The truth is coming out about Perez Hilton's alleged scrum with Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas. First of all, it turns out Will.I.Am wasn't the one who punched Perez - it was the Black Eyed Peas' general manager Polo Molina, who frankly looks like the kind of person who would punch a homosexual in the face at a hotel in Toronto in the middle of a night. Molina has already turned himself in to the police, who have charged him with assault. Meanwhile, Perez continues running around playing the victim, even posting a tearful, over-acted video on his site.I would love to buy into Perez's righteous indignation and appeal for non-violence on behalf of himself and all the oppressed masses of the earth (including, I'm assuming, the Iran protesters) but I can't because, well, he lied. He said in his tweets that Will.I.Am punched him, but Will.I.Am didn't punch him, someone in Will.I.Am's posse punched him. Clearly, Perez wanted to play his misfortune for publicity, and thought tweeting "Will.I.Am punched me" would have more impact than "Will.I.Am's thuggish general manager punched me." Will.I.Am should sue Perez for defamation.
Actually, my favorite outcome for this would be for Will.I.Am and Perez to get locked inside Spencer and Heidi's torture hut for a few days, but I never get my wishes, especially when they involve people I hate dying. God hates me. But not as much as He hates Perez's face.
