Something incredibly fucked up happened in Toronto between Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am in the wee hours of Monday morning - and it was all documented on Perez's Twitter feed. The action took place at the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel in the wake of the MuchMusic awards, which featured Perez as a presenter. Everything seems fine in Perez's tweets...and then things take a turn toward the dark and bizarre:Done presenting. Did y'all like my outfit? I can get my drink on now. Yay! Having soooo much fun. MuchMusic rocks!!!
I'm dead! Dead! @LadyGaGa just KILLED it at the MuchMusic Awards. Her tits were on fucking fire!!! Epic. Epic. Epic.
Mission accomplished! I just got a picture with Taylor Lautner!!!! That one is for my fellow fangirls! Xoxo
Is there a gay bar that we can go to with GaGa now that like has a balcony or some place to have fun but be safe?
I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.
I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.
Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.
I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.
The Toronto police are here now. Thank you. Please stop calling them.
Thank u all from the bottom of my heart for ur concern. The police are investigating the assault now. I did the right thing by reporting it.
I won't be talking about this any further. It is in the hands of the authorities.
I am NOT going to let this affect my work. And today will be a day like any other on the website.
But wait, it gets even stranger (or more contrived and phony, depending on how jaundiced your view of humanity is): In the midst of Perez's Twitter whining and desperate calls for assistance, Will.I.Am himself started his own Twitter account to answer the allegations. Will.I.Am tweeted:
i just made a twitter account because it isnt cool for someone to blame you and blast you with lies...
perez hilton is a liar... http://dipdive.com/member/i...
That "dipdive" link takes you to a video of Will.I.Am refuting Perez's allegations, and accusing Perez of calling him a "faggot." Perez got wind of Will.I.Am's claims and tweeted this back at him:
There are multiple witnesses. You can deny all you want. The truth is the truth and I am telling the truth.
This smells slightly hoaxy, but I want it to be true so badly that I'm going to assume it is until someone comes out and admits it's not. And if it is true, I have only one question: what the fuck kind of shameless, pathetic attention-whore tweets that they've been assaulted and asks their followers to call the police? I knew Mario was low, but I didn't know how low.
Oh, and by the way, that commercial where Bob Dylan hands Will.I.Am the sunglasses? Whoever conceived that should be forced to live out his days in Perez Hilton's colon.
