

Snooze you lose, Jude. Especially with Sienna. She switches men so fast...you gotta be quick.

Jude Law Says Pap-Attack Was A Set-Up

Jude Law has said his piece about being arrested last month for attacking a paparazzo. Basically, in Jude's estimation, the whole thing was set-up. Said Jude in a recent interview:

This chap basically set about provoking me and ended up swinging a camera at me and it all got a little nasty. We had a little bit of a set to and I go home, and next thing I know there's a knock on the door and it's the police and apparently he's asking for my arrest. They're really embarrassed because they know this thing is a set up.

Jude relates what happened after he arrived at the police station to be booked:

[The police] spy [him] out the window... with his camera, waiting for me to leave the station so that he can get another photo for the story. Luckily the policeman hides me in the back of his car... and drives me down the road and drops me off.

The pap, whose name has still not been released, denies Law's contention of course:

I was at a bus stop near Jude's house but I wasn't taking pictures of him. My camera was still in the bag. He was by himself when he recognised me and started accusing me of being a pedophile and that all I wanted to do was take pictures of his children. He then punched me in the face and started kicking me. I was shocked at his behavior.

I would tend to side with the pap on this one. The set-up scenario is just the kind of thing some slimy pathological liar actor sleazebag like Law would concoct to try and get himself off the hook. Fact is he acted like a hooligan. The photog's probably not the first person he's randomly attacked on the street either. Wouldn't surprise me a lick to find out Law had been going around knocking over old ladies. I don't know - he just seems like the type that would.

(source)

Jude Law Arrested

Bald closet homo Jude Law was arrested after he allegedly attacked a photographer outside his home in West London. The victim, whose name has been withheld, recounts the horror:

I was at a bus stop near Jude's house but I wasn't taking pictures of him. My camera was still in the bag. He was by himself when he recognised me and started accusing me of being a paedophile and that all I wanted to do was take pictures of his children. I was shocked at his behaviour.

Law was hauled in by police on suspicion of causing bodily harm and bailed.

Here's what I want to know - how come, any time one of these actors attacking paps incidents happen, the paps never try to fight back? It's always the same shit - some enraged star goes after the pap, the pap stands there and takes the beating, the star gets hauled in with a smirk on their face. Why, just once, couldn't the pap turn out to be some master of jujitsu who thrashes the living hell out of the arrogant pussy movie star, and then takes pictures of the dumb bastard lying on the ground bleeding from every known orifice? Wouldn't you like to see pics of Jude Law prostrate on the cement, covered in blood and vomit and piss, with his face swollen and blackened like a piece of old rotted fruit? I know I would.

(source)

Law And Diaz Only Friends

Hot bald actor Jude Law is denying that he and dog-face Cameron Diaz are in the midst of a fling. Said his spokesperson:

He hasn't seen her for months. They're friends but that's it.

So they haven't been hooking up since Jude came to L.A. to work on his new movie Repossession Mambo? That's disappointing - I was really hoping for some hot sex pics of Jude and Cameron. Guess I'll just have to settle for my fantasies of Jude naked and covered in oil on top of a black stallion.

(source)

Jude Law And Cameron Diaz Dating?

Jude Law and Cameron Diaz, pictured above in some movie called The Holiday that I've never seen and am never seeing, are reportedly an item in real-life now. Hollyscoop says Law is currently in the states, and that he and Cam have set up some "romantic" dates for this weekend. Reports an inside source:

Jude plans to take her on a series of dinner dates this week and just spend some time hanging out. Cameron and Jude really bonded while working together but now that friendship has turned to romance.

Dinner dates? Kind of funny, cause I always thought of Jude as more the knock her down and have your way with her type. Then again, Cameron's not exactly a push-over. She's got bigger arms than Jude, plus I'm pretty sure she carries a knife. It's probably a good idea for Jude to finesse this one - take her to dinner, then maybe slip something in her drink. Unconscious chicks are way easier to disarm.

(source)

Jude Dumps Hersov; Jessica Simpson In His Sights?

Jude Law has dumped his girlfriend of three months Kim Hersov, freeing him up to fuck his way around planet earth.

Shag-happy Jude made the Cannes Film Festival his first stop as a single man. He reportedly flirted with My Blueberry Nights co-star Norah Jones on the red-carpet, but Ms. Jones was said to be less than responsive. Then Jude allegedly "made a beeline for" Jessica Simpson at a party for the movie The Hands of Gods. Simpson was said to be smitten with Jude, who was originally reported to have snottily uttered, "What's she doing here," upon spying Simpson (so much for that). Later, Jude went to a Playboy party full of mostly-naked women, where he reportedly "enjoyed himself."

At the rate he's going, I expect Jude to have made his way through the entire Simpson family, including Papa Joe, within the next month, after which he will move on to Britney Spears, then Jamie Lynn, then Alli just for the hell of it. Then he'll slobber his way over to Hayden Panettiere, and having used her up and tossed her out, will stagger drooling toward Dakota Fanning before being shot with a dart loaded with elephant tranquilizer.

(source)

Poor Jessica

Jessica Simpson tends to overachieve when it comes to her boyfriends. Nick Lachey? John Mayer? Both were probably a notch or two above her on whatever scale we use to measure such things. So, it probably shouldn't be a surprise that newly-single Jessica is reaching for the stars again man-wise. This time, however, her target may be completely out of her range.

Jessica Simpson - don't snicker now - is smitten with Jude Law.

That's the very Jude Law, readers of this and other fine blogs know, who dissed Jessica last week at a Cannes Film Festival party. "What's she doing here?" Jude was heard to disdainfully utter upon spotting Jessica in the crowd.

Apparently, Jude, she was looking for you. And this is no little puppy-dog crush either. Jessica is serious. Said Jessica after encountering her dream man:

Jude's lovely - it was the first time I'd met him and he was very charming. I love the way he talks. His British accent and the way it makes him move his mouth are such a turn-on.

Jude, you dirty-dog. You did try to hit on her, just as I suggested when I blogged on your diss of her the other day. You charmed her with your accent and the way you move your mouth. Oh, but a few minutes before that you were wondering what someone of her ilk would be doing in such an inappropriate place. Jessica Simpson? Shouldn't she be slopping hogs or milking cows or walking around barefoot and knocked-up?

You really are a shameless creature, aren't you Jude? Bemoaning Jessica's presence one minute, putting the moves on her the next. Of course, we know you're not serious about her. All you want is one romp with her, just to see what those tits feel like with your face buried in them. It's not even attraction - it's just idle curiosity. "Well that was pleasant." And then she's dog-meat again, right you womanizing sociopathic greaseball?

(source)

Jessica Simpson In Cannes

Jessica Simpson is running around Cannes making a nuisance of herself. Basically, she's only there because the cameras are. Oh, and because there was a party last week for some dumb-ass movie she's going to be in. Stupid bitch actually thinks she's a movie-star. Because she pouted and stuck out her tits in the Dukes of Hazzard? All she does is pout and stick out her tits. It's all she knows how to do (besides defecate at awkward moments).

Simpson, apparently unbeknownst to her, has become a joke - and even the other stars know it. Reportedly, the other night at a Cannes party, Jude Law spotted Jessica and was overheard saying, "What's she doing here?" Just imagine Jude saying that in his snotty English accent. Of course, Jude then went and hit on Jessica, but that's another story. The point is that, if someone as lame as Jude Law is looking down on you, you might as well change your name to Kathy Griffin or Andy Dick and start looking for a lightpost to hump. Cause you be done.

(source)