Gwyneth Paltrow is the only being on earth wise and experienced enough to handle preparations for Thanksgiving dinner. Thankfully, Gwyneth is not shy about bestowing her vast knowledge on all us mindless peasants who can't even get the turkey out of the plastic and are utterly baffled at the concept of dressing. A sampling of Gwyneth's Turkey Day insight via her site Goop.com:
Turkey will always be the main event of Thanksgiving (at least in my house) and a whole turkey is the way to go if you’re feeding at least 12. But if your party is smaller, the stuffed turkey breast turns out to be a great halfway point. Brining it overnight insures that you don’t need to baste it and it has a quick cooking time. Why should things be any less festive if dinner is just for two? I came up with these stuffed turkey burgers which were a giant hit in my house. They are the perfect solution for anyone who isn’t feeding a big group (or for a big group that wants to try something different!).
I came up with an idea too Gwyneth - if you really want to get into the Thanksgiving spirit, you and everyone in your pathetic, fucked up family should get really wasted, dress up like Indians, go to Gwyneth Paltrow's house, grab her scrawny ass and drag her into the street and beat her with sticks until she is nothing but an unrecognizable carcass! And then you can all take turns fucking what remains of the corpse! Then stuff it and eat it! Yummy yummy cum-filled Thanksgiving Gwyneth Paltrow! And don't forget to chop Chris Martin into little bits and make a pie out of his no-talent Radiohead-ripping-off ass! Happy Thanksgiving fuckfaces!
