Wednesday, March 19, 2008

People Magazine Thinks You're Dying to See Jennifer Lopez's Twins


They're here ... and they're cute! Check back Thursday morning at 7 a.m. ET as PEOPLE.com unveils a world exclusive: Jennifer Lopez's babies on the cover of this week's PEOPLE magazine.

Um...I'm supposed to get up at 7 in the fucking morning to click on People.com and see Jennifer Lopez's tit-monkeys? I don't think so.

10 Things I'd Wake Up at 7 in the Morning to Do Before I'd Wake Up to See J-Ho's Twins:

1. Kill myself.
2. Kill everyone else around me.
3. Perform penis surgery on myself.
4. Watch Rachael Ray.
5. Listen to Perez Hilton explain the Theory of Relativity.
6. Eat a big bowl of monkey feces.
7. Have sex with Bill O'Reilly.
8. Have tea with Keira Knightley.
9. Have breakfast with Rachael Ray, Keira Knightley and Heather Mills.
10. Sniff vag.