Former make-out buddies Perez Hilton and John Mayer ain't so chummy anymore. In fact they're downright antagonistic, as demonstrated by the angry Twitter exchange that passed between the two over the last 24 hours. It all began with this Mayer tweet:@perezhilton's video statement is so long that by the end of it his cut healed.
The video statement referred to by Mayer was the one Perez posted in response to Will.I.Am's video in response to Perez's tweets claiming Will.I.Am punched him after the MuchMusic Awards, a claim that turned out to be completely false. My God I need a drink of water after that. Okay, back to the tweet war:
Perez to Mayer: That's real funny! Ha ha! And I'm sure you also think I "deserved" to get hit!
(Note that it took Perez a good 12 hours to concoct this retort)
Mayer: Not true. In fact I'd like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you'll have the situational awareness not to get in someone's face.
I also want to train you in an old martial art called "Never Call A Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu."
Perez: Dude, I get it. I GET IT. But it's not fucking funny to me. Karma would be me losing my site and going bankrupt or what have u.
Karma is NOT getting punched in the face!
Mayer: agreed. So let's meet up this week and I'll give you your first krav maga instruction. We'll break the event down and learn...
1. de-escalation tactics. 2.Creating distance. Instuctives ("get back!" placing the hand out) 3. Combined block and attack....
by understanding the genetics of a violent incident you can learn to avoid them. And if you can't, you will learn to end them.
Perez (complete moron): I can never tell if ur being sincere or not. It doesnt matter. Have Harley email me contact info for this so I can do on my own.
Mayer: this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.
Perez: I cant DM u and Im not trying to play this out publicly. B well. I dont wish u harm. I talk shit but I sincerely wish no 1 harm.
Mayer: from the heart, what you experienced these last 24 hrs is a profound lack of control. You can't blog the world, my friend.
Perez (still lost): I totally did experience a lack of control - on the part of Will.I.Am and his road manager! I agree with you 100%!
And people DO want to see me hurt. That's what I've been reading over and over again. But it's cool. I'll be back 2 normal tomm.
Mayer (wasting his time with this numbskull): people don't want to see you hurt, they want to see you experience something equalizing.
Perez: Once again, we agree! I live in my own world. And in my world, I would never punch someone. And in my world, that's illegal!
Also, in my world, if someone repeatedly talks shit about me, I ignore them or TALK as much shit back. But that's just me.
All I really care about in this world is doing right by my family and my dog, and sharing and listening to music.
Mayer: Yah, you're not getting it... OOH! OK. It's like the Matrix. You live in the Perez Matrix. You wrote the program, you can fly.
then you leave the Matrix, and oh, what the hell, you're not gonna get it. You're a sweet guy though.
you might have a gash on your face for a few more days, but the real healing? It's happening right now.
now you sit down behind that Tandy computer and you hash out a Doogie diary. Be sure to pause, think, and keep typing.
because today, the fourth wall came crashing down. Mario, you are human. I call upon Twitter to be kind to you. #perezisokbyme
Perez: I'm not human! I'm a monster! Good night, John Mayer.
Mayer: Good night Perez, you dumb shit.
And that, ladies and germs, is what happens when you try to talk sense to an egomaniac.
