Cry Me A River, Bitch

Oh no! Angelina Jolie has jet-lag from flying all over the world on her vital missions of publicity mercy! "I woke up at 3 in the morning with four kids with jet lag and two babies," Jolie sobbed after a recent appearance. "I put myself together for a few hours and go out. And then I go home. This is my job." Oh, so it's your "job" to accumulate kids like Andy Dick rings up misdemeanor charges. Gosh Angie, you're so committed. A round of applause for Angie the most dedicated, caring individual in the world. I'm starting to tear up here. By the way, Angie - have you seen Shiloh lately? Oh my God! She's probably being sold to a sex-slave ring even as we speak!
Somebody stake out Gary Glitter's place. And keep an eye on Donald Trump too - I don't trust that purse-lipped fucker.