This Michael Phelps character is lucky he can swim fast because if he had to get through life on looks he'd be clean fucked. Apparently Lindsay Lohan is hot to break her muff-diving streak with him despite his being the ugliest bastard this side of Richard Kiel...further proof that Lindsay has completely ruined her senses with booze, drugs and poon-juice. There's a rumor Carrie Underwood is also hot for him but she's a country chick so she's already had sex with loads of farm animals and is just looking to slightly upgrade. Another swimmer, some beastly-looking ho named Amanda Beard, reportedly almost puked when a reporter asked her if she was fucking Phelps. "Come on, I have really good taste," Beard said. "He's not really my type." Neither is the fake Bigfoot in the cooler probably. Phelps didn't just get wacked with the ugly stick...he got ass-raped with it.
