Tom Cruise is breaking an endless string of serious dramas by starring in a new Ben Stiller comedy, which will require him to be bald and fat. The bald part is being handled with a cap, but the fat part is all Tommy. Note from the pic how it was necessary to give Tom a fake hairy chest. Tom's actual chest is smooth and hairless as a baby's butt. And he doesn't wax it either.
This is all part of an obvious attempt by Tom to soften his image. He doesn't want us seeing him as the little joyless tyrant he truly is, so now he's going to show us his "funny side." Only problem is, Tom doesn't have a funny side. In order to have one, you have to occasionally be able to step back from life and chuckle at it all, but as we know, Tom is one of those people who has to be intensely engaged in everything at all times, grinding away at life like a machine. He lacks the ability to detach from stuff and just breathe. And without that, you can't ever learn to be really funny.
