The Crabster got suckered into seeing The Bourne Ultimatum, the third in Matt Damon's idiot trilogy based on Robert Ludlum books so lame I wouldn't even use them to prop up a busted couch. I should've known better after the horrific experience of the first two Bourne movies, but I was bored so I figured what the fuck?
Bad idea.
Here's the problem with this movie - the cutting is so fast you can't even tell what the hell is going on half the time. I honestly think that you have to be a tad epileptic to even appreciate this film. Or maybe just hopped up on something. Anyway, I was bored stiff by it, because at no point did it really allow me to become immersed in its potboiler narrative (which probably sucked anyway).
The only good thing about this movie was Joan Allen, who always amuses me because she dresses snappily and I keep waiting for her to get sucked up her own asshole. Matt Damon doesn't do much for me though - he's like a Downsy Leo DiCaprio. He tries to indicate intensity by raising one eyebrow really high; I keep waiting for the eyebrow to creep all the way up under his hairline and disappear. He plays this violent secret-agent-type guy who's searching for his true identity, but I quit caring about this storyline about five minutes into the first Bourne movie, which was only good because it had all sorts of Mini Coopers in it and a German chick sidekick for Damon who I liked because I knew she could've easily kicked that little Boston pansy's ass.
