Miley Cyrus is trying to hypnotize me with her eyes. "Buy my records. See my movies. Watch my TV show. No I'm not having sex with a 20-year-old underwear model. I swear on my father's deceased mullet. Now stop talking about it and buy my shit. Buy two of everything. I swear to God I'm a virgin. My dad says it doesn't count if the guy pulls out. Damn I'm one freaky little bitch. I swear to God I've never been ejaculated on by a Jonas Brother. They're all gay, don't you know?"
