The National Enquirer has a story out claiming that Britney Spears's mother Lynne contributed damning testimony against the fading pop princess in last week's custody hearing - the one that featured Britney, her mind apparently lost, shouting "Eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it" at a reporter who was annoying her. The Enquirer's source reported:
Britney’s mom Lynne said [in a sworn statement read to the court] that Britney wants to be a good mom, but she doesn’t have the tools to do so.
The source also claims that Britney's dad Jamie, whom she's always hated, called Britney "sick" and said she "needs to get help" before she can be a good mother. And then Kevin Federline got into the act. The source says:
Kevin testified that during her pregnancy Britney drank and smoked cigarettes. ... He claimed Britney never bonded with the boys. She’d sleep all day and wouldn’t even get up to nurse Sean. Kevin testified that he feels Britney is incapable of being a good parent due to a drug and alcohol problem.
And then Jesus was called to testify. He said Britney was a harlot who needed to be spanked, and offered to do it himself. But the court dismissed him since he wasn't really Jesus but just a crazy guy pretending to be Jesus. Then a janitor was called, and he said Britney just smelled bad, even worse than most of the things he normally encounters as a janitor. At this point Britney started drawing imaginary shapes in the air with her finger and singing the "'G' Grover, 'G' George" song from Sesame Street. Poor kid.
(source)
