Angelina Jolie is fuming with jealous rage after Brad Pitt sent ex-wife Jennifer Aniston a birthday card. According to the new issue of Star, the trouble arose because Pitt signed the card, "With Love, Brad." Angelina reportedly only found out about this because Brad, in a fit of what can only be described as self-destructive stupidity, showed her the card before mailing it. I say it must've been self-destructive stupidity only because Brad should've long-since learned what kind of psychotic nutbag Angelina is. And in fact, he has demonstrated an awareness of this in the past: Earlier this year, while shooting his movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Brad had a scene changed where he was supposed to kiss his co-star Megan Brown, out of fear that Angie would become jealous.
All right Brad, here's the deal - your little girl Angie is nuts. And I don't just mean eccentric or quirky, I mean certifiable. Deeply disturbed, Brad. Because of that shitty childhood she had - the woman is clearly incapable of satisfying herself that she's loved enough. She will never be loved enough. Not by you, or your kids, or all the suffering refugees in all the countries on earth. All the love in the known universe would not be enough for Angelina. No matter what happens, she will always suspect you. She's jealous and paranoid. Severely. I mean, she went ballistic because you signed a letter to your ex-wife, "With Love, Brad." A woman you spent four years married to - you're not allowed to show her a little affection? And this thing about you not kissing your co-star - Angelina's an actress, isn't she? So, shouldn't she understand how those things work? That it's the job? But you were afraid she'd get jealous. So you know what she is. And still you stay with her. I'm sorry Brad, but you have to dump this broad. You're still a young man - don't throw what remains of that youth away on a sham relationship with a joyless succubus. This chick will only drag you down into her psychotic misery. She will eat you alive, Brad. Because that's what people like Angelina do - they consume people. They suck the life out of everyone around them and spit out the husks. Come to your senses, Brad. Get as far away from this soul-chomping bedlamite as you can, as fast as you can. Before it's too late, Brad. Before it's too late.
