The producers of How I Met Your Mother have come up with a brilliant idea to raise money for charity - they're going to auction off the clothes Britney Spears wore when she appeared on the show.
Each item of Britney's show-worn clothing will come with a special letter informing the purchaser how to properly care for the item. It reads:
Congratulations! You are the proud owner of an article of clothing worn by Britney Spears when she appeared on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. We hope you enjoy your historic garment. Here are a few tips to help you maintain your new treasured possession, so that you and your descendants may enjoy it for years to come.
1. DO NOT machine-wash your garment. Gentle hand-washing with soap will be adequate
2. DO immediately spray the garment down with the strongest insecticide you can get. You may have to go military grade. It's available on the black-market. Just email pablo123@stuffyoushouldnthave.com. This is for your own safety. Those little buggers bite.
3. DO NOT expose the garment to fire. Britney's residual oils will cause it to explode with the force of a half-megaton bomb.
4. DO store the garment in a safe, climate-controlled environment, away from moths, humidity and sick perverts who will try to steal it and sew it into their own skin.
5. DO NOT allow your kids to touch, smell, taste or even look at the garment. Otherwise THEY WILL DIE.
6. DO feel free to employ the garment as a poop-rag. Trust us...it already has been.
7. DO NOT make a flag out of the garment and fly it in your front lawn. People will think you're nuts.
8. DO brag to all your friends that you have a piece of Britney Spears' clothing. You hate them anyway, and it will be a great relief when they no longer want to speak to you.
9. DO NOT allow the garment to fall into enemy hands. The chemicals they could extract from it would allow them to create a weapon so terrible it would make the Death Star look like a pea-shooter.
10. DO get a grip on reality. I mean, I know it's for charity...but you just bought Britney Spears' shirt. Dude, you are laaaaame.
