Tom Cruise has risen to the highest level of enlightenment within the sham that is Scientology, meaning he is now qualified to perform weddings. And billionaire and Scientology benefactor James Packer has already procured Mr. Cruise's marrying services for when he weds girlfriend Erica Baxter on France's Cote d'Azure this Wednesday - so that's what your billions buy you now, Tom Cruise as the presiding minister at your wedding. Perhaps Tom should consider a full-time career change, given the box-office from some of his recent movies.
How exactly, you may be asking, does one achieve the highest level in Scientology? I suspect you merely buy your way into it, but according to Scientology itself, it involves studying the "Advanced Levels" which reportedly contain the "Hidden Truth" about the nature of the universe. So secret is this truth that it may only be revealed on the high seas, aboard a cruise ship called Freewinds (or on the web - thanks Renee). Having learned this truth, a Scientologist becomes an Operating Thetan. So Tom Cruise has learned the hidden truth about the universe, but is not allowed to reveal it, because to release this truth into common knowledge would cause it to become "contaminated." We won't need to worry about Tom spilling I don't think - he seems wholly committed to this particular lunacy. I personally can't help but snicker at the idea of the true nature of the universe being revealed to the phony little pipsqueak who was in Top Gun. Of all the humans to be chosen as a vessel for such knowledge...
