John Travolta's heinous Scientology-spewing, autistic-kid-killing wife Kelly Preston is set to star as Miley Cyrus's mom in a new "coming-of-age" movie called The Last Song. My advice to Miley's handlers - don't let Kelly have any alone-time with her, otherwise she will forget all about Jesus and start babbling about Xenu.You don't think the Scientologists are hot to land Miley Cyrus? You damn right they are. What a recruiting tool it would be for them to have Miley in the fold. Instead of Miley inspiring youngsters to become slutty, soulless materialists, she could inspire them to become self-righteous, soulless Niacin-freaks. Niacin forever!
Or, even worse, Kelly could take a maternal interest in Miley...and we know Kelly ain't exactly the world's greatest mom. We don't want Miley to wind up floating face-down in a bathtub like the retard, do we?
Um...don't answer that.
